


Tomorrow's Happiness for Today

by holcene



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Romance, idol/actress au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 47,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28872819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holcene/pseuds/holcene
Summary: As an actress, Joohyun always likes to prepare, but she’s quickly learning that nothing could have readied her for an idol like Kang Seulgi.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 202





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to thewoundupbird for encouraging this thing into the behemoth that it turned into and all the other people I yelled about this thing to for months before finally (sort of) finishing it.

The studio lights feel harsh against her eyes, but Seulgi does her best not to squint too candidly. She’s used to interviews alone by now, even finds a sense of comfort posing in front of cameras after so many years, and yet there’s still something nerve wracking about sitting down not as Red Velvet’s Seulgi but as rookie singer Kang Seulgi instead. Perhaps the idea of debuting all by herself has finally caught up with her.

“Are you ready?” the interviewer asks.

She’s a kind woman, one Seulgi has sat down with many times before. She always asks questions that make Seulgi think, and she never pushes when Seulgi is reticent to answer. Still, Seulgi can’t help the sudden jolt in her chest that has her heart beating faster than normal.

“I’m ready.”

The interviewer nods, setting down the recorder on the table between them and opens her notepad, pen at the ready.

“You seem nervous,” she says, smiling at Seulgi gently. “Is it because you’re speaking as Kang Seulgi today and not as Red Velvet’s Seulgi?”

Seulgi nods. “Yes, that’s part of it. It’s also been a while since I’ve done an interview like this. If I’m being honest, I feel a little bit out of practice.”

“Right. You were on a hiatus for a while. What did you do while you were on a break? Were you busy preparing for your solo debut the whole time, or did you get to relax too?”

Seulgi tilts her head, considering. “I was able to relax a bit. I watched a lot of dramas and movies and walked around a lot. It was nice.”

The interviewer raises a brow, pen pausing in her writing. “Any dramas or movies you’d recommend?”

“Well, there’s one I really liked,” Seulgi starts, remembering the drama she’d started and binged all in one day.

She was captivated by it, completely mesmerized by the lead actress and the way she moved around on screen. Seulgi knew of her, of course. Bae Joohyun was too popular not to know, but she was a more elusive figure than most and their paths had never crossed directly before. Seulgi also never had the time to closely watch her in anything before. Until now, that is. It was professional admiration that had Seulgi up late into the night, finishing every available episode, thoughts never too far from the actress on screen. It was personal admiration that had Seulgi looking up every interview of hers afterwards, even going so far as to secretly save a particular photo she really liked to her phone as well.

“ _The Moon and the Sun_ starring Bae Joohyun is really good. I watched it all in one day,” Seulgi says, cheeks flushing with her admission. Fortunately, the interviewer doesn’t comment on it, focusing instead on the answer itself.

“Oh? That’s not a drama many people your age would watch. Did you like it that much?”

Seulgi nods vehemently. “Yes! It was really interesting. Bae Joohyun was hard to look away from.”

The interviewer arches a brow curiously. “You seem to like Bae Joohyun a lot.”

“She’s very popular these days.” Seulgi blushes, hoping the interviewer doesn’t read too much into it.

“Is she someone you’d want to work with in the future?”

Seulgi exhales in relief, thankful that’s all the interviewer assumed. Just professional admiration. Nothing more.

“Yes, if given the opportunity, I’d love to work with Bae Joohyun someday. Even though I’ve never acted before, I think it could be fun.”

Furiously, the interviewer scribbles across her notepad. She’s got her headline now, most likely, but it shouldn’t be anything too bad.

Seulgi and Joohyun are both women after all. What’s there to assume anyway?

* * *

Joohyun enters her trailer more than a little tired and ready for the day to be over. As it stands, she still has two more scenes left and a minimum six more hours before she can even think of going home. Rubbing at the kink in her neck, Joohyun rolls her head in slow circles, resisting the urge to yawn lest she seem unprofessional. It’s only when she’s sat on the couch in her trailer, debating a quick nap that she notices her two stylists huddled close together by her makeup chair, voices low as they whisper above the screen of one of their phones.

“What are you two looking at?” Joohyun asks interestedly, mouth quirking up into an amused smile when they both jump.

“Oh!” one of them says, scrambling over with her phone out, screen towards Joohyun as if Joohyun could read whatever is on it. “We’re just looking at this article that’s trending. It’s about you.”

Joohyun’s brows pinch together, grabbing for the phone. “About me? Why? What happened?”

“It’s not bad,” her stylist, Haewon, soothes. “An idol just mentioned you in an interview. She said she wants to work with you.”

“With me?” Joohyun questions, quickly skimming the headline.

_Red Velvet’s Seulgi Names Actress Bae Joohyun as Someone She Wants to Work With._

“I didn’t know you knew Red Velvet’s Seulgi,” her other stylist, Kyungri, comments, sitting next to Joohyun so she can read over her shoulder.

She says the comment wistfully, like she’s jealous of this supposed friendship Joohyun didn’t know about until today, and Joohyun pins her with a droll look.

“I don’t,” Joohyun answers and her stylist blushes.

“Oh, I just meant—well if you did, I’m kind of a fan, so—”

“Kyungri,” Haewon admonishes, and Kyungri raises her hands in surrender, cheeks pink.

The article doesn’t say much, just that Seulgi, recently announced to debut as a soloist in the later in the year, had made an offhand remark during a magazine interview that Joohyun was an actress she liked and wanted to work with one day. That was it and yet the combined star power of both their names had propelled this seemingly innocuous article onto the main page with thousands of comments underneath.

It’s a little too much for Joohyun’s tired brain to want to deal with so she hands Haewon her phone back, decidingly turning away from the sight of both her and Seulgi’s pictures plastered next to each other. Seulgi is a little too attractive for Joohyun to be able to ignore the pleasant hum that comes with seeing her so close to Joohyun’s own face.

“I could pass your number along,” her manager, Eunkyung, says. Joohyun’s eyes snap over to where the other woman is sitting quietly in the corner of the trailer, her own phone out and most likely opened to the same article.

“You know Seulgi?” Kyungri asks eagerly, and Haewon quiets her once again with a sharp slap to the side.

“Not personally, no,” Eunkyung answers. She turns serious eyes to Joohyun, then. “But I’m acquainted with one of her managers. I could give her your number—if you wanted.”

Joohyun doesn’t like the look in Eunkyung’s eyes, nor the implication that seems to swim behind them. Swallowing, she shakes her head.

“No that’s all right. It was probably just a one off anyway. Nothing to make a big deal about.”

Eunkyung shrugs. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Next to her, Kyungri deflates. “Aw, imagine how cool it would be if you were friends! Red Velvet are, like, _big_ —Seulgi especially.”

Haewon hits her again. “Can you stop being a fan for two seconds and pretend to be a professional?”

Kyungri makes a face at her, and the two continue to bicker even as they flit about Joohyun, brushing at her hair and dabbing at her makeup in preparation for her next scene. Joohyun lets them work, finding comfort in the familiar way they move about her and each other, laughing lightly when their friendly arguments stray a little dangerously into personal insults.

All the while, the article stays in the back of her mind, wondering just what could have compelled one of Korea’s most popular idols to mention Joohyun of all people in an interview about her solo debut.

Later, when the trailer is empty and Joohyun is preparing to leave, Eunkyung pulls her aside again. Her grip is light where her hand is wrapped around Joohyun’s elbow, but her eyes are meaningful.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pass your number along?” she asks lowly.

Joohyun frowns at her. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why are you so insistent?”

Eunkyung sighs, dropping her hand to run it through her hair. Her eyes shift to the door where Haewon and Kyungri are just outside, their voices carrying even though it’s closed. When she speaks again, it’s barely above a whisper. “Seulgi is like you. I just thought maybe you’d want to get to know her—even just as friends.”

Joohyun’s eyes widen.

 _Seulgi is like you_.

The meaning isn’t lost on her, and Joohyun feels her hands begin to sweat and her heart rate rise—an instinctual reaction she’s never quite been able to control whenever she feels this part of herself become too close to being exposed. Even with someone like Eunkyung who’s known for years.

“How do—” Joohyun swallows, throat suddenly feeling dry. “How do you know that?”

Eunkyung gives her a sympathetic look. “It’s a bit of a well known secret in the idol circuit. They still keep it quiet, but idols are….much more comfortable about these things than actors and actresses are.”

Joohyun nods, vaguely recalling the various stories Eunkyung used to tell her from her time managing an idol group years ago.

“It could just be a rumor.” Eunkyung shrugs, but they both know that rumors in their field are rarely ever just that. “And you don’t have to answer right now,” Eunkyung tells her, most likely taking pity on Joohyun who feels like she’s just been thrown head first out of a plane without a parachute, “but if you want to get in contact later, the option is there.”

“Right,” Joohyun says, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

Eunkyung pats her on the back, smiling reassuringly before exiting the trailer to Haewon and Kyungri’s raucous laughter. Alone, Joohyun thinks of the article and the olive branch Eunkyung has dangled right in front of her.

 _Seulgi is like you_ , echoes in her mind.

It’s been so long since Joohyun’s known someone like herself, but the thought of doing that again, of risking that sort of publicity, is enough to make Joohyun second guess herself. It makes Joohyun wonder, though, why Seulgi, an idol, singled out Joohyun, an actress.

Was it harmless or something else?

But more importantly.

If Seulgi’s secret is well known in her field, does that mean Joohyun’s is well known in hers?

* * *

_hi_sseulgi: renebaebae has liked your photo_

* * *

Seulgi stares at the notification for a long moment, sure that if she blinks it will disappear like some kind of figment of her imagination. But she does blink and still it lingers, glaring back at her in defiance. Hesitantly, she clicks on it, and there it is on the app, present for her and all 8 million of her followers to see.

It’s Seulgi’s latest photo, the one she’d taken while out late at night with some of her friends, on a dimly lit street with the flash on and the camera out of focus. Seulgi liked the aesthetic of it more than anything and had posted it unthinkingly. Now, seeing the popular username listed as one of the many thousands who liked it, Seulgi can’t help but question if she should have posted something else, something where her face was at least more visible.

Seulgi shakes that thought away. She shouldn't even be wishing that Bae Joohyun saw her face clearly.

Joohyun’s instagram is nice, perfectly tailored with its white borders, every picture seemingly chosen with a purpose. A stark contrast to the way Seulgi herself posts, usually haphazardly and entirely dependent on her mood that day. It makes her wonder why the actress was even on Seulgi’s instagram to begin with. At a glance, Seulgi can see that Joohyun doesn’t follow very many people. Surely, she’d have no reason to wander onto Seulgi’s page then?

Perhaps she’d seen the article written about the two of them and gotten curious, or—and this is wishful thinking—maybe she’d seen the article and was similarly a fan.

Whatever the reason, Seulgi quickly hits the follow button before she can think too deeply about it, promptly closing the app right afterwards.

Bae Joohyun probably wouldn’t follow back, but that was fine. Seulgi is allowed to be a fan.

Right?

* * *

“You liked her photo?”

Joohyun opens her eyes, sighing at the sight of Eunkyung staring down at her, arms akimbo.

“My finger slipped.”

Eunkyung snorts. “So you were stalking her then.”

Joohyun shrugs. “I was curious.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want me to give her your number?”

Joohyun groans, too tired for this conversation. It's been a long day; filming started in the early hours of the morning and is expected to continue late into the night. Joohyun's running on only a few hours of sleep and three different energy drinks she didn't even want to drink. She doesn’t need a reminder of her slip up concerning the idol Joohyun had accidentally spent the better part of her night looking at pictures and videos of.

Between Joohyun's mistake and Seulgi's response, the last thing Joohyun needs is people thinking anything more about the two of them than they already were.

"You're very persistent, you know that?" Joohyun tells Eunkyung, reaching for her script on the table now that she's been unwillingly forced awake.

"I just think this could be good for you," Eunkyung says. "Both personally and professionally."

Joohyun pauses. "Professionally? What do you mean 'professionally?'"

Eunkyung shuffles uncomfortably. "I wasn't supposed to say anything, but the company's been talking. A high profile brand wants to make you their ambassador. It'd be good publicity and it pays well. I know you've already got a lot on your plate, but I think you'd enjoy this one, especially since the brand is a lot more casual than what you usually do."

Joohyun crosses her arms, interested. Most of the brands she endorses are a bit too stiff for Joohyun's personal taste, but she likes them well enough. Taking on another one would be more work, though, and Joohyun's schedule is already stretched thin as is. Regardless, her curiosity has been piqued.

"But what does that have to do with Seulgi?"

Eunkyung purses her lips. "Seulgi's the other brand ambassador. You'd be working together a lot. Photoshoots, brand lives, commercials. You're both very popular right now so it's a smart move. People like your names together as I'm sure you noticed."

Joohyun did. They'd trended for more than a day with people wondering and eager for a possible collaboration. They’ve never even interacted before, so it didn't make any sense to Joohyun, but Joohyun's long since stopped pondering about the inner workings of the internet.

"So when Seulgi mentioned me in her interview, did she…"

Eunkyung shakes her head. "No, that was purely coincidental. But between that and your latest social media interactions, the company is even more eager to get you on board. People are going crazy to see what you'll do next. Coming out together as ambassadors for the same brand would do wonders for your public image."

Not that Joohyun needed any favors in that regard. She was, by all means, perfect in the eyes of the general public. It’s something she’s worked years for and was very careful about keeping, but Joohyun was confident enough to know it had very little to do with her personality or talent and everything to do with her face. That's why she didn't mind brand endorsements and CF deals so much. Whatever kept you relevant could hardly be a bad thing.

"So you want me to reach out to her because you know we're going to work together soon."

"It couldn't hurt to get to know the person you'll be spending a lot of time with.” Eunkyung shrugs. “Plus, if the rumors are true, the two of you aren’t so different. I'm sure she wouldn't mind getting to know you as well. And"—Eunkyung’s voice lowers into something soft and affectionate then—“you could also use the friend.”

Joohyun feels her shoulders go slack at Eunkyung’s words, the fight in her all but leaving. She mulls it over, considering. If she and Seulgi are going to work together closely soon, it would be beneficial if they got to know each other now. Joohyun usually takes a while to warm up to people, and any photos together will probably come out more nicely if they were already comfortable together.

Then, of course, there's the personal side of it too. Joohyun doesn’t want to admit it—least of all to Eunkyung—but she _has_ been lonely. It seems, though, that Eunkyung’s caught on anyway. Far from home and with most of her friends in another city, Joohyun doesn't have many people—if any—here that she trusts, especially not with her biggest secret. Having someone else, someone like her, in a similar industry, just to talk about things could be nice. Even with the risk.

Before she can work herself into a mental spiral, Joohyun nods to Eunkyung’s apparent surprise.

"Okay," Joohyun says, leaving no room to talk herself out of it. "Give her my number."

* * *

“What are you looking at?”

Seulgi fumbles, nearly dropping her phone. She puts it away quickly, looking towards Seungwan who’s come to sit next to her.

“Oh, nothing. Just a text from my mom,” Seulgi lies, the feeling of it thick on her tongue. “What’s up?”

Seungwan frowns but accepts the answer easily enough. She nods towards the center of the room where Yerim and Sooyoung are practicing a move together. “I think they could use your help; it’s been a while since we’ve done this dance.”

“Of course,” Seulgi agrees, moving to stand but Seungwan stops her, hand firm where she pulls at Seulgi’s sleeve.

“Catch your breath first,” Seungwan insists, smiling kindly when Seulgi finally sits back down. "We haven't all been together like this for some time. It's nice."

Seulgi nods, watching as Yerim and Sooyoung give up on the dance to take pictures together in front of the practice room mirrors. "I missed practicing with you guys. It'll be nice to be on stage together again."

Seungwan knocks into her shoulder. "You're doing pretty well so far by yourself. Are you excited for your solo debut?"

"I guess," Seulgi shrugs. At Seungwan's curious gaze, Seulgi admits cautiously, "It’s easier when we’re all together. When I’m alone, I just worry about disappointing you guys or embarrassing the rest of the group or—"

"You won't," Seungwan cuts her off fiercely, gaze piercing. "You work too hard, Seulgi. It's okay to relax; you'll do well on your own. Believe me."

Seulgi studies her eyes, trying to detect any hint that Seungwan isn't being truthful, but she finds none. Slowly, she feels some of that unease in the pit of her stomach begin to quell.

"Thanks, Seungwan."

Seungwan pats her thigh. "Any time."

Checking her phone for the time, Seulgi sees the unsent message still displayed on her screen. She swallows, closing her messaging app. Now's not the time.

"Come on, break's over. We need to get this down before tomorrow."

Seungwan groans but acquiesces, standing to stretch as Seulgi does.

"Whatever you say, dear leader," she teases, grinning when Seulgi shoves at her shoulder. She turns serious, then, eying Seulgi carefully like she's unsure of what to say. "I meant it, you know?"

Seulgi tilts her head. "Meant what?"

"That it's okay to relax. You'll run yourself ragged at the pace you're going. Don't forget to take time for yourself, okay?"

At Seulgi's slow nod, Seungwan smiles. She leaves it at that, walking ahead to call for Sooyoung and Yerim, quickly getting roped into taking pictures with them. Seulgi knows she should call for practice to start again, but she pauses, Seungwan's words ringing in her ears.

Before she can overthink it, Seulgi pulls out her phone. She finishes typing out her message, sending it quickly to the new number in her contacts and tries not to feel too guilty about it, pushing it aside so she can focus on practice.

It's just something for herself, after all.

* * *

_**Kang Seulgi** : Hi! This is Kang Seulgi from Red Velvet ^-^ I’m not sure you’re aware, but I was given your number by my manager. I just wanted to say I’m a big fan of your work and I admire you a lot. I heard you’re busy filming for your latest drama, so I hope you’re taking care of yourself! I’ll anticipate seeing your future projects! Good luck!_

* * *

_Hi, Seulgi. Thanks for reaching out! I just wanted—_

_Hi, Seulgi! I got your message! I—_

_Hey, I—_

Joohyun groans, dropping her phone onto her stomach. It’s just a text. It shouldn’t be this difficult, especially when it’s nothing but friendly, yet Joohyun’s been feeling anxious ever since she saw her phone light up earlier. It had been unexpected considering Joohyun only gave Eunkyung the okay a few days ago, but she should have known Eunkyung wouldn’t waste any time.

The sight of the message, though, had stirred something in Joohyun, who couldn’t help but reread it over and over again, cheeks pulled into a smile and face warming with every passing second. It felt silly, like she was some school girl with a crush—only that it was especially ridiculous because she and Seulgi had never even met, and the only thing Joohyun even knew about her was that she was an idol who could sing and dance well with a penchant for taking blurry pictures outside. Still, Joohyun’s heart beats frantically in her chest, willing her to respond while also preventing her from thinking clearly enough to do so.

Granting herself a brief moment to roll around and groan pathetically into her pillow, Joohyun tries again.

_Hey, Seulgi. I’m glad you reached out, I wanted to tell you—_

The sudden ding of her phone nearly makes Joohyun drop it onto her face in surprise. She frowns, holding her phone up again. At the top of her screen, a new message displays, the preview enough to have Joohyun pausing.

_**Hwang Eunkyung** : the brand deal’s a go. You’ll sign the contract tomorrow._

The anxiety that comes up with the announcement isn’t anything new. Even with all the years behind her career, Joohyun still gets nervous at the prospect of any new project. But Joohyun knows this time will be different. Joohyun’s seen pictures; she’s watched videos too. She knows what Seulgi can do in front of a camera, and the idea of it, of being next to Seulgi while she works her magic, has Joohyun faltering in a kind of anticipation she hasn’t felt in years.

But she knows what she has to do, and now’s not the time for playing coy with her silly school girl crush. Firing off the text to Seulgi quickly, Joohyun turns her phone on silent and puts it away, determined to go to sleep. She needs all the rest she can get and worrying over a text conversation with someone she’s never even met won’t do her any good.

Besides, she’s about to be even busier soon. She can’t afford to have a crush on someone right now, no matter how superficial it is.

* * *

_**Bae Joohyun** : Hi, Seulgi. I’m glad you reached out. I’m a fan of yours as well~ I’m not sure you’ve heard yet, but we’ll be working together soon as ambassadors for the same brand. It’d be nice if we could get to know each other beforehand. I look forward to working with you!_

* * *

Seulgi drums her fingers along the steering wheel, checking for the nth time that she has the right address. The parking structure is dimly lit, and even with a mask on, inside of a car with tinted windows, Seulgi can’t help checking over her shoulder for hidden cameras and suspicious passersby. The parking structure remains empty, though, Seulgi’s car just one of the many parked casually inside. But the paranoia stays, heightened by Seulgi’s growing anxiety at meeting someone she’s only ever seen on screen and spoken through via text.

When Joohyun had first responded, Seulgi had been pleasantly surprised. She expected them to exchange pleasantries as most celebrities do, but she hadn’t expected for the conversation to continue. Joohyun had been surprisingly easy to text, even if it was only shallow communication at best, but Seulgi found it oddly endearing that Joohyun seemed determined to get to know her before working together, asking Seulgi for small tidbits about her day and expressing interest when Seulgi mentioned something offhand about work. It brought up a certain feeling of giddiness Seulgi’s done her best to ignore. She knows what that feeling meant, and it wouldn’t do her any good to develop a crush now. Even so, when the inevitable invitation came to get a friendly meal in the spirit of their future work together, Seulgi had agreed without hesitation.

So here Seulgi was, still mind-numbingly nervous, even with the point made and the intention behind it clear, because she’d decided to forego a few hours of much needed sleep, in the middle of her solo debut preparations, just to meet with an actress she likes but has never seen in person before.

Seulgi sighs, fiddling with the brim of her hat and pushing at the sleeves of her jacket. Should she have worn something different? Do actresses care about things like that?

Finally, after an agonizing few minutes, Seulgi sees the elevator doors open and a figure step out. Despite being obscured with her own mask and hat, there’s no mistake that it’s her.

Even with her small stature, Bae Joohyun is an imposing presence, and Seulgi can’t look away.

Hesitantly, Seulgi taps on her horn, startling Joohyun but getting her attention well enough. She stares at Seulgi’s car for a long moment before nodding decidedly, Seulgi watching all the while. With short steps, she quickly makes her way over, and Seulgi swallows, hyping herself in these final seconds alone.

“Hi,” Joohyun greets, opening the side door. She slides along the leather easily and pulls her mask down to her chin, revealing rose colored lips turned up into a small smile. She’s prettier in person, and Seulgi feels her cheeks warm. “This is a nice car.”

“Hi! Thanks! I, uh, just bought it recently, so it’s still new. The dealer said it was good, but I haven’t driven it around much yet, but it, yeah, it gets the job done,” Seulgi rambles, ending on an awkward laugh that she cringes internally at herself for.

Joohyun doesn’t seem to notice, though, too busy admiring the interior. She smiles wryly.

“Honestly, I don’t know anything about cars, but the color is nice?”

Seulgi chuckles. “I don’t know anything either, but I did pick the color myself, so I’ll take the compliment.”

They smile awkwardly at each other and the tension feels heavy between them, Seulgi not really sure what to do now that the actress she likes is sitting in her front seat, looking at Seulgi like she’s similarly at a loss.

“So,” Seulgi starts, tapping at her steering wheel. “Where should we go?”

Joohyun tilts her head. “I’m not sure. Truthfully, I’ve never done something like this before.”

“You’ve never….”

Joohyun shakes her head. “I don’t go out much. I usually just stay home.”

“Oh,” Seulgi answers dumbly. “Would you like to go inside then? We don’t have to go somewhere. I don’t mind—”

“No, no,” Joohyun cuts off. “It’d be nice to get out.”

Seulgi nods, still unsure, and then they sit together in uncomfortable silence once more.

“We can go anywhere,” Joohyun announces eventually. “I’m sure you know a lot of good places? Probably more than I do, anyway.”

Seulgi thinks, contemplating all the various places she knows that she could bring them to where they wouldn’t be bothered.

“Well, I do know one place not too far from here. The food is pretty good, and it’s never crowded.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Great! Okay. Let’s go then.”

She waits for Joohyun to fasten her seat belt, and then she pulls out carefully, both hands on the wheel as she leaves the relative safety of the parking structure. Seulgi’s not the best driver, she’s aware of this. She’s also never driven with anyone else in the car outside of her parents. Still, she can’t help her tight grip on the steering wheel or the way her eyes constantly shift across the road, extremely aware of Joohyun’s presence next to her but trying to ignore it under the guise of road safety.

“Do you want to listen to anything?” Seulgi asks, chancing a glance Joohyun’s way when they reach a stoplight.

The street lights outside cast a pretty glow across Joohyun’s face, and Seulgi turns her head away quickly, already feeling herself get distracted at the sight of it.

“You can play whatever; I’m not picky.”

“Okay.” Seulgi turns the volume up, and to her horror and embarrassment, it’s her own song that starts playing through the speakers. Hurriedly, Seulgi changes it with a grimace, sighing in relief when an indie band comes on next. “Sorry, that’s my new song. It hasn’t been released yet, but I’ve been practicing a lot lately, so”—she motions limply towards the stereo—“I don’t just listen to my own music if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Joohyun laughs lightly, and Seulgi gulps at the sound of it, momentarily stunned by the idea of being the cause of Bae Joohyun’s laughter.

“I wouldn’t judge you if you did, but for what it’s worth, I think it sounded nice.”

Seulgi raises a brow, eyes on the road even as her face warms pleasantly at the revelation. “Really? You think so?”

“Of course. I don’t listen to music much, but I liked what I heard,” Joohyun answers, and though Seulgi can’t see her face, she thinks Joohyun sounds somewhat shy. “I told you I was a fan.”

“Oh, that’s, that’s nice. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They lapse into awkward silence again, the only sounds coming from the music playing and the smooth sound of the engine as Seulgi drives them to their destination. Seulgi groans inwardly. This is why she doesn’t like being alone with people. Seulgi’s a reactor, not an initiator. There’s too many factors to consider when alone, and Seulgi can get so caught up in trying to be mindful of them all, she usually ends up making the other person feel uncomfortable with her silence. Regardless, she hasn’t made it as far as she has in her field without a little bit of hardheadedness.

“So what are you—”

“How are you—”

Seulgi smirks wryly, momentarily taking one of her hands off the wheel to gesture at Joohyun. “Go ahead.”

“I was just going to say,” Joohyun starts but then stops. A quick glance to her side, and Seulgi can see Joohyun subtly shaking her head. “Actually, I don’t even know what I was going to say.”

Seulgi chuckles softly, amused at their apparent uncomfortableness. “This is pretty awkward, isn’t it?”

Joohyun laughs. “Kind of.”

“I guess it’s a good thing we’re meeting for the first time now. Imagine how much worse this would be if it was during a photoshoot.”

“We’d probably push through it,” Joohyun argues. “It’d be difficult, but we’d do it.”

“True,” Seulgi agrees. Pulling the car into another stop, Seulgi takes the opportunity to look over at Joohyun again, subtly admiring the delicate lines of her face. “Still, I’m glad we were able to do this now, but as a warning, I’m not that great at socializing. I’m kind of an introvert and being alone with people scares me.” She grimaces. “No offense.”

Joohyun stares back at her, eyes crinkling up into a soft smile, and Seulgi feels her breath catch.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun says warmly, “don’t worry. I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

* * *

True to Seulgi’s word, the restaurant she brings them to is small and lowkey enough that they’re able to settle inside easily without drawing any attention. It helps, too, that Seulgi seems to be friends with the owner, who greets her enthusiastically as soon as they enter and helps them to a table in the back corner, away from the glass windows of the front and shielded by some carefully positioned plants.

“Do you come here often?” Joohyun asks, finding the line sounds lame even to her own ears.

Seulgi just nods happily, pulling her mask off and revealing her face to Joohyun for the first time that night. She’s pretty, that much Joohyun already knew, but there’s a kindness to her eyes that pictures don’t quite capture, a softness to her smile that doesn’t quite translate through videos, and a gentleness to her overall demeanor that betrays the confidence Joohyun sees on stage. She is both nothing and everything like Joohyun thought she would be.

“I’ve been coming here ever since I was a trainee,” Seulgi explains. “The owner, Kahi, thinks I’m too skinny so she always gives me extra food. In exchange, I try to mention this place to all my celebrity friends. It’s family owned so Kahi’s good at keeping her workers silent.”

Joohyun hums, feeling strangely affronted. “So you bring a lot of people here then?”

“Kind of?” Seulgi tilts her head, eyes to the ceiling as she thinks about it. “I think I tell people about it more. I can’t remember ever bringing anyone here, actually.”

“So I’m the first?”

Joohyun blushes at her words, focusing on the menu in front of her so that she doesn’t have to see Seulgi’s reaction. Her brain to mouth filter doesn’t usually fail Joohyun so easily, but she’s always been weak to the charm of pretty girls.

“Yeah, I guess you are,” Seulgi answers easily around a short laugh.

Joohyun peeks up at Seulgi carefully, using her hat as a cover, but Seulgi’s not even looking at her, too busy staring at the walls as she rocks back and forth to the music playing in the background. Joohyun watches her for a moment, captivated by the calming energy Seulgi is putting out simply by existing.

“Do you already know what you want?” Joohyun asks, and Seulgi snaps her head towards Joohyun’s.

“I’ve been craving meat, and there’s something about the _bulgogi_ here that’s really delicious, so I was thinking of getting that. But we can try a few different things, if you’re up for it?” She smiles sheepishly. “I haven’t eaten all day, so I’m pretty hungry.”

“I haven’t eaten either,” Joohyun says, mouth watering at the thought of meat. “That sounds good to me.”

Once they order, Seulgi shirks her jacket off as Joohyun pushes her sleeves up. They stare at each other in silence, the awkwardness of it all causing them both to break out into a fit of giggles.

“This is weird,” Seulgi comments.

Joohyun nods. “Just a bit.”

“Okay,” Seulgi says, clapping her hands. “Let’s just speak normally like we’re already friends. How was your day?”

Joohyun raises a brow, amused, but plays along. “It was fine. I had filming early this morning but the afternoon off so I got to rest for a bit. How was yours?”

“It was good! I had a pre-recording early in the morning, but that was about it. Tomorrow, I have recordings all day so that’ll be fun.”

Joohyun frowns. “Won’t you be tired? We didn’t have to come out tonight.”

“No, it’s okay,” Seulgi shakes her head. “I wanted to meet with you, and lately, I’ve been trying to remember to make time to do things for myself. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

Joohyun blushes, hoping that the shadow cast from her hat is enough to hide it. She thinks Seulgi was wrong earlier because she doesn’t seem shy at all now with how she makes sure to stare Joohyun in the eyes as she speaks, saying the kinds of words that steal Joohyun’s breath away without any thought at all. Or maybe, it’s just that Joohyun’s easily enamored by beautiful women with beautiful smiles. Whatever the case, it has Joohyun ducking her head.

“Okay,” she mumbles shyly, “if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Seulgi answers with enough conviction that Joohyun couldn’t even question it if she tried.

Once the food comes out, their conversation halts. It’s delicious but even more distracting is the alarming way Seulgi inhales her food. Joohyun’s both endeared and disgusted at the gusto with which Seulgi can eat, and Joohyun finds herself impressed that someone as skinny as Seulgi can manage that much food at once.

“It’s good, right?” Seulgi asks, mid chew, when she notices Joohyun’s staring.

Joohyun can only blink. “Y-yes. It’s delicious.”

Seulgi grins widely. “See! I told you so!”

While still slightly stilted in the way any conversation with a new person can be, Seulgi’s comfortable to talk to. She’s very attentive, sure to keep her eyes on Joohyun whenever Joohyun speaks and always asks questions to show she was really listening. It makes Joohyun want to say more, be more open, if only to keep Seulgi’s eyes on her a little bit longer.

“I liked this one you drew,” Joohyun says, pulling up the picture on Seulgi’s instagram. Seulgi leans forward to get a better look, their food long since finished and pushed aside.

“This one? Really?” Seulgi laughs, eyeing the small colorful cat with a shake of her head. “I drew this in, like, five minutes. It’s nothing special.”

Joohyun pouts. “I liked the colors.”

“Okay, okay. Thanks, I guess.” Seulgi’s grin turns teasing, then, and Joohyun’s momentarily shocked by the sudden shift, unused to the way Seulgi looks with a smirk on her face. “That’s a pretty old post, you know. You had to have scrolled pretty far down just to see it.”

Joohyun’s mouth parts, face warming considerably. She knows she just unintentionally revealed that she’d been stalking Seulgi’s instagram, and now Seulgi’s looking at her like _that_ , having clearly caught on. When her silence stretches on for too long, Seulgi laughs, breaking the tension.

“Oh, shut up,” Joohyun rolls her eyes, pushing at her which just makes Seulgi laugh harder.

“I’m just messing with you. I’m flattered, really,” Seulgi says, laugh tapering off into a friendly smile. “Do you draw?”

Joohyun shakes her head. “No, but I’ve always wanted to learn.”

“I could show you some time.” At Joohyun’s curious gaze, Seulgi ducks her head shyly, scratching at her neck. “I mean, if you wanted. I’m no art teacher, but I could show you some stuff?”

“Sure,” Joohyun agrees, the prospect of spending more time with Seulgi a little too good to pass up. “That sounds fun.”

“Great! We’ll plan something then.”

Joohyun nods. “Okay, just let me know.”

They trade easy grins, something passing between the two of them that Joohyun’s too afraid to think about too deeply. It’s exciting, though. A pleasant thrill shooting through Joohyun that she hasn’t felt in years. It’s only been a few hours, and Seulgi’s already disarmed her so easily. It should scare Joohyun more than it does, but it’s hard to feel anything other than warm with the way Seulgi smiles at her.

Once the moment settles, Seulgi leans forward conspiratorially.

“So,” she starts, a mischievous glint in her eye, “do you have room for dessert?”

Joohyun doesn’t even bat an eye, tone gravely serious as she answers, “Seulgi, I always have room for dessert.”

* * *

Seulgi licks at the ice cream cone quickly, trying to prevent any more from melting onto her hand. Next to her, Joohyun is calm as she spoons another mouthful from her cup.

“See,” Joohyun says, noticing the franticness with which Seulgi is trying to finish her cone, “this is why cups are better.”

Seulgi knocks into Joohyun’s shoulder with a roll of her eyes. They’d already had this discussion earlier, but if there was anything Seulgi was learning it was that Joohyun didn’t take too kindly to being wrong.

“Cups are cleaner but cones taste better,” Seulgi says matter-of-factly.

Joohyun knocks back into her. “Agree to disagree.”

The cool night air feels nice as they walk. Seulgi had been the one to suggest they take their ice cream to go, and, while clearly hesitant, Joohyun had ended up agreeing. Aware Joohyun wasn’t entirely comfortable being out, Seulgi had made sure to take her to an area she knew not many people frequented, and Joohyun seemed grateful for it, posture relaxing with every minute they didn’t see anyone else.

“Do you normally just walk around like this?” Joohyun asks, scraping the last of her ice cream into her mouth.

“Yeah, I’m usually cooped up inside all day so it’s nice to be out when I can,” Seulgi answers in between bites of her cone.

“Hmm, I guess it is nice.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Seulgi says, turning her face up to the passing wind.

“You like it that much?”

Seulgi hums. “I spend so much time indoors, being outside feels like a luxury.”

“You’re not worried? About people seeing you?”

Seulgi shrugs. “Even if they did, what do I have to hide?”

Joohyun goes quiet, and when Seulgi looks at her, she sees her face scrunched in thought, fingers tight around her empty ice cream cup. Underneath the streetlights, surrounded by tall buildings, Bae Joohyun is far less imposing and much more normal.

“You’re really not afraid?” Joohyun asks, voice surprisingly small.

“No.” Seulgi furrows her brows. “What do I have to be afraid of?”

"I guess I’m just always worried people might see me with someone and think—" Joohyun cuts off with a shake of her head, shrinking into herself. Her hat obscures her face so that Seulgi can no longer see her, and her steps slow until she’s a pace behind Seulgi.

Somehow, Seulgi feels farther away from her than she did when Joohyun was just a person on the other side of a television screen.

"People might think what?" Seulgi prompts.

Joohyun shakes her head again. "It's nothing. Hey, it's getting late we should probably head back. I don't want you to be too tired tomorrow."

Seulgi frowns, unsure of what it is she did or said to suddenly have Joohyun retreating like this, but Joohyun won't even look at her, busying herself with searching for a trash can to get rid of her empty cup. Seulgi can only watch her, feeling strangely like Joohyun is trying to hide even though Seulgi is the only person around to see her.

"Sure," Seulgi agrees, watching as Joohyun seems to relax again. "Let's head back."

* * *

The ride to Joohyun's building is quiet, no sign of that easy banter from earlier that they'd shared. Instead, Joohyun focuses on the passing views of the city around them, intent on keeping her eyes from straying to the girl next to her.

The tension feels thick, tangible enough to be grasped at, and yet Joohyun can do nothing about it because she knows it's coming entirely from her and Seulgi’s just simply reacting to it.

"I like this song," Seulgi murmurs, turning the volume up.

The sounds of soft guitars and a gentle drum beat filters through the speakers, Joohyun's eyes widening when she realizes she actually recognizes it.

"I love this band.”

Seulgi shoots her a wayward glance. "Yeah? Not many people have heard of them. They're good."

"They are."

"Have you seen them live?" Seulgi asks, turning towards Joohyun more fully now that they're at a stop. "I think they're even better live."

"No, no one else I know listens to them so I've never gotten the chance."

"I don't know anyone else either," Seulgi says, laughing quietly as she leans into the center console, closer now for Joohyun to catch the way the city lights reflect in her eyes. "Even my members didn't want to go with me, so I just went alone. It was still really fun, though."

"You go a lot of places alone," Joohyun comments, sure to keep her tone light so that Seulgi doesn't take offense.

Seulgi just shoots her an easy grin, accelerating the car once more. "Of course, I'm my favorite company!"

They both laugh, that stilted energy from before dissipating once again under Seulgi's careful guidance.

"We should go to their concert sometime," Seulgi offers, eyes determinedly set forward. "It was fun going alone, but I think it'd be even better to go with someone else."

Heart beating loud enough for Joohyun to hear, she nods even though Seulgi can't see it.

"Sure," she accepts, watching Seulgi's tight grip on her steering wheel loosen one finger at a time. "That'd be nice."

At her building's parking garage, Joohyun stops just before exiting Seulgi's car. She remembers Seulgi’s words from earlier, how the idea of someone being so unafraid had stunned Joohyun enough into silence. Joohyun’s always felt like she had to walk around with an eye over her shoulder, worried that someone, somewhere would be able to tell her biggest secret just by looking. It never crossed her mind to think that it could be different.

Not until Seulgi.

Her hand is bold where she lays it on Seulgi's forearm, and she watches Seulgi's eyes dart down towards it before moving up to Joohyun then back in the span of a few seconds. Her confusion is evident, perplexed by this contact when Joohyun was sure to maintain a safe distance all night.

But they're in a tinted car in an empty garage, and Joohyun wants to feel like she has nothing to hide, just this once.

"Thank you for tonight," Joohyun says, thumb careful where it rubs at the sleeve of Seulgi's jacket. "It's been a long time since I've gone out like this. It was nice."

"It's been a while since I've gone out with someone else, too," Seulgi tells her, arm tensing under Joohyun's palm. "I had fun. We should do it again soon."

"We should. You still have to teach me how to draw."

Seulgi swallows, nods. "Right. I have to teach you how to draw."

There’s a shift again, something light but heavy that has Joohyun's fingers curling a little tighter around Seulgi. Her heart is a burdening weight in her chest, eager for someone else's touch, and Joohyun doesn't know how much longer she can be brave.

"Okay. Goodnight, Seulgi. I'll talk to you soon."

"Goodnight, Joohyun."

When she leaves, Joohyun can't help the flex of her fingers, the phantom heat of Seulgi's arm against her palm lingering long after Seulgi's car pulls away.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Seungwan asks when Seulgi slips quietly into their dorm, late into the night.

There's a movie playing softly on the TV. Sooyoung is asleep with her head in Seungwan's lap, empty beer bottles and bags of chips littering the coffee table in front of them. Seungwan’s face glows under the light of the TV screen, images lighting and darkening across her skin. It reminds Seulgi of the street lights flitting across Joohyun’s face through the car window.

Seulgi shakes her head at her.

"Just taking time for myself," she answers.

Seungwan gives her a long, searching look. "That's good. Did you have fun?"

Seulgi thinks of dinner in a hidden restaurant and a late night walk with ice cream melting onto her fingers. She thinks of sitting in the car with her favorite band playing and finally sharing it with someone else who likes them too. She thinks of the warmth of a soft hand against her arm and the ghost of a thumb tracing along the seam of her jacket.

She thinks and thinks.

"Yeah," Seulgi replies honestly, holding her forearm close to her body, trying and failing to recreate Joohyun's touch with her own hand. "I had a lot of fun."

* * *

_hi_sseulgi: renebaebae has followed you_

* * *

The announcement of her new brand deal comes with a flurry of attention. Joohyun's schedule, already full, has even more packed into it now. Mandatory live streams, interviews, photoshoots. It's overwhelming to have on top of the busy filming schedule she's meant to follow. But she knows it's even worse for Seulgi, who has to juggle her solo debut on top of her group comeback preparations in addition to everything else as well. She barely even sleeps these days, worrying constantly over something or another.

Joohyun only knows this, of course, because she and Seulgi have struck up a steady text conversation that lasts late into the night and starts early in the morning. Her schedule is full of many responsibilities, but Seulgi is a personal commitment she always makes time for.

_**Kang Seulgi** : [img attached]_

_**Kang Seulgi** : How do I look??_

Joohyun opens the picture, snorting indelicately at the sight of Seulgi in front of a mirror in a cropped wig.

_**Bae Joohyun** : Do you want an honest answer or….?_

_**Kang Seulgi** : Meanie ;-;_

_**Bae Joohyun** : I’m kidding you look great :)_

_**Bae Joohyun** : Have you eaten today?_

"You're on your phone a lot these days," Eunkyung comments idly, rummaging through her bag and distracting Joohyun enough for her to put her phone down. "You should tell me if you're dating someone. As your manager, it's one of the very few things I absolutely must know."

"I'm not dating anybody." Joohyun glares at her. "And you'd be the first to know if I was. It's just Seulgi."

Eunkyung snorts. "Right. The point still stands."

"It's not like that," Joohyun denies. "We're just friends. Didn't you say I needed more friends?"

"You're right, you're right," Eunkyung surrenders. "Just be careful, okay? Seulgi's known for being nice, but I know how you are. You have a very one track mind when you see something you like. Maybe keep your ambitions at bay just this once."

"I'm always careful," Joohyun reminds her, offended at the implication.

If anything, Joohyun's a little _too_ careful. She can't even remember the last time she went out with somebody who wasn't her staff—friendly or otherwise.

“I know. I didn’t mean it like that.” At Joohyun’s arched brow, Eunkyung clarifies, “It’s just been a long time since you’ve been interested in anybody. I don’t know Seulgi very well, but I know _you_ and I don’t want you to get hurt because you fell too hard, too fast.”

Defensiveness bubbles hot and fast within her, and Joohyun can feel her eyes begin to sting from having to hold it back. Joohyun’s always felt things too easily, and where once she used to be prone to lashing out, she’s long since learned the art of keeping her emotions in check. But not even she is immune to the burn that comes with feeling like she’s just been betrayed.

“You’re the one who—” Joohyun bites at her lip, contemplating how to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound petulant. “You pushed for this. You gave her my number. Why are you so against it now?”

Eunkyung frowns. “I’m not against it. I’m just warning you not to get invested too quickly. Seulgi’s an idol; things are different for her. You may have more fans in general, but hers are willing to fight tooth and nail for her regardless of her mistakes. You don’t have that luxury. If things go wrong, you have much more to lose than she does.”

“We’re just _friends_ , Eunkyung. I’m allowed to have friends, so is she. And we’re both”—the words taste sour, feel almost like the bile Joohyun’s had to force up after one too many bottles of alcohol—“we’re both girls. No one will care.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m just looking out for you. You know that right?”

“I know.”

Eunkyung gives her a long look, hand heavy where she places it on Joohyun’s shoulder. Eunkyung has been her manager since the beginning and in some ways Joohyun might even consider her a friend, but Joohyun still often feels like there is a distance between them no amount of years can breach. This is why you don’t mix business with your personal life, she thinks. The hard truths always hurt more when it’s delivered by someone who says they’re doing it because they care.

“Okay, well, come on. You have to be on set soon.”

Eunkyung guides her out of the trailer with a small smile. In her hand, Joohyun’s phone lights up with another message.

_**Kang Seulgi** : I’m eating a lot, don't worry! But maybe the two of us could—_

Joohyun swipes away the notification, the message preview enough to make her head spin. She doesn’t respond until her day is over, hours later. She’s too busy to meet, she tells Seulgi, but she’ll see her for their first photoshoot in a few days. She leaves it at that and doesn’t get another response until the next day. Short and clipped and nothing like what their texts have been, even in the beginning when they didn’t know each other.

_**Kang Seulgi** : Okay, see you then. _

Whatever, Joohyun thinks, getting rid of the notification with barely a glance.

She’s just being careful.

* * *

Their first photoshoot together is outside, on top of some dingy rooftop that’s been made to look better than it really does. Their first outfits are matching dresses, and Seulgi is momentarily struck dumb when she sees Joohyun again.

“How do I look?” Joohyun asks, twisting this way and that, using the pockets in her dress to fan the bottom out. It spins when she does, rising just barely and exposing more of the skin of her thigh, and Seulgi feels dizzy.

“You look great.” And she means it even if the adjective isn’t possibly enough to describe the feeling that rises from deep within her when she looks at Joohyun with her hair mussed and her lips a cherry red, skin glowing under the light of the midday sun. “What about me?” Seulgi asks, just to distract herself from the sight of Joohyun’s easy smile.

“You look great too,” Joohyun answers readily, making Seulgi blush. She takes a look around them, at all the lights and cameras set up, and tucks her hair behind her ear; shy. “Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Seulgi says around a yawn.

“Are you tired?” Joohyun touches her arm briefly in concern, snatching it back so quickly Seulgi doubts if she even felt it at all.

“I’m all right. I just had an early schedule this morning, but I’ll be fine.”

“Let’s do well today then, so we can finish quickly.” They exchange matching grins, the sunlight making them both seem softer.

Seulgi was worried initially that it might be awkward. They hadn't spoken much lately—not like the beginning where every text was answered immediately and conversations spanned days at time—but Seulgi had gotten the impression that Joohyun wanted it that way so she left it alone. In spite of this, Joohyun seems perfectly normal in front of her, and Seulgi’s left to wonder if she just conjured up the tension between them herself.

The photoshoot goes well enough, though. They put the two of them in a variety of poses, next to each other and always touching. It feels romantic, and it would be if they weren’t two women, but even with Seulgi’s arms wrapped around Joohyun, or Joohyun’s head on Seulgi’s shoulder, Seulgi knows they’ll never be seen as anything else.

“Cute!” Seulgi hears someone comment as they look over the pictures. “You two really look like sisters!”

Seulgi smirks, wondering how no one else can see the flustered way the Seulgi in the photo is smiling after accidentally making eye contact with Joohyun. Joohyun elbows her softly, a matching smirk on her face, and something like relief finds its way in Seulgi’s chest because maybe Joohyun understands it too.

They certainly aren’t looking at each other like they’re sisters.

The summer sun is warm against her skin, but it makes it easier to blame the redness of her cheeks on the heat and not on the sight of Joohyun in a cropped shirt and shorts, grinning at the camera with her hair tossed back.

“This is going well,” Joohyun comments, once she’s done with her solo shots.

“Yeah, I think we only have a few more outfits left.”

Joohyun’s nose wrinkles. “And then the interview.”

“Why the long face? You don’t like interviews?”

“I try to avoid them if I can,” Joohyun replies honestly. “I’m….not great at saying what I mean. I can be a bit standoffish sometimes, too. Unintentionally.”

“Don’t worry,” Seulgi reassures. “You’ll do great, and if you need help, just follow my lead. I’m basically a pro by now.”

Joohyun grins, something tender in it that has Seulgi looking away. When she’s called for her turn, Seulgi stands, stretching. Upright, she can feel the breeze against the exposed skin of her stomach, gooseflesh appearing there despite the heat of the day. Next to her, Joohyun remains quiet, even when Seulgi turns to her, hands on her hips.

“Wish me luck,” she says but Joohyun stays mum, eyes glazed over in a way that has Seulgi blushing.

Seulgi can feel Joohyun watching her as she stands in front of the camera, eyes never leaving as Seulgi goes from one pose to the next. It makes the nerves in her body buzz pleasantly, and while Seulgi tries to ignore it, it’s hard to do so under Joohyun’s watchful gaze. Instead, Seulgi channels that energy into her modeling, raising her arms to show more of her stomach, biting at her lip when the camera comes nearer, lowering her head with hooded eyes when the photographer asks for more.

Seulgi’s an idol, after all.

If she’s going to be watched, then instinct demands she put on a show.

* * *

Seulgi has to know. That’s the only explanation Joohyun can come up with. Why else would she act so boldly like that when she knew Joohyun was looking? And Joohyun could kick herself for acting so foolishly. She wasn’t usually one to let herself go like that, but Seulgi had stood so suddenly, stretching while Joohyun was at eye level with Seulgi’s exposed stomach. She had a dancer’s body, that much was clear, and it was all Joohyun could do but hold herself back from doing something even more stupid like reach out and touch the indents of Seulgi’s abs.

It didn’t help, either, that for their last shots together Seulgi had been dressed in shorts instead of jeans so that Joohyun had even more to look away from.

“Are you okay?” Seulgi asks quietly, leaning in close to Joohyun’s ear as they wait for the photographer to finish setting up in front of them.

“Yeah,” Joohyun answers, eyes trained determinedly forward and away from the flex of Seulgi’s stomach as she rests her arm on Joohyun’s shoulder. “Let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

“Right.”

Watching Seulgi work the camera is its own kind of reward, Joohyun thinks, doing her best not to get distracted by how Seulgi can enchant with just a single look. It makes working with her both incredibly easy and extremely difficult, but the camera seems to love it, enraptured by the effortless way Joohyun and Seulgi move around each other.

When they finally finish with pictures, Joohyun lets out a breath of relief, ignoring how Seulgi seems to keep her eyes on Joohyun as they’re pulled aside and onto chairs so they can start the interview. They’re doing it together, side by side, underneath the shade of an umbrella with fans blowing. It makes Seulgi’s shirt—long and open—billow around her and Joohyun has to look away, torn between meeting the eyes of the interviewer or staring into the lens of the camera recording them.

They go through the normal questions first, answering things about the brand and reading off scripted prompts someone holds in front of them. This Joohyun can do. Long since used to the motions that come with brand deals and CF stints, she can fake enthusiasm for just about any product these days. She’s an actress for a reason, after all.

“This is the first time you’ve worked together. How was your first meeting?”

But this part? The personal questions and the inevitable lying that comes with them—Joohyun was never good at that. She’d rather sit quietly than answer anything about herself, and interviewers usually know it, all too eager to be the one to make Bae Joohyun crack first. But Joohyun didn’t like to lose and she refused to give into them first, so she always steels herself, tone short as she delivers only the answers that she has to.

Seulgi isn’t like that at all.

“It was good! We’ve actually met before so fortunately today didn’t feel awkward. I admire her a lot and getting to work together has been really fun so far.”

“What about you, Joohyun?” the interviewer asks, turning towards her. “How was it working with Seulgi?”

Joohyun swallows, feeling the heat of the day beginning to get to her. “It was good. Seulgi’s worked with this brand for a while so she felt like the senior between us in many ways. I think I learned a lot from watching her.”

“Of course. Seulgi’s known as a brand representative many companies are proud of, but you’re also someone who receives a lot of love from various brands. You’ve also been in the industry longer, so was there any advice you gave to Seulgi before starting?”

Joohyun tries to think, but comes up empty. She knows her and Seulgi have talked about work previously, but it was never too deeply and they always got sidetracked by personal conversations instead.

“No, not really,” Joohyun answers and is prepared to leave it at that. She can already see the interviewer frown, most likely ready to write some comment about how Joohyun is closed off, a stark contrast to the friendly idol next to her, until Seulgi clears her throat.

“Actually, she’s just being modest,” Seulgi says, shooting Joohyun a charming smile. “I’ve learned a lot from Joohyun, both directly and indirectly. Even though she doesn’t speak a lot, she makes sure everything she does say has meaning. She thinks a lot before she does things; I think that’s admirable. It’s good to be careful.”

Joohyun ducks her head at Seulgi’s words, unaware the girl had already figured Joohyun out so easily after only knowing her for a short time.

“It seems like you two have gotten quite close,” the interviewer points out, eyes darting between the two of them.

Joohyun pauses, suddenly concerned if he’s seeing something more there. Maybe he noticed how Joohyun couldn’t take her eyes off of Seulgi earlier, or maybe he saw how Joohyun had faltered when Seulgi had suddenly pulled Joohyun close during one of their pictures, the warm press of Seulgi’s bare stomach against Joohyun’s side still lingering on her mind. Maybe he’s caught onto how even now, Joohyun leans towards Seulgi, subconsciously seeking out her comfort under the probing lens of the cameras pointed at them.

“It must be nice to work with such a close friend,” he adds, smiling amicably, and Joohyun exhales in silent relief, tension leaving her all at once.

Next to her, Seulgi’s mouth lifts into a grin. To anyone else it must look like her normal, easygoing smile but Joohyun can see the subtle quirk in the corner of her lips, can feel the slight nudge where Seulgi knocks her knee into hers.

A mischievous glint to her eye, Seulgi reveals, “Yeah, it is nice. It’s like we’re sisters.”

And for the first time during an interview, Joohyun laughs—loud and unrestrained—and Seulgi can’t help but join, everyone around them confused yet endeared by the sight of such open displays of happiness.

The interview continues, Joohyun more comfortable than she usually is as she lets Seulgi take the lead, chiming in only when necessary or if a question is asked to her directly. This must be the training of an idol, Joohyun thinks, as she watches Seulgi effortlessly charm the interviewer with her sincerity. He eats up everything she says, and Joohyun can’t help but empathize, similarly enchanted by the curve of Seulgi’s smile and the way her whole body moves when she speaks, like she needs more than just words to express herself. It makes it easier to relax, knowing that someone like Seulgi is next to her.

Afterwards, when the interview is over and they’re both back in their own clothes, Seulgi pulls Joohyun aside.

“Are you doing anything after this?”

She still has the makeup on from the shoot, but her hair is pulled back into a ponytail now. Seeing her face so clearly like this, has Joohyun faltering. Not used to such openness.

“No, I’m done for the day,” Joohyun answers.

“I have some time before practice tonight. I was thinking of going to get something to eat, if you wanted to join?”

Joohyun wants to say no. For all intents and purposes, she should say no. And looking over at Eunkyung who’s watching them both with wary eyes, Joohyun knows that Eunkyung wants her to say no as well.

But Joohyun’s an adult, and she’s allowed to get meals with someone she considers a friend—risks be damned.

“Sure. That sounds nice.”

Seulgi’s answering beam is enough for Joohyun to know she made the right choice, even if it has Joohyun’s heart stuttering to an unusual rhythm.

It’ll be fine, Joohyun reasons, as long as she’s careful.

* * *

Joohyun is tense sitting across from her, and Seulgi can only smile sympathetically. The restaurant she brought Joohyun to is more crowded than usual, and even though they’re sitting somewhere close to the back, Seulgi isn’t blind to the heavy set of Joohyun’s shoulders nor the tight way she grips her chopsticks.

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi apologizes when Joohyun’s eyes dart suddenly to the person walking past their table. “It’s not normally this busy. They must be having a special or something today.”

Joohyun just shakes her head, smiling even though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “It’s fine. I did say I needed to get out more, didn't I?”

“Well, if you want to go we can. I’m already pretty full so I don’t mind.”

Joohyun gives her a look that says she knows Seulgi is lying. Truthfully, Seulgi is nowhere near full, but she wasn’t so mean as to force Joohyun to stay in an uncomfortable situation just so Seulgi could polish off her plate.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Seulgi. We may have only known each other a short while, but I know you can eat way more than that.”

Lowering her head to hide her blush, Seulgi just quietly shoves another bite into her mouth, proving Joohyun’s point. They don’t talk much for the rest of the meal. Seulgi’s determined to eat quickly so that they can leave sooner, and if Joohyun notices, she doesn’t say anything, too busy trying to make herself look small in her seat before anyone notices them.

It’s only once they’ve left, walking down a quiet street back to where Seulgi’s car is parked, that Seulgi sees Joohyun finally relax.

“You really don’t like crowds, huh?”

“It’s not really the crowd. It’s—” Joohyun pauses, worrying at her lip. “I just don’t really like being noticed in public.”

“You know the more you try to hide, the more noticeable you are,” Seulgi says.

“What do you mean?”

Seulgi points to her face, free with nothing but a hat on to cover her. “If I just walk around like this, people barely pay attention, but when I try to cover up too much, they wonder why I’m hiding so they stare. No one cares when you seem just like them.”

“But I’m not like them.”

Seulgi furrows her brows, pausing in the middle of the street. Joohyun looks flustered by her own words, refusing to meet Seulgi’s eyes as she stares pointedly down the other end of the road.

“Well, I guess that’s true, but even if you’re a celebrity, you’re still a person just like everyone else, you know?”

“Right,” Joohyun says, nodding. “Of course, that’s what you meant.”

Joohyun begins walking again as Seulgi can only stare at her back, a sinking feeling that they weren’t talking about the same thing at all.

Before she can think too deeply about it, Seulgi whirls Joohyun around with a hand to her shoulder. Surprised, Joohyun can do nothing but stare wordlessly back at her. Soothingly, Seulgi presses gently against Joohyun’s shoulder with her thumb, dipping just slightly underneath where the hood of Joohyun’s sweater rests and relishes in the warmth she finds there. Joohyun’s mouth falls open, and Seulgi resolutely ignores it, focusing instead on Joohyun’s eyes and how they seem to darken with every pass of Seulgi’s thumb.

“There’s a place with good bubble tea not too far from here,” Seulgi manages to get out, fighting to keep her tone light even as the urge to pull Joohyun close to her, right here in the middle of the street, worms its way to the forefront of her mind. “We can take it to go and drink it in the car. I promise no one will notice you and if they do, I’ll make a really big scene so they get distracted by seeing Red Velvet’s Seulgi outside instead. Deal?”

Joohyun blinks before laughing disbelievingly. She steps away from Seulgi’s hand, and Seulgi tries not to miss the feeling of her, choosing to get lost in the curve of Joohyun’s crooked grin instead.

“Deal.”

Joohyun can keep hiding if she wants to, Seulgi decides, as they move together down the street, arms brushing every so often before Joohyun finally gives in and wraps her hand around Seulgi’s elbow, her body small as she tucks into Seulgi’s suddenly tense side.

As long as it’s not Seulgi Joohyun wants to shy away from, Seulgi can be brave enough for the both of them.

* * *

Seulgi’s true to her word, ushering Joohyun in and out of the bubble tea shop in a matter of minutes. While Joohyun keeps her mask on and her head low the entire time, Seulgi is the picture of nonchalance, perfectly unbothered as she orders for them both easily. It’s only on the walk back to the car that Joohyun lowers her mask, trying to mirror some of Seulgi’s confidence even as unease pricks teasingly against the base of her skull.

“So this one my dad took,” Seulgi says, showing Joohyun her latest instagram post. “I love going home because he and my mom always spoil me. I actually didn’t want to post this because the flash looked too bright, but he insisted and I can’t say no to my dad, so—what?”

Joohyun can only blink at her, totally enamored at the sight of such a popular idol essentially admitting to being a daddy’s girl.

“Nothing, you’re just so different than what I thought you’d be like.”

“Oh. What did you think I’d be like?”

“I don’t know. I’ve watched videos of you on stage before, and you were really impressive,” Joohyun begins as Seulgi ducks her head shyly, drinking from her bubble tea to avoid meeting Joohyun’s eyes, “so when I met you, I assumed you’d be similarly intense. But you weren’t like that at all.”

“Is that….a bad thing?”

“Not at all. It’s actually nice. I don’t think I’ve ever met a celebrity like you before.”

“I’m one of a kind.” Seulgi grins. “But I don’t think that means much from you. You said you don’t really hang out with celebrities right?”

“Not really.” Joohyun shakes her head, smiling wryly. She stares out of the windshield to avoid Seulgi’s eyes. “I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I’m a little….cautious when it comes to choosing who I spend time with.”

“I’m sure you have your reasons. The industry we’re in is hard; being cautious never hurts anybody.”

“But you’re not like that,” Joohyun points out.

Seulgi shrugs. “I’m careful too, but I try not to let other people control my personal life. I’ve already sacrificed so many things to be where I am, if I start letting them have a say in the things I do in my free time, I think I’d go crazy.”

“Is that why you don’t care about—” Joohyun snaps her mouth shut, stopping herself from asking a question she’s been dying to ask since before she even met Seulgi. Seulgi is just too comfortable to talk to, sometimes Joohyun forgets that she still needs to be mindful of her words.

“Care about what?”

Joohyun shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Come on,” Seulgi prompts, nudging Joohyun with her elbow. “You can ask. I’m an open book.”

It’s tempting. Seulgi looks so sincere, free from the confines of whatever shackles Joohyun’s kept her own secret in, and, not for the first time, Joohyun’s left to wonder if Seulgi’s rumor is even a rumor at all. But Joohyun knows what it’s like to be interrogated about something so personal against your will. She knows how it feels for something so sacred to be pried out of you with no thought at all. She knows and she’s promised herself to never be the person on the opposite end of it. If Seulgi wants to tell Joohyun, she will. Assuming there’s even something to tell.

“It’s fine. Forget I said anything.”

“Hey,” Seulgi calls, resting her hand on Joohyun’s forearm. Her palm burns where it meets Joohyun’s sweater, and Joohyun swallows, feeling nervous now for an entirely different reason. Seulgi waits until Joohyun looks at her, and when Joohyun does, she finds Seulgi’s eyes, imploring in their earnestness. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. If you want to ask me something, ask. I promise I’ll answer, and if I don’t want to, I’ll tell you. So, go ahead. Ask whatever it is you were going to. I can tell you want to.”

Joohyun bites her lip. She’s not sure if it’s the warmth in Seulgi’s eyes or the heat from Seulgi’s hand, but Joohyun feels like she’s burning, overwhelmed both by Seulgi so close in her personal space and the impending conversation they’re about to have.

“There’s a rumor about you,” Joohyun forces out, and Seulgi’s hand tenses ever so slightly against Joohyun’s arm. “About the kind of people you like to date. I don’t normally believe in rumors, but…”

“But you think this one might be true?”

Seulgi’s hand begins to slide away from Joohyun. Without thinking, Joohyun stops it with her own. They’ve never held hands before, but Joohyun needs this point of contact. She needs to feel like Seulgi won’t slip away from her. She needs to feel like a secret like this won’t force them apart.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true. That’s why I told you to forget I said anything. I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place since it’s nothing but a rumor anyway—”

“It’s not.”

Seulgi squeezes at Joohyun’s hand, eyes set determinedly forward. Joohyun’s heart stops, suddenly overcome with a feeling she can’t describe because now she’s no longer alone.

_Seulgi’s like her._

“It’s not a rumor. I-I’m not picky about who I date. Guy or girl, as long as they’re a good person, it doesn’t really matter to me.” Seulgi shrugs, scratching at the back of her neck with her free hand. She laughs in that short, awkward way Joohyun knows she does whenever she’s feeling uncomfortable and trying to fight it, but even then, she’s somehow still the picture of ease even as she’s just openly admitted to something Joohyun’s had to force down about herself for years. “It’s not exactly a secret so don’t feel bad about asking. I just hope this doesn’t change anything between us, but I understand if it does. It’s okay if you don’t want to continue being friends, but—”

“I do!”

Seulgi blinks at the outburst, probably confused at why Joohyun’s the one who’s breathless like she just ran a marathon when Seulgi was the one who just came out to her. But Joohyun can’t possibly sift through the emotions she’s feeling, equal parts relieved at this newfound knowledge but also jealous at how easily Seulgi could reveal it.

“I do want to keep being friends because I—because I—”

 _I’m like you_ , Joohyun wants to say but can’t. The words dying in her throat no matter how much she wants to force them out.

“Because I like spending time with you,” Joohyun settles on. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth Joohyuun wants to say either. “This doesn’t change anything, Seulgi. I promise.”

Seulgi smiles gratefully, turning her palm over so that their fingers can lace together. Her skin is smooth, but Joohyun can’t even focus enough to appreciate it. She’s too lost on the words she can’t say, hoping desperately that some of Seulgi’s bravery could seep out of her hand and into Joohyun’s so that Joohyun can tell her all the things she wants to as well.

“I like spending time with you, too.”

It dawns on Joohyun as she gets absorbed in the shine of Seulgi’s eyes that Joohyun had been wrong because Seulgi is like her but beautiful and kind and warmer than anyone else Joohyun knows. Even after years in the industry, Seulgi still has the capacity to be so genuine in every aspect of her life, and Joohyun can say with finality that she’s never met someone like her before.

Joohyun had been wrong because perhaps her superficial crush isn’t so superficial anymore.

Suddenly everything has changed.

* * *

Joohyun is stiff next to her, and Seulgi can’t help but wonder how much of that is because of the rumor confirmed so easily by Seulgi’s own mouth. Maybe she shouldn’t have revealed things so readily, but Seulgi’s not a liar, and she’s never felt comfortable with the idea of hiding herself away from people she considers a friend. So much of her job demands that she pretend to be someone she isn’t. If she starts doing that in her personal life, too, how much more of her true self will be left?

So it hadn’t taken much thought at all to bare herself open to Joohyun. If Joohyun didn’t accept her, that was her own problem. It would hurt, but Seulgi would get over it. She’s an idol in a booming industry; she’s no stranger to disappointment.

“So, I’ll see you soon?” Seulgi says, parked in the parking garage underneath Joohyun’s building.

Joohyun’s been quiet ever since their talk earlier, and Seulgi can see how her fingers curl tightly against her knees. Her head is low, hair falling forward like a curtain. Seulgi can’t see her face, but she’s prepared for the worst. Joohyun may have said nothing changed, but Seulgi thinks that couldn’t have been any more wrong.

“Joohyun?” Seulgi tries, reaching for her shoulder carefully. Joohyun jumps at the contact, and Seulgi pulls her hand back. “Are you okay?”

“I….I…”

Seulgi can see the war happening behind Joohyun’s eyes. She wants to stop it. She wants to go back to the easy conversation from earlier. For the first time, Seulgi wishes she could take back her secret so that she could keep Joohyun on her side just a little bit longer.

“Look, if you’re not comfortable with me anymore—”

Joohyun stops her with a sharp glare. The confusion she’d seen in Joohyun’s eyes before, giving way to determination.

“I told you it’s not that. It’s….it’s….” Joohyun groans, head dropping to her hands. “Why can’t I say it?”

“Joohyun?”

Joohyun breathes deeply.

“I’m like you,” Joohyun whispers. Seulgi can only blink, unsure of what it is Joohyun’s admitting to.

“What—”

“I’m like you,” Joohyun repeats, staring intently into Seulgi’s eyes. “I like women.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

The admission is unexpected. Even with Seulgi’s admittedly shallow crush on the actress, she’d never dared to hope that someone like Joohyun could like someone like her. Maybe it was Seulgi’s innate belief that everyone was straight until proven otherwise, but she feels stupid now. The signs had been there. Seulgi had noticed the way Joohyun looked at her at the photoshoot, she’d even reveled in the feeling of Joohyun’s eyes on her. And Joohyun’s fear of being noticed outside with her, that paranoia of people seeing things where there was nothing. It all made sense. Seulgi had just been too afraid to hope.

Seulgi can see Joohyun’s throat bob with a harsh swallow. She can see the uneasy way Joohyun’s eyes shift across Seulgi’s face. She can see the tension coiled tightly in the hard set of Joohyun’s jaw. She can see all these things, and yet all Seulgi can think is that she’s never seen someone look so brave before. Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand again, hoping she can provide the same comfort that Joohyun had given her before.

“Thank you for telling me,” Seulgi tells her. “I know that must have been hard for you.”

“I just,” Joohyun starts, fingers curling around Seulgi’s pleadingly. “I just didn’t want you to think you were alone.”

And, _oh_ , Seulgi realizes. There it is. The real truth Joohyun is revealing. Joohyun needed someone like her. She needed to not be alone anymore. She needed Seulgi.

“You’re not alone, either.”

Joohyun nods, and Seulgi feels like she understands now, like Joohyun’s finally letting Seulgi see her. Beneath all that celebrity bravado was someone just like Seulgi, only more strictly confined by the demanding expectations that comes with being an actress in their industry. Seulgi’s not a fool, even if she’s a victim of much of the same scrutiny, she knows it’s arguably easier for her. She’s from a popular company, she had fans before she even debuted who would write her letters and shower her with compliments when she would leave to and from training. And even without them, Seulgi has supportive group members to fall back on when she feels like she has no one else.

Who does Joohyun have?

“I’m glad you told me,” Seulgi says, squeezing Joohyun’s hand gently. “It’s always nice to meet someone who gets it.”

“Yeah,” Joohyun agrees softly. “It is.”

They sit for a long moment, letting the moment settle and the heaviness of Joohyun’s confession dissipate, until Joohyun finally releases Seulgi’s hand and they both relax back into their seats.

“You probably have to go to practice now, right?”

Seulgi looks at the time and winces. She’s running late. “Yeah, I should probably go.”

“Thank you for tonight, Seulgi,” Joohyun tells her, the smile on her face seeming far less restrained than Seulgis’ used to. It has Seulgi feeling unusually starstruck, grateful that she has a hat on to hide the blush she’s sure is blooming on her cheeks. “It’s been nice spending time with you. I’ve kind of forgotten what it was like to get out like this so often.”

Seulgi gulps, doing what she does best whenever she begins to feel awkward with embarrassment, and smiles brightly.

“It’s been nice spending time with you, too,” Seulgi promises. “I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you.”

“Me too. I’ll talk to you soon?”

Seulgi nods as Joohyun begins to gather her things, watching with a feeling she recognizes as longing as Joohyun prepares to leave.

“Goodnight, Joohyun.”

Joohyun shoots her one last smile, tentatively squeezing Seulgi’s forearm like she’d done the last time Seulgi dropped her off here.

“Goodnight, Seulgi.”

It’s only once Joohyun’s disappeared into the elevator, and Seulgi’s back on the road to the practice room—memories of Joohyun sitting in the seat next to her, looking so open and unafraid, etched into every corner of her mind—that Seulgi comes to the startling realization.

Her shallow crush isn’t so shallow anymore.

* * *

"Hey, Joohyun."

Joohyun hastily puts her phone away, worried at first that her co-star might have seen what was on her screen, and then shakes her head at herself. It shouldn't matter if he did; she’s allowed to watch an idol music video in her spare time. It doesn't mean anything.

"Hey," she greets, smiling wearily at Minho.

He hands her a cup of coffee, fresh from the coffee truck one of his fans had sent to their filming location. Joohyun doesn’t particularly want it, but she knows better than to be rude, so she accepts it graciously if only so she can use it to warm her hands.

As an idol, Minho’s always careful in how he handles himself, constantly wary about who might be looking. Even now, on a closed set, he's sure to sit some distance away from Joohyun to maintain boundaries. Idly, Joohyun wonders if all idols are supposed to act like him, and if Seulgi just conveniently missed the day that training took place.

"You seem tired," he says.

"I’m all right."

"Don’t worry, you can be honest. I won’t tell," he whispers like it's some kind of secret that they're all running on nothing but caffeine and sheer force of will.

"Then I guess I am a little, but you just had a comeback, right?" Joohyun asks, and he nods. "That must be hard for you."

He shrugs. "You get used to it. I’m sure you’re just as exhausted.”

“I just have to memorize lines. You have to do that on top of singing and dancing three times a week.”

“Ah, well. When you put it like that.” He scratches at the back of his neck, the epitome of charming idol boy, and if Joohyun weren’t the way she was maybe she would have found him attractive. As it stands, Joohyun looks at him and all she can think of is the way Seulgi had grinned at her a few nights ago, the straw from her bubble tea trapped between her teeth as she ducked her head to Joohyun’s compliments.

“So, I was wondering,” Minho starts, pulling Joohyun out of her reverie. “I know you’re probably busy, but filming is ending soon, so I thought maybe we could exchange numbers?”

Oh.

Joohyun blinks, unsure of where this is coming from. Minho is nice enough, but Joohyun knows that in their world exchanging numbers with someone of the opposite sex is the equivalent of confirming mutual interest. And Joohyun is far from interested.

“Actually, I—”

“She can’t.” Eunkyung settles between them, taking the coffee from Joohyun’s hand and replacing it with a tea. Joohyun thanks her, sipping from it immediately while Minho can only look on in defeat. Eunkyung levels him with a pointed stare until Minho finally gets the hint, scrambling out of his seat.

“Uh, I’m going to go over some of my lines. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiles hopefully at Joohyun before leaving hurriedly.

“Thanks for that,” Joohyun tells Eunkyung once he’s gone. “I’m not sure I would have been very nice with my rejection.”

“You never are.” Eunkyung snorts, looking far too smug for what’s warranted. “Though you have been in a pretty good mood lately. I take it that things with Seulgi are well.”

Joohyun narrows her eyes at her. “They are. Seulgi’s nice.”

“You know,” Eunkyung starts, the picture of indifference, “her music video just got released. Have you seen it?”

Joohyun swallows, remembering how she’d watched it as soon as it debuted, and then watched it again immediately after just because. The image of Seulgi crawling on screen is still burned into her mind.

“I did.”

Eunkyung raises a brow. “And? Did you like it?”

“I….did.”

“That’s good.” Eunkyung hums, eyeing Joohyun strangely before handing Joohyun her phone. “Here, I took this the other day during your photoshoot,” she says nonchalantly, barely sparing Joohyun a glance. “I thought you might like it.”

On the screen is a picture of Joohyun and Seulgi together, Joohyun’s head turned fully towards Seulgi as Seulgi bows her head with a shy smile. Joohyun’s eyes are shining and her own smile—small but there—is directed at Seulgi and Seulgi alone. Looking at it, at how comfortable and smitten Joohyun is next to Seulgi, Joohyun can’t help but swallow.

“Maybe I was wrong,” Eunkyung tells her, taking the phone back, screen dark but the image still etched into Joohyun’s memories.

“About?”

Eunkyung just shakes her head. “You should message her. Her manager told me she’s stressed about her debut. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”

Joohyun furrows her brow, wondering where this sudden change of heart is coming from. Eunkyung, as great as she is, never fails to give Joohyun whiplash with her constantly changing moods.

“What about being careful?” Joohyun asks and Eunkyung nudges into her.

“You’ve been around how many years now? You can handle yourself.” She shrugs before pinning Joohyun with a harsh stare. “Just don’t go around getting caught now, though, okay? Last time was—”

They both pause, the words Eunkyung didn’t say lingering between them heavily. Joohyun can feel every part of her body immediately go taut, remnants of her last failed relationship slinking their way back to her like muscle memory. Eunkyung, at least, has the grace to look sheepish.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up again.”

Joohyun waves her off, willing herself to relax even as tension pulls at her. Eunkyung means well, and this isn’t going to be a repeat of last time. Joohyun knows better now.

“It’s fine, but this won’t be like before. Things are different now.”

She’s no longer that kid fresh in the industry who was so easily scarred by someone choosing their dreams over her. Looking back, Joohyun can say she’d probably have made the same choice anyway. How easy it is, to find yourself turned into the very person you wanted so badly to hate.

“I know, and you’ve grown a lot since then. I trust you.” Eunkyung nudges her carefully. “Seulgi’s different from her too, you know?”

Joohyun knows that too. Seulgi is kind. She’s confident. Seulgi goes out alone and doesn’t care who sees her and apparently works just fine in her industry with her secret out in the open. No, Seulgi’s not like her at all.

“I know. Seulgi is….she’s….” Joohyun shakes her head, pushing the thoughts away. “Why are we even talking about this? I already told you, it’s not even like that.”

Eunkyung just arches a brow in amusement, already stalking off towards who knows where now that their conversation is seemingly over. “Sure, sure.”

Biting at her lip, Joohyun jogs to catch up with her.

“Hey, could you send me that picture?”

Eunkyung just gives her a smirk, and Joohyun pushes at her.

Whatever. It may not be like that, but Joohyun knows herself well enough to know there is little that could be doubted in that picture and how she’d been looking at Seulgi. She hasn’t looked at anyone that way in a long time.

It may not be like that now, but Joohyun certainly wants it to be.

* * *

Seulgi hovers over the name on her phone for a long moment, internally debating. They don’t do these things—not yet—but Seulgi’s got some time to kill until she’s expected on stage and there’s always a first time for everything.

She checks Joohyun’s last text to her again, confirming that Joohyun did, in fact, say she isn’t currently busy. Seulgi almost feels bad for bothering her, but after so many years, Seugi’s learned that being backstage at a music show could be dreadfully boring, even more so without any members to talk to. It doesn’t help, either, that Seulgi’s anxiety is growing the closer it gets to her turn. It’s her first week of promotions, and while Seulgi would usually consider herself above the nerves that come with performing, there’s something about being alone for the first time that’s starting to get to her.

And yet despite all of that, Seulgi just can’t get the image of Joohyun sitting inside her car, legs crossed while she drank from her bubble tea as Seulgi revealed the biggest part of herself to her. Joohyun was much more open then, comfortably hidden away in the safety of Seulgi’s car and off the streets.

Joohyun’s been on her mind since.

Pulling up 10 seconds of confidence, Seulgi lets go of the last of her restraint and hits call. She wants to talk to Joohyun, and if Joohyun wants to talk to her too she’ll answer. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and Seulgi could use the welcome distraction to get her mind off things.

“Hello?”

“You answered.”

Seulgi cringes at her response, but it earns her a laugh from Joohyun which makes the brief wave of embarrassment worth it.

“ _You_ called _me_ and you’re surprised that I answered?”

Joohyun’s voice sounds different through the phone—somehow softer yet deeper—and Seulgi thinks she can get used to this change.

“Uh, yeah.”

Joohyun snorts out a laugh. “You’re so weird.”

Seulgi rolls her eyes, biting back the grin that threatens to spill across her face.

“And you’re meaner over the phone,” Seulgi teases, laughing afterwards in case Joohyun takes her seriously.

“It’s easier to be when I don’t have to look you in the eye,” Joohyun answers.

“Are you saying looking at me makes you nicer?”

Joohyun pauses for a long moment, her steady breaths the only reason Seulgi knows she hasn’t hung up yet.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Maybe I should only talk to you in person, then, so that you’re always nice.”

“I’m sure interviewers would love that,” Joohyun jokes. “They’d probably write an article about what a good influence you are on me.”

“I think it’d be more like the other way around. They’ll say I’ve gotten more refined since working with you.”

Joohyun laughs softly, the sound of it enough to make Seulgi lower her head shyly. Around her, her staff is darting about, preparing for Seulgi’s stage while Seulgi tries to tuck herself into the corner so that no one can see her giggling into her phone like a teenager calling her crush for the first time.

“I don’t know about that. You seem pretty refined already.”

“I’m an idol,” Seulgi boasts, “I’m good at putting on a show.”

“That you are,” Joohyun agrees easily. “Speaking of, isn’t it your debut stage today?”

“You’re keeping track of my promotions?” Seulgi asks, a little flustered at the idea. Joohyun doesn’t answer immediately, and Seulgi grants her a respite, quickly moving on. “But yes it is. I’m actually in the waiting room right now.”

“Right now? Shouldn’t you be preparing instead of talking to me?”

“Trying to get rid of me already?”

Joohyun huffs and Seulgi can almost hear the roll of her eyes as she says, “No, just worried I might be getting you into trouble.”

“Don’t worry about that. Music shows are mostly a lot of waiting around until you perform and then a lot more waiting around until you go out for the ending stage. It’s pretty boring when you’re here alone.”

“Ah,” Joohyun hums. “So you only called me because you were bored.”

“And because I was thinking about you,” Seulgi reveals a little too freely. She should be embarrassed by speaking so unashamedly, but Joohyun was right. It’s easier when she can’t look at Joohyun face to face, and Seulgi’s never been the type to shy away from her feelings if she could help it.

“What about me?” Joohyun asks, and Seulgi’s not sure if it’s just wishful thinking that has her detecting the flirtatious undertone. It wouldn’t be the first time Seulgi’s tried to find clues where there were none.

“Just that I wanted to talk to you.”

Seulgi grins as Joohyun laughs again, no doubt expecting Seulgi to have answered with something more teasing than that. But Seulgi’s nothing if not honest, and over time, she’s learned that nothing charms a girl quite as well as that.

“All right, Kang Seulgi. What would you like to talk about?”

Seulgi settles more comfortably in her seat in the corner. She’s still got another half hour before her stage, and she feels surprisingly relaxed now, something about having Joohyun in her ear calming her in a way nothing else has.

“I don’t know. Anything. Tell me about your day.”

“That’s it? It wasn’t very exciting.”

“Tell me anyway.”

So Joohyun does, Seulgi listening attentively as Joohyun tells her about how she was so cold filming her scene early that morning that her toes went numb.

“You always seem like you’re cold,” Seulgi swears. “I even saw a video on YouTube once that was just clips of you walking around looking cold.”

“You watch videos of me on YouTube?”

Seulgi freezes, mouth opening and closing as she fishes for a response. When one doesn’t come quickly enough, Joohyun giggles.

“I’m just kidding, Seulgi. Relax,” Joohyun saves her, smoothly sidestepping Seulgi’s blunder the same way Seulgi had done for her just moments earlier. Instead, she switches topics to talk about one of her stylists who’s a fan of Seulgi’s. “I think she might kill me when she finds out I’ve been talking to you without getting her an autograph.”

“I’ll send her an album then. What’s her name?”

“What? No, Seulgi, you don’t have to do that. I was just kidding.”

“I wasn’t. I have a bunch of albums for this reason. I’ve got to promote myself somehow, you know?”

“Really? You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” Seulgi promises, writing down the name Joohyun gives her on a note along with a reminder to ask her manager to send out the album later.

Joohyun seems touched, going on and on about how Seulgi doesn’t have to while Seulgi continuously assures her that it’s fine. There are many downsides to being who she is, but making someone’s day with something as simple as an autograph would never be one of them. Seulgi loves being an idol, if only because she likes the idea that just being herself can make someone else happy.

They talk a bit more, exchanging mundane stories until Seulgi’s manager signals that it’s time to go. Seulgi won’t deny being disappointed that she has to leave Joohyun even if the sudden rush that comes with the thought of performing greets her in its stead.

“I haven’t talked on the phone like this with someone in a long time,” Joohyun reveals as they say their goodbyes. “It was nice.”

She sounds shy, her voice so small and quiet Seulgi wishes she could reach through the phone and touch her even as her cheeks begin to warm with an incoming blush at her words.

“It was,” Seulgi agrees quietly. “Thanks for answering.”

“Thanks for calling. Good luck on stage later. I’ll try to watch.”

“I’ll have to do really well then, so I can impress you.”

“You already impress me, Kang Seulgi,” Joohyun says, and Seulgi’s blush intensifies. “Text me later?”

“I will. Goodbye, Joohyun.”

“Goodbye, Seulgi.”

Armed with the knowledge that Joohyun will be watching, Seulgi is especially spirited as she performs. She feels confident, none of her earlier anxiety anywhere to be seen now that she knows Joohyun finds her impressive without even trying, and it makes it easier to enjoy the stage, too, the cheers of the fans providing that extra boost of energy.

When she shoots an unpracticed wink into the camera on a whim, Seulgi pretends like she’s just doing it for the fans and their urging. She’s no stranger to practiced fanservice for the sake of earning a few more views. Though somewhere in the back of her mind, Seulgi can’t help but wonder.

_Joohyun, are you watching?_

* * *

“You’ve been into music shows lately.”

Joohyun frowns at Eunkyung in the driver’s seat but says nothing. On her phone, the music show stream is playing. Joohyun’s not very familiar with any of the artists but Seulgi’s performing later and ever since their first phone call, Joohyun’s tried to tune in whenever she could over the last few days.

“I also saw you step out to take a call a couple times this week,” Eunkyung comments lightly when it’s clear Joohyun isn’t going to offer her anything more.

Joohyun sighs, wondering if they’re really going to do this now with Haewon and Kyungri snoring in the backseat.

“You seem to notice a lot of things.”

“I’m your manager, it’s my job to notice things.”

Joohyun snorts. “Of course. Nothing gets past you does it?”

“See? You’re finally getting it,” Eunkyung says, and Joohyun rolls her eyes, refusing to give her anything more. She’s long since learned that responding to Eunkyung’s stupidity only encourages her. “You know your schedule is pretty light the next few days. Filming is almost over, too, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

Joohyun gives her a look. “Okay?”

“I’m just saying, if you wanted to go out more, hang out with your friends or whatever, now would be the time.”

“Eunkyung,” Joohyun starts, glancing towards the back to make sure Haewon and Kyungri are actually asleep. She continues in a harsh whisper, “I know what you’re trying to do, and you can stop. I can handle things by myself.”

Eunkyung raises her hands in surrender, but keeps her eyes to the road.

“I was just saying.”

Joohyun rolls her eyes and goes back to her phone. Seulgi’s performance will be at the end and there’s still a half hour left. She intends to ignore Eunkyung and only pay attention to the show, but Seulgi hasn’t responded to her since this morning and even though Joohyun knows how busy Seulgi is, she can still feel the sting of rejection and it has her unusually confrontational.

“You know for a manager you’re awfully nosy,” Joohyun grumbles.

“What?” Eunkyung scoffs. “I’m not _nosy_ , I’m _supportive_. You should be happy; not many people can say the same about their managers.”

“Yeah, well, not many people can say their manager is trying to butt into their love life.”

“So you finally admit it, then.” Eunkyung smirks. “This is about your love life.”

“No, that’s not—” Joohyun tips her head back to rest against the seat. “I’m just watching a music show to support a friend. Can we just leave it at that?”

“Sure,” Eunkyung agrees, “but like I said, you have a light schedule the next few days, so if you want to hang out with your _friend_ there’s nothing stopping you.”

Joohyun groans, choosing to stay quiet even though she can feel Eunkyung’s self-satisfaction rolling off her in waves. Eunkyung could be as annoyingly competitive as Joohyun, and she never misses an opportunity to gloat when she can. It’s only especially annoying right now because Joohyun knows she’s right. It’s not often she gets free time and making use of it to spend time with someone she actually wants to see wouldn’t be the worst idea.

Focusing on her phone again and the music show still streaming, Joohyun bites her lip. She chances a glance Eunkyung’s way, making sure her manager is concentrating on the road and not on her. Discreetly as possible, she fires off a quick text before going back to the music show, doing her best to seem nonchalant.

It doesn’t work, though, because as soon as they hit the next stoplight, Eunkyung nods towards Joohyun’s phone with a smirk.

“So did you ask your _friend_ to hang out just now?”

“Shut up.”

* * *

_**Bae Joohyun** : You know you still owe me an art lesson_

_**Kang Seulgi** : I do don’t I?_

_**Bae Joohyun** : If you’re free tomorrow, you can come over_

_**Bae Joohyun** : I’ll even feed you_

_**Kang Seulgi** : You should have started with that! _

_**Kang Seulgi** : I’ll definitely be there_

* * *

Joohyun’s apartment building feels intimidating to stand inside of. Even walking through the private entrance, Seulgi knows this is the kind of place that only someone with several successful acting roles and an armful of CF deals could afford.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Joohyun says, guiding Seulgi into the threshold of her apartment. “Food is on the way, but can I get you anything else? Snacks? A drink?”

“I’m okay,” Seulgi answers, setting the backpack she brought down. She takes a moment to look around, eyeing the pictures lining Joohyun’s walls and the warm, neutral colors of her furniture and matching drapes. It’s strangely fitting for someone like Joohyun. “I like your apartment. It feels comfortable.”

“That’s all my sister’s doing. She has more of an eye for these things than I do.”

“That’s nice. Are you close with your sister?”

“Kind of.” Joohyun shrugs, sitting down on the couch and motioning for Seulgi to do the same. “She’s a few years younger than me so we didn’t hang out that much growing up, but now that she’s older we talk a bit more. She’s back home in Daegu, though, so I don’t see her that much.”

“I’ve always wondered what having an older sister would be like.” Seulgi wrinkles her nose. “I only have an older brother, and he’s annoying most of the time.”

Joohyun laughs. “You didn’t have older friends who were girls? That’s kind of the same.”

“Nope.” Seulgi shakes her head. “Even when I was training, I was the oldest girl.”

“You must be good at taking care of others then.”

Joohyun shifts as she says this, lifting her knee to rest on the couch as she angles herself towards Seulgi. She rests her elbow on the back of the couch, head leaned against her fist, and in her loose shirt and leggings, Seulgi is struck suddenly by the realization that she’s never quite seen Joohyun look so relaxed before.

“Ah.” Seulgi scratches at her cheek, sheepish. “I’m honestly not so great at that either.”

Joohyun nudges her. “I’m sure your members would disagree.”

“No, really,” Seulgi insists. “Seungwan’s better with that sort of thing. I just try to stay friendly with everyone and make sure we don’t all kill each other when it’s 3am and we haven’t slept.”

“You care in your own way,” Joohyun decides, reaching over to pat at Seulgi’s thigh, and Seulgi has to look away, cheeks warming either from the compliment or the warmth of Joohyun’s palm seeping through the fabric of her pants.

Seulgi coughs, reaching for her backpack as a distraction.

“Right, so I brought a few different things. I wasn’t sure what kind of drawing you wanted to do so I thought I’d give you some options.” She pulls out a sketchpad and an assortment of art tools until Joohyun’s coffee table is covered with an array of markers, pens, and pencils.

Joohyun lets out a disbelieving huff. “Did you bring over everything you own?”

“What? No, of course not. This isn't even half.”

“Right, of course.”

Once her bag is empty, Seulgi turns to Joohyun excitedly. “So. What do you want to draw?”

Joohyun chooses a picture of herself after some prompting on Seulgi’s end and picks up a regular graphite pencil at Seulgi’s advice. Together Seulgi helps Joohyun recreate the lines of her own face on the paper. First, with light lines to outline the shape, then with darker lines as she adds more details. Joohyun is the picture of concentration, listening attentively for Seulgi’s instruction, and Seulgi finds the way Joohyun bites at her lip in thought to be far more distracting than it has any right to be. Even the uncertain way she turns to Seulgi after every stroke of her pencil has Seulgi determinedly staring down at the paper to avoid being caught staring.

The end result is something that doesn’t look like Joohyun at all, but Seulgi showers her with compliments anyway, if only because she likes the way the tips of Joohyun’s ears pink with each word of praise.

“I’m serious! It looks really good!”

Joohyun narrows her eyes in suspicion. “Sure it does. Here, you try. I want to see how a professional does it.”

“I’m not a professional,” Seulgi mumbles, but turns the sketchbook to a new page anyway.

It’s effortless to draw Joohyun. Her face is symmetrical and her expressions are easily captured on paper. It helps, too, that this isn’t the first time Seulgi’s drawn her. Not that Seulgi would ever admit it, but there had been a moment after their first meetup, where Seulgi couldn’t get the image of Joohyun sitting in the front seat of her car out of her head. Before she could really think about it, Seulgi had found herself pulling up a picture of Joohyun, trying to capture Joohyun’s likeness as best she could with her pencil. She’d torn that page of her sketchbook out, shoved it somewhere deep in her desk drawer, and hoped to forget about it. But like muscle memory, her hand remembers even if her brain would like to forget, and before Seulgi knows it, Joohyun is taking shape right before her eyes.

“Wow,” Joohyun whistles in awe. “You’re really good. How’d you do that?”

Seulgi blushes. “It’s just a quick sketch, and you were watching the whole time! I even explained as I did it.”

Joohyun blinks, her cheeks seeming to color right before Seulgi’s eyes. It’s disarming, especially at such close proximity, and Seulgi almost misses the way Joohyun’s throat bobs with a sudden swallow.

“Right, you did. I just got distracted.”

Seulgi grins, feeling confident and a little cheeky. “By how good I am?”

“As if.” Joohyun rolls her eyes, knocking into Seulgi’s shoulder. “Seriously, how come yours turned out so good? I followed everything you said!”

“Maybe you just don’t have an artist’s hand,” Seulgi teases, wiggling her fingers at Joohyun.

Joohyun narrows her eyes at her. “What does that even mean?”

“Here. Look.”

Emboldened, Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand, splaying their palms flat against each other with their fingers outstretched. Joohyun’s hands are noticeably smaller than Seulgi’s, the tips of Seulgi’s fingers extending passed Joohyun’s. Like this, Seulgi’s hand could easily dwarf hers, and if it were anyone else, maybe Seulgi would be a little bit more brave and curl her fingers down until they pressed against the back of Joohyun’s hand so that they’re entwined. Instead, Seulgi just pushes against her, delighting in the softness of Joohyun’s skin against her own.

“See?” Seulgi says. “My hand is bigger because I’m an _artist_.”

Joohyun scoffs. “That has nothing to do with it.”

Still, she doesn’t immediately pull her hand away even as she swats at Seulgi’s shoulder in indignation. It’s not until Seulgi drops her arm, letting her hand drag down Joohyun’s palm as she goes, that they stop contact at all. Interestingly, Seulgi watches as Joohyun’s hand lingers in the air, the ends of her fingers falling forward like they miss the support of Seulgi’s palm.

Nervously, Seulgi turns back to the sketchbook on the table, flipping the page back to Joohyun’s drawing.

“Honestly, I think you could be really good too. You just need to practice more.”

Joohyun hums, leaning forward to admire her work.

“Are you going to help me practice then?”

Seulgi keeps her eyes down, unwilling to see what kind of expression is on Joohyun’s face. Does she even know the kind of effect her words are having? Does she even know what she’s saying right now?

“If that’s what you want.”

Joohyun takes a long moment to answer, long enough that Seulgi finally chances a glance her way. When she does, Joohyun is looking at her seriously.

“It is.”

Seulgi swallows, nods, and tries not to read too much into it.

“Then I’ll be here.”

* * *

Seulgi’s body runs naturally warm. This is what Joohyun learns after sitting next to her on the couch for a few hours, the sides of their bodies leaned against each other as a movie plays on the TV across from them. With their stomachs full from the takeout Joohyun ordered and their feet kicked up onto the coffee table, Joohyun can feel how her shoulder settles a little more comfortably against Seulgi’s own with each passing second.

On the screen, the main character ducks underneath the desk, waiting with baited breath for the monster following her to pass, and Joohyun scoffs.

“Why is she hiding? There’s nowhere to go in this room, she’s just going to get caught.”

“But if she tries to run away now then the monster will definitely find her. It’s better to hide and wait for it to pass.”

“But she’s going to get caught regardless. See!”

As if beckoned, the monster on screen reaches underneath the desk and pulls the main character away, presumably to her death. Normally, Joohyun wouldn’t entertain these kinds of movies and if she did, she’d scream or hide through most of it. But Seulgi was a soothing presence next to her, constantly asking questions or talking through the parts that had the most tension. Joohyun could appreciate what she was doing since it was only at Seulgi’s insistence that they even chose this movie to begin with.

“Of course she’s going to get caught, it’s a movie.” Seulgi laughs. “But now she gets to try and fight it off and run away. It’s more exciting like this.”

“She could have just run away to begin with,” Joohyun grumbles and Seulgi nudges her, her hand falling to Joohyun’s thigh.

“Hey, you’re an actress! You’re supposed to appreciate how good Seo Yeji is here.”

Entirely aware now of every part of Seulgi’s body that’s touching her, Joohyun inhales deeply, watching as Seulgi has yet to remove her hand from where it’s placed.

“You like her?” Joohyun asks distractedly. “Seo Yeji?”

Seulgi’s finger taps against Joohyun’s thigh, once then twice. “Yeah she’s good. I like her dramas.”

“Oh.”

“Do you like her?”

Joohyun swallows. “Who?”

At Seulgi’s laugh, Joohyun finally tears her eyes away from the contrasting sight of Seulgi’s hand against the dark material of her pants.

“Seo Yeji,” Seulgi answers, giving Joohyun’s thigh a reassuring squeeze before pulling it away.

Feeling like she can breathe normally again, Joohyun blinks rapidly. It’s not normally she feels herself fall into that kind of stupor, but it’s also been a long time since Joohyun’s felt the touch of someone else’s hand somewhere that wasn’t strictly friendly. More importantly, it’s been a long time since Joohyun’s felt the touch of someone she’s attracted to.

“Oh, yes. Seo Yeji is good.”

“Yeah, I like her in this movie.”

Joohyun scrutinizes the movie carefully, eyeing how Seo Yeji’s character is currently running for her life through a muddy forest. When she looks over at Seulgi, Seulgi is similarly enraptured by the screen and Joohyun rolls her eyes.

“She’s okay,” Joohyun concedes, maybe a little more begrudgingly than intended.

“Do you want to watch something else? We don’t have to watch this,” Seulgi tells her, already reaching forward for the remote on the table, but Joohyun stops her with a hand to her arm, fingers curling around Seulgi’s sleeve as she encourages Seulgi to lean back, shoulder even more firmly resting against Joohyun’s now.

“No, this is fine. Even if the plot is stupid.”

Seulgi throws her head back in laughter. “So this is the pickiness of an actress. You must hate watching TV.”

Joohyun shrugs. She doesn’t make any effort to move her hand nor does Seulgi seem to mind how Joohyun lets it fall to the crook of her elbow. Without thinking, Joohyun lets her other hand raise, carefully tracing the material of Seulgi’s sleeve with her finger. Seulgi seems to stiffen, but Joohyun ignores it, too distracted by the feel of Seulgi’s forearm through soft cotton.

“I don’t really watch TV that much,” Joohyun answers honestly. “Not to sound conceited, but seeing my face in commercials all the time got pretty old pretty fast.”

“That makes sense. If I had to see my performances when I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t like it either.”

“Do you usually monitor your performances?”

“I try to. I like seeing what areas I can improve in.”

“Speaking as an actress, I don’t think there’s many areas you need improvement in.”

“You watch my performances?” Seulgi asks, the smirk evident in her tone. She shifts closer so that their legs are touching, and Joohyun flushes, swatting at her feebly.

“Don’t be like that. You know that I do,” she mumbles.

“I just like hearing the confirmation,” Seulgi tells her as Joohyun rolls her eyes, pushing at Seulgi’s shoulder again. Her voice lowers into something more bashful as she reminds Joohyun, “I mean, you already know I watch your stuff too.”

“Right,” Joohyun grins smugly. Heat coils low in her belly, and Joohyun does her best to ignore it. “You’re my _fan_.”

“Hey,” Seulgi huffs. She pokes at Joohyun’s leg. “Don’t say it so weirdly. I just think you’re a good actress.”

“Of course.” Joohyun laughs, grabbing Seulgi's hand when she starts poking more harshly.

It’s the second time their hands have touched tonight, and Joohyun finds she likes the fit of Seulgi’s palm against hers. Subconsciously, she traces the skin of Seulgi’s hand with her own, stuck on how smooth it feels beneath the pads of her fingers now that she has time to appreciate it.

“Your hands are so soft,” Joohyun whispers without thinking, blushing when she realizes what she’s just done. She goes to drop Seulgi’s hand, but Seulgi catches her fingers, stopping her, and Joohyun’s breath stutters.

Seulgi nudges her, encouraging Joohyun to look up at her. Her face is much closer than Joohyun anticipated and like this, Joohyun can see how the TV lights reflect off her eyes. This has been building for a while, Joohyun knows. Even before Seulgi called her so boldly and told Joohyun she’d been thinking about her. There was always something hidden underneath all their interactions because even without knowing the rumors about Seulgi, Joohyun thought she was attractive to the point of distraction.

But then Eunkyung had to go and tell Joohyun about Seulgi’s rumor and Seulgi had to go and confirm it and that attraction increased tenfold because now Joohyun might actually stand a chance.

And with the way Seulgi is looking at her now, Joohyun is sure it’s more than just a chance. She wasn’t just reading too much into things. She’s sure because Seulgi seems like she’s searching for something in Joohyun’s eyes, something she must find because in a second Seulgi’s leaning forward. Joohyun doesn’t think about it, just closes her eyes, and wills the breath stuck in her lungs to release itself.

Seulgi’s lips are softer than Joohyun could have imagined, but that’s not surprising. Everything about Seulgi is soft, even the way she reaches forward to angle Joohyun’s head with her hands, fingertips featherlight as they stretch across Joohyun’s jaw. When she kisses, she does so with consideration, and it’s been so long, Joohyun’s almost forgotten what a real kiss could feel like. Without the lights and cameras, the manufactured intimacy shared for hundreds of people to see through a TV screen, Joohyun’s forgotten that a kiss was designed to steal your breath away.

It’s only when Seulgi leans forward more insistently, her tongue licking gently at Joohyun’s bottom lip that Joohyun suddenly becomes aware of her own hands digging through the soft tresses of Seulgi’s hair. It startles her with a gasp, like cold water suddenly being poured over her because Seulgi is Seulgi and Joohyun is Joohyun and maybe this is too much too fast and Joohyun can’t go down this road. Not again.

“Wait,” Joohyun says, pushing at Seulgi’s shoulders, and Seulgi rears back so quickly as if Joohyun’s touch has burned her.

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi rushes out. “I didn’t mean to—I just thought—I’m sorry.”

Joohyun stands to put more distance between them, and Seulgi follows, stepping back so that they’re on opposite ends of the coffee table. When Joohyun looks at her, Seulgi’s face is flushed and her hair stands where Joohyun had tugged. Her chest is heaving and her hands are clenched tightly at her side, and Joohyun feels the urge to soothe warring with the urge to back far, far away.

“No, it’s fine.” She swallows, resisting the urge to lick at her lips to get more of Seulgi’s taste on her tongue. She runs a hand through her hair to distract herself. “You’re fine. That was just—I just—”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Seulgi apologizes again. Joohyun feels her chest burn because Seulgi has nothing to apologize for.

Joohyun’s the one who probably wanted that kiss more than Seulgi did.

“You didn’t, I promise.” At their silence, the TV flashes from what Joohyun thinks should have been a jump scare. Joohyun nods towards it. “Why don’t we go back to the movie? We still have a bit of it left.”

But Seulgi’s already shaking her head, reaching for the art supplies on the table so she can stuff them into her backpack.

“No, I should probably get going. I have a long day tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay.”

Joohyun can only watch as Seulgi moves quickly, gathering her art supplies swiftly and putting them into her bag much less carefully than she’d had originally. Joohyun doesn’t want her to go, but she also knows this is her fault. She’d wanted Seulgi and she’d gotten scared. Now here they are: Seulgi leaving and Joohyun helplessly watching her go.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun tries again. “You don’t have to leave, really.”

Seulgi just shakes her head, already shouldering her bag. “It’s fine. I really do have a long day tomorrow. If anything, I probably should have left earlier.” She ends it on a laugh in the way she usually does, but it falls flat, the sound of it too empty to come across as anything other than stilted.

Standing alone in the middle of Joohyun’s living room, her hands tight against the straps of her backpack, Joohyun thinks Seulgi’s never quite looked so small before. And it’s all because of her.

What was it Eunkyung said before?

_Seulgi’s known for being nice, but I know how you are._

_You have a very one track mind when you see something you like._

_Maybe keep your ambitions at bay just this once._

“I really am sorry, Joohyun,” Seulgi says again, shaking her head when she notices Joohyun try to cut her off. “I know how it is, and I didn’t mean to make you do anything you weren’t ready for. But I hope we can still be friends; I really like spending time with you.”

Joohyun wants to tell her she doesn’t need to apologize, that it’s not anything Seulgi did but Joohyun’s own insecurity and lack of bravery that pushed her away. But it would probably just fall on deaf ears. Seulgi’s already convinced herself she’s to blame, and Joohyun knows what’s written on her own face is probably all the confirmation she needs.

Instead, Joohyun settles on, “Of course we can still be friends, Seulgi. I like spending time with you too.”

“Okay.” Seulgi smiles, the sight of it quelling some of that unease in Joohyun’s heart even though she can see the wet sheen in Seulgi’s eyes. “I’ll text you later, then. Goodnight, Joohyun.”

“Goodnight, Seulgi,” Joohyun whispers as Seulgi leaves.

Seulgi doesn’t rush out, the door doesn’t slam when Seulgi closes it. It’s quiet, subdued, anticlimactic in the wake of Joohyun’s own personal turmoil. It feels like Seulgi is running away from her even though Joohyun is the one who pushed her away.

Joohyun stands there motionless for a long moment, staring at the closed door and willing it to open one more time, the feel of Seulgi’s lips on hers burning more and more with every passing second she doesn’t come back.

And Joohyun has no one to blame but herself.

She should have known better than to risk matters of the heart.

* * *

Seulgi stares down at her phone, willing it to light up with a new message. It's been days. Seulgi's not unfamiliar with rejection, nor is she a stranger to being friends with someone she shouldn't. It shouldn't feel this complicated, and yet Seulgi can barely bring herself to even look at Joohyun's contact info. They’re supposed to meet again tomorrow to do an obligatory live stream for their brand, and Seulgi doesn’t want the first time she talks to Joohyun again to be for something work related—not when they left things the way they did.

And Seulgi doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s become a habit, almost, to talk to Joohyun before performances. Seulgi’s never thought of herself as particularly needy, but daily routines can be difficult to break and she’s unwittingly found Joohyun to be a part of hers.

“You look awful.”

Seulgi moves her gaze away from her phone to see Sooyoung standing behind her through the mirror. The waiting room is filled with the usual staff and backup dancers milling about, but the energy in the room is higher than normal with the presence of her members there. Further back in the room, Seulgi can see Yerim and Seungwan talking with one of their dancers, their loud laughter ringing around the room, and Seulgi can’t deny that she’s missed the raucous energy her members always bring with them.

“Thanks,” Seulgi says dryly.

Sooyoung places her hands on Seulgi’s shoulders, massaging them gently as she eyes Seulgi through the mirror.

“You’re up for your first win tonight. I’d understand if you were nervous about it but something tells me that’s not it.” She looks down at Seulgi pointedly, before resting her chin on top of Seulgi’s head, smiling softly at their reflection. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing. I really am just tired.” Seulgi pats her arm, hoping Sooyoung doesn’t push it.

“From all those late night hangouts you’ve been sneaking off to?” Sooyoung comes around, leaning back against the makeup table so that Seulgi can see the pointed stare Sooyoung gives her. “You weren’t being very subtle.”

Seulgi arches a brow. “I wasn’t trying to be. I always go out with friends at night; you know this.”

“Not during the middle of promotions you don’t.” She leans forward, voice lowering into a whisper. “You can tell me if you’re dating someone, you know. I’m the last person who would judge you for it.”

Almost subconsciously, she rubs at the ring on her finger, and Seulgi’s reminded of a few months ago when Sooyoung had sat her down and told her that she was in a relationship. It was a courtesy more than anything because Seulgi knows as much as Sooyoung respects her and her opinions, few things could stop someone like Park Sooyoung from being in love.

“I’m not dating anybody, Sooyoung. I can guarantee you that.”

Sooyoung leans back, crossing her arms. “But you want to be?”

“No, I—” Seulgi sighs, running a hand through her hair. There are many things she wants, she’s just not entirely sure where Joohyun even fits into any of those desires, if she even fits at all. “I don’t know what I want.”

“You want to be talking to whoever it is you’re waiting to text you first.”

Seulgi flushes, immediately turning her phone over like that would hide Sooyoung from seeing just how much Seulgi wishes it would ring with a new message.

“It’s okay,” Sooyoung tells her gently. “I know how that feels, and it doesn’t really get easier. But a word of advice: just text them first. You’ll feel better if you do.”

“I don’t think it’s as easy as that this time around, but thanks. I appreciate it,” Seulgi says sincerely, hoping Sooyoung will leave it at that.

Despite being close to all of them, it’s no secret that there’s a certain distance Seulgi’s had to force as the leader. Years of training and conversations with industry seniors have taught Seulgi that not all burdens need to be shared with the group, least of all hers.

Of course, Sooyoung’s never quite agreed with that philosophy.

“Oh, come on. Unnie, you’re an adult, just text them. They’ll probably be happy to hear from you.”

“She might be busy. I don’t want to bother her.”

To her credit, Sooyoung doesn't bat an eye at the slip in pronoun.

“If she’s busy then she’ll respond when she’s free.” Sooyoung gives her a look. “Since when were you the type to overthink things? That’s supposed to be my job.”

Sooyoung’s right. Seulgi knows she is as she stares down at the blank screen of her phone. With a reluctant sigh, Seulgi bites the bullet.

"Fine," she relents and Sooyoung slaps her back proudly in response.

But Seulgi doesn’t get very far, her phone lighting up with an incoming call not a second later. The name on the screen jolts her, and before Seulgi can think about it, she’s turning away from Sooyoung and her arched brows, walking towards the corner of the room to create some semblance of privacy.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Joohyun’s voice is soft and hearing it again, Seulgi can feel her heart begin to unwind itself from the tight coil she’d managed to spin it into since the last time they saw each other. “Sorry, is this a bad time? I know you’re performing soon.”

“No, you’re fine. I’ve still got some time left before it’s my turn. What’s up?”

“Ah, well, I don’t want to keep you too long then. I just wanted to wish you luck. You’re up for your first win tonight, right?”

“You know about that?” Seulgi asks, voice barely above a whisper. She leans her shoulder against the wall, tucking herself away in the corner like if she hides here Joohyun won’t be able to push her far away again.

“Of course. I told you I was a fan.”

The shy admittance has Seulgi sucking in a deep breath because Joohyun thought this day was important enough to warrant a call. Because even after everything, Joohyun still cares.

“Well, thanks,” Seulgi tells her shakily. Trying not to blush, Seulgi admits hesitantly, “I appreciate it. Hearing from you before a stage helps. A lot.”

“I’m glad I could be of service, then.”

Seulgi can hear the smile in Joohyun’s words, and, unbidden, it brings one forth from Seulgi as well. It almost feels normal again, like the time before Seulgi knew what Joohyun’s lips felt like against hers.

“Will you be watching?” Seulgi asks, maybe a little too hopefully.

“I’ve got the TV turned on already.”

“I’ll work hard to impress you, then.” Seulgi grins, echoing their first phone call.

“You already do, Kang Seulgi,” Joohyun responds again, and Seulgi still feels the familiar rush that comes with this knowledge. “I’ll let you go now so you can prepare. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Okay. Thanks for calling.”

“Thanks for answering.”

“Goodbye, Joohyun.”

“Bye, Seulgi.”

When the call finishes, Seulgi has to bite back the smile on her face as she stares down at her phone in a daze. She feels lighter now, no longer weighed down by thoughts of missing Joohyun’s voice.

“You look pathetic.”

Seulgi flounders, nearly falling over as she whirls around to level Sooyoung with a look of betrayal. Sooyoung just shoves her goodnaturedly.

“I’m only kidding. But see! I told you you were just overthinking things.”

“Yeah, okay. Maybe you were right.”

“I normally am.” Sooyoung slings her arm around Seulgi’s shoulders, ushering her to the center of the room and leaving no room for argument. “Now you can focus on more important matters. Like the fact that we’re all together, and you’re up for your first win!"

“Whoo! First win!”

Seungwan and Yerim come crashing into her, arms tight around Seulgi’s neck. They mess up her hair enough that her stylist clucks her tongue at them, but no one seems to mind. It’s her solo promotions, after all. Her members are all with her, she’s up for her first win, and Joohyun will be watching.

For a moment, that’s all that matters.

And when Seulgi gets her first win and delivers her acceptance speech, she doesn’t even think twice about including Joohyun’s name.

* * *

“We’ve only got a few more minutes left before we have to go, so quick! Ask us anything!”

Joohyun fights off the growing smile at Seulgi’s enthusiasm. Seulgi is a natural at this, much more at ease than Joohyun is when it comes to fan engagement. Joohyun’s known for being one of the more reticent actresses out right now, but Seulgi has a quiet confidence to her that makes Joohyun feel calm even in situations where she otherwise wouldn’t be.

Smirking at the way Seulgi’s squinting at the tablet screen in front of them, Joohyun pushes her aside so she can read.

“What’s it like working with Bae Joohyun? Is she prettier in person?”

Joohyun’s cheeks warm at the question, not having expected the last part of it, but Seulgi takes it in stride, never losing her smile.

“It’s really fun! Our tastes match, so we get along well, and of course, she looks even better in person!”

Joohyun rolls her eyes, knocking into Seulgi’s shoulder gently. She just hopes the tiny camera they’re using to livestream can’t catch the redness of her cheeks.

“She’s just saying that because she has to,” Joohyun says, but Seulgi shakes her head.

“No, really! You’d all be shocked too. Seriously.”

The comments on the screen come in more quickly than Joohyun can keep up with. She’s never really done a livestream like this before, and it felt overwhelming at first, knowing that thousands of people were tuning in just to watch her and Seulgi sit next to each other and talk about work.

“Someone asked how it feels to be wrapping up your solo debut promotions,” Joohyun reads because Seulgi’s still struggling to see from so far away.

Humming for a moment, Seulgi answers, “It feels good. Everyone worked really hard, so I’m pleased with the outcome. Of course, it’s unfortunate to only be able to perform for such a short amount of time, but hopefully, I’ll be able to put on a lot more performances for you all in the future.”

“Are you going to come back soon?” Joohyun prompts, knowing it’s something the fans would want to know the answer to.

“I’ll come back with Red Velvet soon, so please wait a bit more,” Seulgi promises, shooting the camera a charming smile. It earns her an influx of comments, all from fans excited at the prospect of seeing Seulgi with her group again.

“I’m a Red Velvet fan too so I’m also excited.”

The admission serves its purpose, more comments flooding in now about the both of them. From behind the set, Joohyun can see Eunkyung nod at her in approval. Joohyun may not be as natural at this as Seulgi, but she knows a thing or two about playing things up in front of the camera to get noticed.

“Have you two gotten closer since working together?” Seulgi reads next.

Joohyun glances briefly towards Seulgi, unsure of how much Seulgi is comfortable with sharing.

“Yes, I think we’ve gotten close.” It’s a safe answer, one that doesn’t give too much away but still says enough to satisfy any curiosity.

Of course, Seulgi has to take it a step further.

“Joohyun’s someone I really enjoy talking to. Even though our personalities are kind of different, we ended up having more in common than I initially thought, so she’s someone I’ve enjoyed getting to know.”

Joohyun bites at her lip. There’s nothing to Seulgi’s statement that would suggest anything else, but Joohyun can’t help but find the double meaning. She knows no one else would think too much about Seulgi’s answer, but she also knows she and Seulgi have a lot more in common than just similar tastes in food. Seulgi said it herself; her secret isn’t exactly a secret. It has Joohyun suddenly freezing, worried now of who else might try to connect the dots that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

“Joohyun,” Seulgi calls, forcing Joohyun out of her mini spiral. “They want to know what your favorite Red Velvet song is.”

She’s grinning cheekily at Joohyun now. The sight of it is enough to calm the storm that was beginning to brew in Joohyun’s mind.

“My favorite Red Velvet song? Uh, I’m not sure. They’re all good.”

Seulgi smirks, tapping Joohyun’s thigh off camera briefly. “You must not be a fan if you can’t pick a favorite.”

Joohyun’s eyes narrow. “I like your solo song.”

“Ah,” Seulgi nods approvingly. “So you’re just my fan then.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Sure.”

“Hey.” Joohyun nudges at Seulgi teasingly. “Don’t go getting a big head now.”

They exchange grins, and, for a moment, Joohyun forgets that they’re even doing a livestream. Seulgi has the kind of infectious smile that Joohyun can’t stop herself from admiring. It’s not hard at all to look at her and feel at least twenty different emotions come up, the strongest of all being unbridled affection. It’s not hard at all either to see the fullness of Seulgi’s lips and remember how they had felt when they pressed so eagerly against her own. The sudden memory has Joohyun swallowing, and it takes Eunkyung signaling them with her hand to end the stream that Joohyun remembers herself. Blinking away her stupor, Joohyun turns back towards the camera.

“So we have to go now,” Joohyun starts, “but this was a lot of fun.”

Smoothly taking over, Seulgi leans forward as she enthusiastically reads from the script being held behind the camera. On the tablet in front of them, Joohyun can see more comments coming in quickly. They’re hard to read at the rapid pace they appear on screen, but Joohyun catches some and it has her shifting restlessly.

_They look good together!_

_They seem like a couple~_

_They’re so cute!_

_They—_

“Joohyun?” Seulgi prompts, and Joohyun stirs back into focus, finishing off the last of their ending remarks so that they can say their goodbyes.

When they finally turn the camera off and the stream ends, Joohyun’s smile drops immediately. Even Seulgi lets her shoulders fall tiredly.

“Good work today everyone!” The brand director yells as all the staff move quickly to shut down the set.

“Are you okay?” Seulgi asks as they move out of the way.

Joohyun shoots her a look. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.” Seulgi shrugs. “Towards the end there you just seemed a little shaken?”

“Don’t worry about it. I was just distracted reading some comments.”

Seulgi’s brows furrow, and Joohyun knows that her attempts at shrugging off the question have gone in vain. Pulling Joohyun aside by the crook of her elbow, Seulgi leans in close and Joohyun freezes again.

“Hey, whatever the comments were saying, just ignore it. Fans are always saying things without thinking.”

“I know that,” Joohyun snaps, more affected by Seulgi’s proximity than she wants to be. She pulls her arm from Seulgi’s grasp, and Seulgi’s eyes flash with hurt. It’s a little too reminiscent of their last meeting, and immediately, the fight in Joohyun leaves her as quickly as it came. “I’m sorry. I was just a little taken aback is all.”

“No, I should apologize. I acted without thinking. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.”

“Seulgi, you don’t have to apologize for that. You’re allowed to touch me.” Seulgi’s eyes go wide, and Joohyun realizes the insinuation behind her words. “Not like that! I meant, I don’t mind if you, if you—”

Seulgi waves her hands. “No, I understood. You don’t have to explain!”

Blushing in embarrassment, Joohyun nods. On the other side of the set, Eunkyung is in a conversation with Seulgi’s manager. They don’t look like they’re going to be done any time soon which means Joohyun doesn’t have an immediate escape. It’s strange to feel awkward with Seulgi again when Seulgi is someone Joohyun’s found she’s taken a lot of comfort in. That thought should scare her more than it does, but all Joohyun can really focus on is the fact that there’s the wrong kind of tension building between the two of them.

“Kyungri was really thankful for the album you sent her by the way,” Joohyun tells her just to break the silence.

“Oh? That’s good. I’m glad it made it to her okay.”

Joohyun nods and they lapse into silence again. It annoys Joohyun more than it should, so before she can overthink it, she turns towards Seulgi decidedly.

“Are you busy tonight?”

Seulgi flounders for a second before recovering. “Um, I have dance practice tonight.”

Joohyun tilts her head. “Aren’t your promotions almost over?”

“It never hurts to get more practice in,” Seulgi answers matter-of-factly.

“Oh.”

Joohyun has enough self-awareness to know that she’s disappointed, and Seulgi seems to catch on because in a second she’s clearing her throat to gain Joohyun’s attention.

“But I should be done by midnight. If you’re okay with staying out late, we could hang out. If you wanted.”

“I don’t have any schedules tomorrow morning, and I usually sleep late anyway,” Joohyun answers, and the corners of Seulgi’s lips begin curling upwards.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Seulgi’s got a full-blown grin now, and Joohyun mirrors it. It feels a little bit like they’re sharing a secret and in many ways they are. Joohyun just can’t find it in her to care too much about it, not when Seulgi is looking at her like Joohyun’s just given her a gift she’s been waiting years for.

“Okay, then. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay. Tonight.”

* * *

They're in the backseat of Seulgi's car, parked in a random parking lot near Hangang with bags of convenience store food between them. Seulgi's not technically supposed to be eating food like this, but Seulgi's also not supposed to be out after 1am with an actress she has more than friendly feelings for who’s already rejected her. She can't exactly find it within her to care too much about either at this point.

"I always wanted to be a singer," Seulgi tells her, finishing off the last of her turtle chips. "My dad likes to sing too, so when I was a kid he'd swing me around the kitchen while we sang together. I think I knew ever since then that I wanted to do it forever."

"That's a nice memory."

"Isn't it?" Seulgi grins, setting aside her trash. "What about you? Did you always want to be an actress?"

"No," Joohyun admits. "I never even thought about acting until I was in high school."

"Really? What changed?"

Seulgi watches in fascination as Joohyun's cheeks darken, barely visible in the dim lighting of her car's interior lights.

"I met a girl."

Seulgi's brows shoot up in interest, shifting one leg underneath so she can turn more fully towards Joohyun.

"A girl?"

Joohyun looks resolutely forward. "She was new, and I thought she was so pretty. It's embarrassing looking back on it now, but I used to follow her around everywhere. When she joined the drama club, I didn't even think twice about signing up too. Somehow, I ended up being the lead in one of the plays, and I realized I really enjoyed it. After that, I started going to auditions. I'm a little competitive so every time I got rejected it just made me want it more. Now here I am."

"Wow," Seulgi whistles. "One of the nation's most popular actresses, and she started out all because she had a crush on a girl."

"Shut up." Joohyun laughs, shoving at Seulgi's shoulder. Her legs are kicked up onto the center console. Free of makeup and in a loose hoodie, Seulgi still can hardly believe Joohyun's really here.

"What happened to her—that girl?"

"She got married last year to a guy she met in university. They're expecting their first child in April."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Joohyun waves it off. "Don't be. It was a long time ago, and I realized pretty early on that we were too good as friends to be anything else. There aren't any hard feelings there."

"Have you dated anyone since?" Seulgi winces at Joohyun's sudden shift in demeanor. Her fingers frozen where they'd once been fiddling with her sleeves. "You don’t have to answer that."

Joohyun sighs, the tension leaving just as quickly as Seulgi saw it build.

"No, it’s fine. I did date someone, but it didn’t end well."

"You don't have to tell me."

"It’s okay," Joohyun decides. "I want to.”

Seulgi gulps, not entirely sure she wants to hear this. She wants to understand what Joohyun’s so afraid of, but she’s also fears that once she knows, she won’t be able to keep stealing moments like this away with her anymore.

“It was with my co-star on my first drama,” Joohyun admits. Her hands are furled tightly against her thighs, and Seulgi aches to relax them. “I was young and stupid back then; I didn't know any better. When she started pursuing me, I was just starstruck at the idea of it all. I thought…"

Joohyun shakes her head like the memory itself was too big to keep holding. Seulgi wants to reach for her, wants to chase some of that pain Joohyun is seemingly holding onto and take it for herself, but Joohyun gathers herself, continuing on steadily.

"We were both too reckless and eventually one of her staff caught us. He threatened to expose us, if we didn’t stop, so we did.” Joohyun blinks rapidly, turning away so Seulgi can’t see the tears she knows are building there. “In the end, it didn’t really matter. A rumor went around the set about us anyway. It was….hard. People weren’t very kind, and since she’d been in the industry longer, when she said I was the one who came onto her, everyone believed it. Eunkyung had to do a lot of damage control, and eventually, my company had to step in.

“They told me I was lucky I had a pretty face otherwise I wouldn’t have been worth the trouble. I guess they were right,” Joohyun scoffs. “They put me in a movie they were producing right after that, and fortunately, it did well so they kept me around. But ever since then, I’ve made sure to keep my image clean.” When she turns back to Seulgi, Seulgi can see the resolution swimming in her eyes, and her heart stops. “I can’t afford another mess up like that, Seulgi, no matter how much I like you.”

Seulgi gets it; she does. She can’t imagine going through what Joohyun did, especially so early on in her career. She knows it’s harder for Joohyun, too. She’s an actress, and she’s popular. Seulgi may have an army of adoring fans, but Joohyun needs the love of the public if she wants to continue her career. And the public doesn’t exactly love someone they think is different.

Stupidly, though, all Seulgi can think is, “You like me?”

Joohyun snorts, shaking her head fondly as she stares at Seulgi in amused wonder. “Couldn’t you tell?”

“I was too afraid to assume.”

“I kissed you back.”

“I was too afraid to assume,” Seulgi repeats, and they both chuckle darkly, finding a brief respite from the heaviness of Joohyun’s admission.

It’s only when Joohyun looks at Seulgi seriously, shifting so that she can lay the side of her head against the backseat as she stares up at Seulgi with eyes already begging for forgiveness, that Seulgi already knows. Joohyun’s going to break her heart.

“But don’t you get it, Seulgi? It doesn’t matter if I like you. I can’t survive another scandal like that."

"I'm not like her." Seulgi tries. "I'm not using you, or whatever it is she wanted. I just, I just like you."

It’s honest. Seulgi’s never been one to mince her words, and she refuses to let Joohyun put her in the same box as her ex. Seulgi wouldn’t turn her back on Joohyun. She wouldn’t let fear turn her into something evil and vindictive just to salvage her career. She wouldn’t hurt Joohyun to save herself.

Seulgi just doesn’t know if Joohyun could say the same.

“I know you aren’t like her,” Joohyun says after staring at Seulgi for a long moment, eyes dark but sincere.

Her hand lifts to Seulgi’s face, careful as her thumb traces along the apple of Seulgi’s cheek. Seulgi shudders under Joohyun’s touch, feeling the tension in her jaw leave under Joohyun’s ministrations. She guides Seulgi’s head down until Joohyun can press her forehead to Seulgi’s temple. It’s the closest they’ve been since their kiss, and the memory of it tears through Seulgi so fast, she can’t quiet her sudden inhale. She wants to feel Joohyun again. She wants to relive the press of Joohyun’s lips against her own, and remember how Joohyun sounds when she gasps at the feel of Seulgi’s tongue. The ache of wanting is so fierce within her, Seulgi nudges Joohyun with her forehead, seeking intimacy.

Joohyun is pliant against her, their noses brushing like Joohyun can’t resist the pull between them either. With shuddering breaths, Seulgi moves forward.

“We can’t,” Joohyun stops her, one hand to Seulgi’s collarbone to keep her still even as the other still frames Seulgi’s cheek. Her eyes are closed now, and Seulgi desperately wants to look into them.

“Why can’t we?” Seulgi asks, voicing pitching dangerously close to a whine. She reaches up, grasping Joohyun’s wrist with her hand. Joohyun’s pulse flutters beneath her thumb, and Seulgi rubs it soothingly. “I’m not like her, and you’re not the same person either, so why can’t we?”

“We work together. It’s too risky,” Joohyun whispers, but Seulgi can hear how shaky her resolve feels.

Seulgi wants to scoff. Haven’t they risked enough already? Is sitting here alone in Seulgi’s car, a breath away from each other, not risky?

But Seulgi won’t push. She can respect a line being drawn when she sees one.

“Okay,” Seulgi decides. “If that’s what you want.”

She drops her hold on Joohyun’s wrist, allowing Joohyun the space to move. She won’t be the first one to back away. It has to be Joohyun.

But Joohyun doesn’t. Her hand falls to Seulgi’s neck, lingering in the space between Seulgi’s ear and shoulder. Her palm is warm where she presses against Seulgi’s skin, and Seulgi falls into her willingly.

“Seulgi, I…”

Joohyun tilts forward, eyes opening. They’re glistening, uncertainty dancing across darkened pupils, and Seulgi understands. Joohyun wants this too, but she doesn’t know how. She needs Seulgi to be brave again.

Making the choice for her, Seulgi leans into Joohyun carefully, angling Joohyun’s face towards her with measured hands—

The blare of Seulgi’s alarm rips through the inside of Seulgi’s car. Silently cursing, Seulgi pulls apart from Joohyun to dig through her jacket pocket for her phone.

“Sorry,” Seulgi mutters. “That’s just my alarm.”

Joohyun blinks at Seulgi dazedly, cheeks flushed.

“Why is your alarm going off so late?”

Seulgi grimaces. “I’m supposed to get up now.”

“What? It’s 2:30 in the morning.”

“I know.” Seulgi sighs, falling back against the seat, the moment effectively ruined. “I have a pre-recording at 6am, so I have to be in the salon by 3.”

“Seulgi!” Joohyun chides, shocked. Frantically, she starts cleaning the trash around them. “Why didn’t you say something? You haven’t even slept!”

“Hey,” Seulgi calls, amused, stopping Joohyun’s frenzied movements with a hand to her thigh. “It’s fine. I rarely sleep during promotions. I’ll take a nap later when it’s done, don’t worry.”

“That’s not healthy.” Joohyun frowns. “Do you do this every time we hang out?”

Seulgi shrugs in answer, but before Joohyun can voice her complaint, Seulgi silences her with a meaningful look.

“I told you before, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. Besides, I’ve done worse. I’m sure you have too.”

Which is true. Seulgi’s no stranger to sleepless nights during promotion cycles, even if she’s endured more of them this time around than usual. But it’s like Seungwan said. She’s just taking time for herself.

Joohyun can’t deny it either, so silently they gather the rest of the trash in Seulgi’s backseat before moving towards the front. It’s quiet the entire drive back to Joohyun’s apartment building, but Seulgi’s thoughts have never been louder, stuck on a never ending loop of Joohyun so close to her, their lips just a hair's width apart.

“I’ll text you?” Seulgi says, stopped in the apartment’s parking garage.

Joohyun nods, and Seulgi thinks that’ll be it, doomed to watch Joohyun walk away from her once more, but Joohyun lingers. Helpless, Seulgi can do nothing but watch as Joohyun’s eyes flit across her face before landing squarely on Seulgi’s mouth. Her thumb lifts, pressing against Seulgi’s bottom lip until Seulgi’s mouth parts. Her heart is pounding furiously, and as she shuts her eyes, Seulgi can still see the imprint of Joohyun leaning towards her with darkened eyes against the back of her eyelids.

The kiss to the corner of Seulgi’s mouth is nowhere near what Seulgi wanted but still just as satisfying, lingering long after Seulgi leaves and staying even as Seulgi goes through her schedules of the day. The quiet whisper of Joohyun’s farewell replays to the point of exhaustion, though Seulgi never tires of it.

“I think you’re worth the risk. Goodnight, Seulgi.”


	2. part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see this took a little longer than just 'a few days' to get out. Also, decided to add a third part because I like to make things harder for myself. It's all about Pacing. Thank you for reading!

Joohyun blinks against the harsh lighting of the studio. The mandatory interviews she’s had to do for press today are beginning to take its toll, made worse by the presence of the darling idol next to her and the constant stream of implications she’s had to endure that there might be something more between the two of them then they’re sharing.

This is why she hates interviews, and not having Seulgi next to her to bear the brunt of it is even worse.

“You two seem close,” the interviewer insinuates, and Joohyun wants to scoff. She’s sitting as far from Minho as possible and hasn’t looked at him once, but sure, they’re very ‘close.’ “Viewers really like your chemistry together. Do you have any plans to work together in the future now that filming is over?”

“What do you think?” Minho asks, turning to Joohyun with a charmingly fake grin. “Would you like to work with me again?”

Joohyun almost rolls her eyes but behind the camera, Eunkyung shoots her a look.

 _Play nice_ , she mouths.

Joohyun knows better so she plasters on her best cheery smile and shrugs.

“If there’s an opportunity.”

There will always be an opportunity, Joohyun knows this. Maybe not with Minho specifically, but with any other objectively handsome face. It doesn’t matter. It’s what the public likes her best in. Joohyun can’t even remember the last time she wasn’t just some love interest to a Park Bogum or a Choi Minho. God forbid she do a scene with another woman that didn’t carry the undertones of catty rivalry.

“It must be nice to work with a close friend,” the interviewer continues, smiling happily at the both of them. “Hopefully, fans won’t have to wait too long to see you both on screen again.”

Personally, Joohyun would love it if they never have to see the two of them on screen together again. Instead of admitting that, though, she just nods, smiling tightly in Minho’s direction and hoping it comes out less forced than it feels.

“So,” Minho starts, once the interview is over and Joohyun’s exhaustion has kept her in her seat long enough to prevent an escape from whatever Minho’s about to ask her. “Now that filming is done, I was wondering if—”

“Joohyun,” Eunkyung interrupts, paying no mind to Minho as she hands Joohyun her phone. “You have to make a call, remember?”

Joohyun notes the time and nods, taking the phone gratefully and standing to leave. She doesn’t spare a glance in Minho’s direction, but from her peripheral she can see how he visibly deflates and bites back a smirk.

“Ah, well, I’ll see you in a few days then?” Minho says, effectively stopping Joohyun from where she was about to walk away.

“A few days?”

He gives her a confused look. “The Golden Disc Awards? We’re hosting, remember?”

Joohyun sighs. Right. In the whirlwind that was Seulgi and Joohyun’s complicated feelings for her, Joohyun had completely forgotten that she had schedules that didn’t involve finishing her drama or doing something for her new brand deal.

“Of course. It just slipped my mind for a second,” she says as Eunkyung frowns in her direction. She gives Minho a small quirk of her lips, the most of her smile she’s willing to afford him without any cameras to capture them. “I’ll see you then.”

It appeases Minho nonetheless, who leaves them with a friendly wave goodbye. He really is a nice guy, but Joohyun’s been around too many nice guys at this point to feel little more than apathy towards him.

“He really doesn’t get the hint, huh?” Eunkyung snorts, sidling up to Joohyun’s side, but Joohyun ignores the comment, glancing at her with narrowed eyes.

“Why didn’t you remind me about the Golden Disc Awards?”

“I didn’t think I had to. It’s already in your schedule, and you’ve hosted these awards the last two years in a row anyway. You could practically do it in your sleep by now.” Eunkyung arches a brow at her, the corners of her mouth tugged down. “Not that you seem to be getting much sleep these days. Is that why you forgot? Look, if Seulgi’s becoming too distracting—”

“Don’t.”

They’re not going to do this, not here where anyone can hear them. That’s how rumors start, built on the backbones of people who are spineless enough to enjoy sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Joohyun hasn’t come this far to go through that unnecessary drama again.

Joohyun steps towards Eunkyung, voice lowering. “This has nothing to do with that. You’re supposed to be my manager. A reminder every once in a while of things pertaining to my job would be nice.”

“Fair enough,” Eunkyung concedes. “But as your manager, I stand by what I said. You know I’m behind you 100% on this, but if you’re getting too distracted, I reserve the right to express my concerns about it.”

“I’m not distracted. I just…” _can’t stop thinking about her_ , Joohyun wants to say but smartly holds her tongue.

All day Joohyun’s been lost in thoughts of Seulgi and the way she’d pleaded a breath away from Joohyun’s lips, begging for Joohyun to give them a chance. But she can’t exactly admit that to her manager who’s just accused her of being too absent-minded. Fortunately, Eunkyung spares her the trouble.

“Hey, I get it. You’re not a kid anymore. I trust you to handle this; I won’t bring it up again.”

Joohyun nods gratefully at her, not trusting herself to be able to speak just yet, still stuck on the memory of Seulgi’s thumb pressed daringly to Joohyun’s wrist as Joohyun cradled Seulgi’s face in her palm.

As if summoned, Joohyun’s phone rings, Seulgi’s name flashing across the screen. She gives it a longing look before glancing at Eunkyung with a bite of her lip.

Eunkyung rolls her eyes but waves Joohyun away.

“Go. I need to talk to some people here anyway. I’ll meet you in the car.”

Gratefully, Joohyun accepts the dismissal, bowing hurriedly past lingering staff members on her way to the car before answering on the final ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

Seulgi’s voice feels like a breath of fresh air. Joohyun exhales more easily just at the sound of it. She slides into the front seat of the car, feeling safer now that she doesn’t have to share this moment with anyone else to see it.

“Hey, how are you?”

Seulgi hums. “Tired but good. How are you?”

“Tired but good,” Joohyun echoes, and Seulgi huffs out a laugh on the other end of the line.

It should scare Joohyun more—the effortless way Seulgi manages to settle the frayed edges of Joohyun’s mind with just her presence alone. It should scare her, but all Joohyun can think is that she wishes Seulgi were nearer. She wishes Seulgi were close enough for Joohyun to reach out and touch, so that she could have more to remember than just an almost kiss.

“Are you busy?” Seulgi asks, always the one to worry over whether or not she was being a bother. None of that selfish desire Joohyun so often gives into when she texts Seulgi late at night.

“No, I just finished my last interview of the day.”

“Ah.”

Joohyun frowns. “Are you okay?”

She hears Seulgi sigh and imagines the pinch between her brow. If she were next to Seulgi, Joohyun would feel the incessant need to reach up and smooth it. Even now she feels that familiar pang wound itself around her heart—that aching desire to be close to her that Joohyun so rarely lets herself acknowledge.

“I’m fine just a little….nostalgic, I guess.”

“Nostalgic?”

“It’s the first of my goodbye stages today,” Seulgi reveals. “I guess I’m just a little sad it’s over. All those months of preparations just for a few weeks of promotions. I’m not ungrateful, but sometimes I wish I could do more.”

Joohyun can’t quite identify with the feeling. When she works, she spends weeks at a time filming, and then spends even more weeks after that having to watch it all unfold on screen one episode at a time. Rarely, does she ever wish a project could continue for longer than its intended run. It’s too exhausting to pretend to be someone else for such long stretches of time.

But Seulgi’s involved in her work in a way Joohyun could never be. If Joohyun had that same level of commitment maybe she’d also be disappointed to see it end prematurely.

“You’ve achieved a lot in such a short span of time,” Joohyun tells her. “It’s normal to wish you could do more, but I think you’ve done more than enough in the time you had.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I am,” Joohyun teases just to earn herself another of Seulgi’s short laughs. “You really won’t perform this song again?” she questions curiously.

“Not exactly. I’ll still do award shows and festivals, but it won’t be as regularly.”

“Award shows?” Joohyun perks up. “Like the Golden Disc Awards?”

“Yeah, that’s one of them.”

Joohyun bites back a grin. “I’ll be hosting that.”

“Oh. Oh!” Joohyun laughs as she hears realization settle into Seulgi’s voice. “I didn’t even notice. I guess I’ll see you there then?”

“I guess you will.”

Silence stretches as Joohyun considers it. As a host, she’ll be busy most of the night, while Seulgi will be in the audience watching and waiting for her turn. Even still, Joohyun welcomes the thrill of excitement at the prospect of seeing Seulgi again. The idea of seeing her perform in person, as well, is similarly appealing.

“I wish I could see you sooner,” Seulgi admits.

Joohyun’s fingers clench tightly around her phone, eyes squeezing shut to the soft confession. It comes so easily for Seulgi, to say the kinds of things that make Joohyun’s heart throb so deliriously with longing. Alone in the car, Joohyun imagines Seulgi in the seat next to her. How she’d stare at Joohyun so openly, reaching for Joohyun so readily, her fingers careful where they’d dance along Joohyun’s cheek.

_I wish I could see you sooner._

“Me too,” Joohyun tells her as Seulgi gasps sharply in her ear. “Seulgi, I—”

On the other end, Joohyun hears a deep voice calling for Seulgi, and Joohyun knows their time is up. Another stolen moment taken back from them before they could even think of running away with it.

“I’m sorry. I have to go now.”

“I know.”

“Will you watch later?”

Joohyun tilts her head back, forcing the tension in her body to leave. “I will.”

“I’ll try hard to impress you.”

Joohyun chuckles, smiling against her will. “You already do, Kang Seulgi..”

“Then I’ll make sure to keep it that way. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Later,” Joohyun promises. “Thanks for calling.”

“Thanks for answering.”

“Goodbye, Seulgi.”

“Bye, Joohyun.”

Alone in the car, Joohyun stares forlornly at the roof, wondering if somewhere in Seoul Seulgi’s heart feels as heavy in her chest as Joohyun’s does.

* * *

Seulgi’s always liked dressing up. When she was young, she used to sneak into her mom’s closet, trying on all her clothes and digging into all her makeup. Her mom was kind enough to find it cute, taking photos as Seulgi put on a mini fashion show right there in the middle of her parents’ bedroom. It’s partly why Seulgi loved photoshoots and red carpet events, putting on expensive clothes she doesn’t have to pay for as people take photos of her wearing makeup she didn’t have to do herself. It’s vain but Seulgi likes the kind of beautiful these schedules make her feel.

It’s only when Seulgi sees Joohyun, standing atop the stage in her black dress with her shoulders exposed and her hair up—the picture of elegance and poise as she smoothly hosts the show—that Seulgi finds a whole new reason to enjoy events such as this. Swallowing to rid herself of the sudden dryness in her throat, Seulgi can’t look away.

“She’s very pretty.”

Seulgi barely registers the words, only briefly glancing to the side to see Byulyi leaned casually towards her. Their groups are seated next to each other this year, and Seulgi was excited initially to be able to spend the duration of the award show next to one of her closest friends. The glint in Byulyi’s eye, though, has Seulgi rethinking that sentiment.

“Who?” Seulgi tries, but Byulyi sees through her easily.

“You know who,” she answers, careful to keep her lips close together in case some overzealous fan tries their hand at lip reading. “And you might want to stare less obviously, your fans are watching.”

Blinking, Seulgi turns away from Joohyun for the first time. It’s not often Seulgi finds herself lost in such a stupor—especially under the watchful gaze of outsiders—but Joohyun had looked so beautiful, Seulgi couldn’t help herself. The burden of wanting warring with the burden of being an idol has never felt like a more difficult battle.

“Thanks.”

Byulyi nods, the barest hint of a smirk etching across her face.

“You’re usually more subtle than that. Are you feeling okay?”

Seulgi narrows her eyes at her, angling her body so that the fans and their cameras can’t see.

“I was just admiring.”

“I don’t blame you. She’s quite the view.” Byulyi crosses her arms, ignoring the subtle nudge to her shin Seulgi gives her as she focuses her attention on Joohyun and her co-host introducing the first performers of the night. “He certainly seems to think so as well.”

Minho is the perfect gentleman, Seulgi knows this. They’ve been in the same company long enough for Seulgi to know that there certainly isn’t a nicer guy than him to work with, but as Seulgi looks at the scripted banter they share on stage, the way Minho’s eyes rest a little too eagerly—a little too long on Joohyun—Seulgi can’t stop the sudden stab of discomfort that hits her.

“They’ve got pretty good chemistry,” Byulyi comments, and Seulgi frowns.

“It’s rehearsed.”

“Chemistry is pretty hard to fake.”

“Joohyun’s a good actress.”

Byulyi quirks a brow. “You know her?”

Seulgi’s cheeks warm. She’s not jealous exactly; she doesn’t have any reason to be. And even if she was, she could easily reason her way out of such an awful feeling, but the uncertainty of her relationship with Joohyun has her more tense than normal.

She knows Joohyun would never be interested in him, but the fact that she doesn’t have to be for people to want them together regardless will never not strike a nerve. It’s bitterness mostly, but maybe it’s a little bit of jealousy too—that no matter what she does, Seulgi could never stand up there the same way Minho can, with the same level of comfortability that he possesses, like it’s his right to be there in the first place. As far as anyone else is concerned, Seulgi will never belong next to Joohyun the way he will.

“We work together for the same brand,” Seulgi answers tersely.

Byulyi nods. “Interesting. And Minho’s in your company. Maybe you should help him out.”

At this, Seungwan leans forward in curiosity from Seulgi’s other side.

“Who are you helping out?”

“Nobody.”

“Minho and Bae Joohyun.”

Seulgi lets out a quiet sigh as Seungwan perks up, brows rising as she pats Seulgi on the arm.

“You work with Bae Joohyun now; you could set them up.”

On stage, Joohyun and Minho disappear to the back as the first performance begins. Seulgi watches them go, Minho’s hand hovering over Joohyun’s back as he guides her away and out of sight. Biting back the feeling of resentment, Seulgi shakes her head.

“Joohyun and I just started working together. Minho’s filmed an entire drama with her. I don’t think he needs my help.”

“That’s true,” Byulyi agrees, as the lights dim and the performance starts in full. Seungwan also nods in agreement, quickly getting distracted by the over dramatic entrance of the boy group on stage. Under the cover of darkness, Byulyi leans towards Seulgi, whispering in her ear, “You don’t seem like you want to share anyway.”

Thankful her makeup can mask the flush on her cheeks, Seulgi shoots her best glare at Byulyi. It’s not very effective as Byulyi just shrugs her shoulders in response, carefully rearranging the blanket over her legs to hide the growing smirk on her face from the prying eyes of fans.

“Just making an observation,” Byulyi tells her with finality, knocking Seulgi’s knee with her own goodnaturedly before turning to the performance decidedly, prompting Seulgi to do the same.

It’s not a song Seulgi is overly familiar with, but still she claps along as she should and makes sure to watch with just enough interest that she doesn’t seem overly invested without being bored. As much as award shows are fun, it’s an exercise in acting in its own right. On stage she has to do her job as a performer, but in the audience she has to continue her job as an idol. Here every move she makes is being documented, and the last thing Seulgi needs is for fans to read too much into something they shouldn’t—for Byulyi to read too much into something she shouldn’t.

That’s why when Joohyun comes out again, Seulgi turns carefully towards Seungwan, engaging her and Byulyi in friendly banter so that no one will notice just how affected she is at the sight of Joohyun, shoulders swaying as she dances along to a random pop song at Minho’s urging. Seulgi’s too far away for Joohyun to be able to see her in the crowd, but she likes to imagine the sultry smirk Joohyun gives the camera is for Seulgi’s benefit regardless.

Backstage, Seulgi can breathe a little easier. Away from the eagle eyes of determined fans, Seulgi can let her shoulders drop and exhaustion seep in. Without the welcome distraction of Joohyun in a pretty dress, Seulgi has time to remember she’s only running on a few hours of sleep and a single cup of coffee. Mixed with the usual nerves from performing on a big stage, Seulgi can feel the fatigue eating slowly away at her tired muscles.

Seungwan pats her on the back, offering Seulgi a bottle of water that she denies before turning Seulgi around to make sure her in-ear monitor is secured properly.

“Tired?” Seungwan asks.

Seulgi shakes her head. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will. That wasn’t the question.”

Seulgi knocks into her playfully, lifting her shoulders back and standing straighter. She’s the leader, she needs to set the example. “I’m just a little nervous, it’s nothing to worry about.”

Seungwan frowns at her. They’ve known each other long enough for Seungwan to know Seulgi isn’t being entirely truthful, but Seungwan drops it nonetheless, undoubtedly aware that now’s not the time.

“You’ll do great,” Seungwan reassures her before a stylist pulls her aside to touch up her makeup.

Alone with her thoughts again, Seulgi lets out the sigh she’d been holding back. It’s hard to parse out all the many feelings she’s experiencing at the moment, but Seulgi can pick out one easily enough—the overwhelming desire to hear Joohyun’s voice before she performs has never been stronger. It’s strange to feel so needy for the comfort given to her by someone she’s only known for such a short time, but she can’t deny the feelings Joohyun seems to bring from within her. Pretending like they don’t exist won’t do either of them any good, but acknowledging them isn’t any easier of a pill to swallow either.

“Seulgi?”

Joohyun looks even more radiant close up, the diamonds on her necklace glinting underneath the dim lighting backstage as she approaches Seulgi with measured steps. She arches a brow at Seulgi’s frozen state, the red tint of her lips having never looked more inviting, and Seulgi is suddenly struck dumb by just how much she wants to kiss her.

“You’re up next, right?” she questions, looking down at the cue cards in her hands briefly. Seulgi can only nod, not trusting her voice just yet. Joohyun smiles, a crooked quirk of her lips that has Seulgi reeling. “I’m excited. This will be the first time I’ll see you perform live since we’ve met.”

Gathering herself, Seulgi tries to match her smile.

“I hope you still find me just as impressive in person.”

Joohyun tips forward, voice lowered but no less warm. “It’d be impossible not to.”

Seulgi settles then, Joohyun’s reassurance soothing the warring emotions Seulgi had managed to work up on her own. Around them, staff are constantly moving back and forth. Her members are around nearby as well, getting last minute touch ups or warming up their voices. It’s hardly the time but Seulgi still steps closer to Joohyun, briefly brushing against the inside of Joohyun’s wrist with the back of her hand.

“You look beautiful.”

Joohyun’s mouth parts, her eyes darkening. Seulgi wants to press into her, lose herself in the feeling of Joohyun’s breath ghosting across her lips. It’s stupid, but Seulgi forgets there’s even anyone else around them.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun breathes, and for a moment, Seulgi thinks Joohyun might do it. She might forget where they are too, and diminish that last bit of space between them.

But she doesn’t. She blinks rapidly, coming back to herself, and then steps back with a bashful smile until they’re a friendly distance away from each other.

“You look beautiful, too,” she tells Seulgi affectionately. She tugs at the sleeve of Seulgi’s shirt, rubbing the material between her fingers. “I like your outfit.”

Seulgi wants to say more but before she can, a staff member approaches them, signaling Joohyun to return to the stage soon.

“I’ll see you later?” Seulgi asks as Joohyun readies herself.

Joohyun nods. “Good luck out there. You’ll do great.”

Joohyun is whisked away then, back to Minho and his beaming grin, and ushered up onto the stage as the previous performers come back down. Seulgi can only watch her go, barely registering her members come to her side.

Emptying her mind of any thoughts unrelated to song lyrics or dance moves, Seulgi prepares herself. She’s an idol; she can’t afford a distraction, and tonight she needs to be at her best.

With Joohyun watching, Seulgi will have more than just her fans to perform for.

* * *

The Seulgi on stage feels like a separate person entirely. Joohyun’s watched her perform in videos too many times to count by now, but seeing her in person is a different experience. Even from the side of the stage, Joohyun can tell how Seulgi sings and dances with effortless charm. Joohyun can’t quite see the expressions Seulgi makes whenever the camera comes near, but based on the influx of screams alone, Joohyun knows it must be a sight to behold.

“She’s pretty good, huh?” Eunkyung says, approaching Joohyun. Haewon and Kyungri aren’t far behind, dutifully setting down misplaced strands of hairs and wiping nonexistent sweat from the back of Joohyun’s neck.

“Her hair looks _fantastic_ ,” Kyungri admires, briefly glancing over her shoulder to watch the performance before returning to fretting over Joohyun. “I wonder if her stylist is around, I’d love to ask her what product she used.”

“I can ask Seulgi to ask,” Joohyun offers unthinkingly, momentarily flustered at the sight of Seulgi throwing her head back as her body moves accordingly with the beat.

“Oh, no! I couldn’t ask you to do that. The album was already too much.”

“I still can’t believe you got her a signed album,” Haewon mutters from somewhere next to Joohyun’s ear, readjusting her necklace.

“Do you want one too?” Eunkyung asks with an arch of her brow. Flustered, Joohyun can feel Haewon tug a little too harshly at the necklace, denying quickly. Eunkyung nods, pleased. “That’s what I thought.”

“I can get you one,” Joohyun offers Haewon quietly as the stage goes dark and the song transitions, but Haewon just shakes her head, smiling at Joohyun softly.

“No need for that. I’m not quite the fan that Kyungri is,” Haewon teases, earning a snort from Kyungri on Joohyun’s other side. “Now Choi Minho on the other hand…”

“Oh, come on,” Eunkyung groans. “You’re not seriously a fan of that guy are you?”

Haewon shrugs, reapplying Joohyun’s lipstick with practiced ease and momentarily blocking Joohyun’s view of the stage.

“Why not? He’s handsome.”

“Yeah, that’s the only thing. Too bad he’s got a personality about as interesting as a bag of rocks.”

Joohyun bites at the inside of her cheek, holding back a laugh. In front of her, Haewon rolls her eyes as Kyungri clucks her tongue, apparently having found some issue with the pins holding Joohyun’s hair back.

“Please, like you’d say no if a guy who looked like him came onto you,” Haewon argues.

Eunkyung snorts. “He’d probably be more interesting, so no I wouldn’t.”

“What about you, Joohyun?” Haewon tries, stepping to the side and freeing Joohyun’s sight in time for her to see Seulgi spin around and lift her leg enticingly. She swallows, just barely tuning back into the conversation to hear Haewon ask, “Would you say no to Choi Minho?”

Joohyun frowns, not liking the sudden attention on her, nor the insinuation behind the question. But she has a role to play, even here with just her staff next to her, so she rips her eyes away from Seulgi and shrugs casually.

“I don’t know. He’s not really my type.”

Haewon frowns, and Joohyun’s heart lurches, suddenly worried she might have said the wrong thing. They wouldn’t possibly suspect anything just because Joohyun isn't interested in one guy, right? Granted, Joohyun’s never showed interest in any man since knowing them, but that could mean anything. Though Joohyun supposes that using the tired excuse of being overly ambitious and career driven could only pass for so long. If anything, Joohyun should be happy they haven’t tried to set her with up someone sooner.

“You don’t think he’s cute?”

Joohyun’s eyes dart to Eunkyung whose arms are crossed, jaw clenched as she watches the exchange. Palms sweating, Joohyun pretends to reconsider.

“I mean, I guess he is. Objectively.”

Her answer seems to satisfy Haewon who beams in response, meeting Kyungri’s eyes from over her.

“Well,” Kyungri starts, “Haewon and I were talking to some of his stylists, and apparently he’s interested in you.”

Joohyun doesn’t have it in her to grimace, not when she looks back at the stage and sees Seulgi rolling her hips rhythmically.

“Is that so,” Joohyun mumbles distractedly.

Kyungri hums. “Maybe you should give him your number?”

 _That_ has Joohyun tearing her eyes away from Seulgi again, mouth parting open in surprise.

“Uh.”

“Or,” Haewon interrupts, sensing Joohyun’s discomfort. “Maybe Eunkyung can pass your number along? What do you think, Eunkyung?”

They all turn to look at the silent woman. Joohyun hopes that Eunkyung knows her well enough to see the subtle panic in her expression, and thankfully she does, because Eunkyung just scowls at them in annoyance.

“If Choi Minho wants Joohyun’s number then he can ask her himself,” Eunkyung says with enough finality that it has Haewon and Kyungri both ducking their heads like two school children who have just been chided. Secretly, Joohyun shoots her a grateful look. “Now, that’s enough. Shoo, shoo. Joohyun needs to prepare.”

She really doesn’t. Eunkyung wasn’t lying when she said Joohyun could host these awards in her sleep, but nonetheless, Haewon and Kyungri scramble off, fretting about Joohyun’s appearance one final time as they do.

“I swear those two,” Eunkyung mutters, but Joohyun doesn’t hear her.

Seulgi’s performance is ending now, and while Joohyun regrettably missed some of it, she still catches the way Seulgi raises both her arms, showing off the lines of her body as she sways back and forth to the beat before finally finishing the song with a graceful kneel. The camera comes closer to her, and looking up towards the big screen, Joohyun can see the alluring way Seulgi’s looking into it, captivating even as she heaves deeply to catch her breath. It has Joohyun squirming, suddenly feeling hot again for reasons that have nothing to do with being uncomfortable.

This must be why people spend hundreds just to go to a concert, Joohyun realizes. Seeing Seulgi in her element like that with her own eyes feels otherworldly.

Finished with her performance, Seulgi exits the stage, sweaty and breathless. She has to pass where Joohyun’s currently standing to get to the waiting rooms in the back, and for a brief moment, Seulgi meets her eyes. Joohyun’s breath gets caught in her throat.

There’s a strand of Seulgi’s hair clinging to the dampness on her forehead. Joohyun wants to reach out and push it back, maybe linger along the curve of Seulgi’s brow as she does. Seulgi’s mouth is parted as she gasps to reclaim the air in her lungs, and Joohyun craves to press at the softness of her lips, feel the warmth of her breath as she inhales and exhales. It has heat shooting down her body, seeing Seulgi like this. Joohyun shifts uncomfortably, hoping to relieve some of this newfound ache before she does something foolish like pull Seulgi aside and into a dark corner.

Before she can further entertain that idea, Seulgi simply bows low in greeting and then she’s off, following the rest of her members with barely a glance more in Joohyun’s direction.

Joohyun exhales deeply once she’s gone.

“Well,” Eunkyung mumbles, meeting Joohyun’s glare with an amused smirk. “Good thing I sent the terrible two away, even they would have noticed that.”

Rolling her eyes, Joohyun flips through her cue cards absentmindedly before she gets called back on stage. She puts extra emphasis in her hosting, hoping that if she does she can get the image of Seulgi, chest heaving and eyes dark, out of her mind. If Minho notices the slight glaze to her eyes, he doesn’t say anything, and for that Joohyun is grateful.

When she gets off stage again, Joohyun ignores her own waiting room and wanders the hallways. She’s not needed for a while, and she could use the time to gather herself away from nosy stylists and a manager who knows far too much. It’s been too long since Joohyun has last wanted someone in this way, the emotional roller coaster that comes with it has her thrown for a loop.

It’s there, in the mostly empty hallways backstage, that Joohyun finds Seulgi again. Joohyun hadn’t realized it, but her feet had been guiding her towards the artists’ waiting rooms without thought. It’s no surprise, then, that Joohyun would run into Seulgi like this. It is surprising, though, to find that Seulgi isn’t alone.

Joohyun recognizes her—Sohee, or something like that, here as a presenter. She’s a newer actress, recently shot up to stardom through a breakout role in a popular drama earlier this year. Joohyun remembers Eunkyung telling her about it and how Joohyun’s agency stupidly rejected the offer for that same drama. It’s probably that little bit of resentment carrying over—and certainly not the sight of Sohee leaned towards Seulgi eagerly, Seulgi doing nothing to stop the other actress’s attention—that has Joohyun moving towards the pair with heavy steps.

“Hi,” Joohyun greets, delighting in Seulgi’s little noise of surprise and Sohee’s jump in shock. “Seulgi, Sohee.” Joohyun inclines her head towards them both in a slight bow.

They both blink at her, and maybe Joohyun enjoys the imperceptible way Sohee inches back at Joohyun’s presence.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak to Seulgi for a moment.” She grabs onto the crook of Seulgi’s elbow without thought, leaving no room for discussion, and explains unnecessarily, “It’s about work.”

Seulgi nods amidst her confusion before bowing apologetically towards Sohee.

“I’m sorry. We can finish this later?”

Joohyun’s palm tenses around Seulgi, though the other woman seems to pay it no mind. Before them, Sohee simply shakes her head with a small grin.

“No, that’s all right. It wasn’t anything important,” Sohee answers. She nods her head towards them both, lowering more deeply in Joohyun’s direction. “It was nice meeting you.”

Joohyun watches her back until Sohee disappears down the hall and into one of the waiting rooms. Her hand stays hooked around Seulgi, anchoring her there. Joohyun doesn’t even realize how tightly her jaw is clenched until she feels Seulgi carefully pulling at Joohyun’s fingers. Finally free from her grip, Seulgi doesn’t let Joohyun go far, taking Joohyun’s hand and guiding her down another hallway until they’re standing in the darkened threshold of an emergency exit, secluded from anyone else.

Seulgi’s still in her stage outfit, the velvet material of her shirt smooth where Joohyun trails a dangerous finger along the length of her arm. She’s no longer sweating, her makeup redone to perfection, and absentmindedly, Joohyun tugs at the ends of Seulgi’s hair, admiring the loose waves it’s been styled in.

“Hi,” Seulgi breathes, pliant and unmoving as Joohyun marvels at her, almost in a daze.

“Hi.”

Carefully, Joohyun brushes the hair back from Seulgi’s face, finally able to fully appreciate the glitter dusted around Seulgi’s eyelids and the bright red lipstick layered over her lips. When Joohyun idles just a little too long at the curve of Seulgi’s cheek, Seulgi steps away, forcing some needed distance.

Blinking out of the trance she’d been in, Joohyun crosses her arms below her chest—the only way to ensure she’d keep her hands to herself this time.

“So,” Joohyun starts, unsure now that the past few minutes have finally caught up with her. She didn’t expect to find herself so near Seulgi again, and now that she’s here, she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

“So,” Seulgi echoes.

“You know Han Sohee?”

It’s not really what Joohyun wants to talk about, but now that she’s remembered it, she can’t quite move past the sight of Sohee and Seulgi alone in the hallway together, closer than one might presume of two strangers.

Seulgi frowns confusedly.

“No, not really. We just met. She was complimenting my performance.”

Joohyun hums, looking down towards her feet. Seulgi paints quite the image in her knee high boots and shorts, a stark contrast to Joohyun’s own pristine dress and heels. It reminds Joohyun once more of the differences between them and the distinct expectations forced on their shoulders. Seulgi can get away with daring makeup and outfits toeing the line of suggestive; Joohyun is never seen in anything short of pompous and luxurious.

And yet Joohyun finds it’s hard to keep caring about such trivial things when Seulgi steps towards her once more, the scent of her perfume intoxicating to the point of persuasion.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Seulgi asks kindly, dipping down to meet Joohyun’s eye.

Joohyun shakes her head, grabbing softly for the tips of Seulgi’s fingers.

“No, I just. I don’t know. I wanted to see you.”

The admission has Joohyun’s cheeks warming, but the grin that splits Seulgi’s face is worth it. It’s such a childish smile that shouldn’t match the sweeping lines of her eyeliner, but somehow it just makes Seulgi look cuter.

“I wanted to see you too,” Seulgi tells her easily as if such words don’t engrave themselves into Joohyun’s mind one syllable at a time. “Did you watch my performance?” Seulgi asks, letting Joohyun play freely with her fingers now.

Joohyun nods. “I did.”

“What did you think?”

“You were hard to look away from.”

In the sliver of space separating them, Joohyun can hear how deeply Seulgi inhales.

“Good,” Seulgi manages, the word coming out strained. She waits until Joohyun meets her eyes to continue, voice more steady even though Joohyun can spot the red flush to her cheeks—shy even in her false bravado, “I like it when you look at me.”

Joohyun can’t help it. Desire has been building for far too long now—ever since Seulgi had looked at her so softly in the dark of her car all those days ago—and to have Seulgi this close to her now, Joohyun’s just impressed she was able to wait this long at all.

No longer able to resist, Joohun tugs Seulgi closer.

Seulgi’s lips slant against hers softly, the taste of her overwhelming Joohyun all at once, but it’s a welcome feeling, different now that Joohyun’s had time to think about it, to want it more. Seulgi’s careful as she moves against Joohyun, letting Joohyun guide her where she wants her, hands barely straying from their place along Joohyun’s hips even as Joohyun’s surge up to tangle around the back of her neck.

It’s quiet and restrained—a faint brush of their lips—all of Joohyun’s willpower going into keeping her from tugging and biting, stopping her from fisting the front of Seulgi’s shirt so that she can pull her closer and closer.

It’s Joohyun’s phone that interrupts them this time. Eunkyung’s calling her, most likely searching for Joohyun so that she can prepare for the next segment. It requires an outfit change, and she really should have been back in her own waiting room by now.

With a reluctant sigh, Joohyun moves away, staying close enough for their breaths to mingle as she answers.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?”

Joohyun winces at Eunkyung’s tone, tipping forward to rest her forehead against Seulgi’s shoulder tiredly.

“I went for a walk. I’ll be back soon.”

“You better,” Eunkyung scolds, reminding Joohyun lowly, “Now’s not the time for this.”

The reprimand serves its purpose, Joohyun tensing sharply with a feeling close to embarrassment. What was she thinking, seeking Seulgi out for some secret backstage hookup where anyone could have found them? It’s the kind of recklessness that ruined Joohyun last time, and the realization that she still can’t resist such impulsiveness has Joohyun simmering with something akin to shame.

Instinctively, she moves to step back, but Seulgi stops her with a squeeze to her side. She shakes her head once, a pleading look to her eye, and Joohyun doesn’t have the heart to keep resisting, recklessness be damned.

“I know that,” Joohyun mumbles, fighting the urge to snap with Seulgi right in front of her. Quietly, Seulgi thumbs at her hips, soothing some of that anger Joohyun can feel already building at being chided so openly. Like a taut string let loose, Joohyun relaxes back into her immediately. “I’ll be right there.”

She hangs up before Eunkyung can say anything more, probably more petty than what Eunkyung deserves, but whatever. She can apologize later.

Around her, Seulgi’s hold tightens. It’s the first time they’ve ever really hugged, and Joohyun allows the brief indulgence, appreciating how gentle Seulgi is with Joohyun’s body as Joohyun inhales deeply once more close to Seulgi’s neck.

“I’m really starting to hate phones,” Seulgi jokes. Joohyun huffs out a laugh, pulling back to assess the damage. Their mindfulness has kept Seulgi’s lipstick mostly intact, though Joohyun still has to rub at a smudge below her lip. Joohyun fairs even better, Seulgi’s attentiveness leaving her with barely a hair out of place.

“I have to go,” Joohyun announces, reluctantly removing herself from Seulgi’s reach. “There’s still a few more awards to get through.”

“I know. I’ll be in the audience.”

Joohyun smirks, trying to mirror some of Seulgi’s confidence. “Now you get to watch me.”

Seulgi just grins easily. “I can’t wait.”

It’s a tender moment, but Joohyun bites her lip, knowing that she has to be the one to destroy it once again. She hears the faint sounds of someone walking down the hallway next to them, reiterating the potential dangers of the situation they’d just been in, and it further strengthens her resolve.

“We….we shouldn’t have done this here,” she says softly.

Seulgi nods, her smile somber but there. Joohyun thinks Seulgi could have easily been an actress with how much she’s always fighting to put on different masks of emotions.

“I know.”

“This can’t happen again.”

“I know.”

“Seulgi, I—”

“It’s okay. I understand,” Seulgi interrupts whatever apology Joohyun was going to give.

I’m sorry I can’t control myself around you? I’m sorry I keep dragging you back in just to push you away again? Joohyun doesn’t know anymore, but she does know that she said Seulgi was worth the risk and she meant it. With that thought in mind, Joohyun pulls Seulgi close again to whisper bravely in her ear.

“The next time I kiss you, I don’t want it to be somewhere that anyone can find us.”

Seulgi is unmoving as Joohyun presses a single kiss to her heated cheek. Joohyun’s lips linger, trailing dangerously close back to Seulgi’s mouth as Seulgi gasps sharply in response. She’s the first to step away, enjoying the blush she can see blooming brightly across Seulgi’s cheeks. That’s how Joohyun leaves her, with Seulgi’s lips parted in shock and her eyes burning hotly into Joohyun’s back as she walks away.

Eunkyung meets her with a raise of her brow, but says nothing as Haewon and Kyungri help Joohyun into her next dress of the night. She only knocks into Joohyun’s temple lightly, reminding her quietly to at least inform her first before disappearing. Joohyun just shrugs, still too distracted by the memory of Seulgi looking at her so openly in the shadows of that hallway.

As Joohyun returns to the stage, she finds Seulgi seated in the audience with the other artists. As promised, she has eyes only for Joohyun, and Joohyun has to bite back a grin, Seulgi's stare brighter than any of the blinding lights focused on her.

* * *

_SHINee’s Minho and Bae Joohyun charm fans with their chemistry during the Golden Disc Awards._

Seulgi reads the article headline over and over. She’s not normally one to go looking for things like this, but she was looking up reactions to her performance and she stumbled onto it by accident. It’s as funny as it is sad, that something as simple as an attractive man and woman standing next to each other could spark so much interest.

It seems Minho and Joohyun are a bigger hit than Seulgi thought, fans from their drama together eager to see them reunited again out of the show. Seulgi chews at her lip, reading another comment stating how they think they’d be a good match, followed immediately by one saying they think they look good together.

How long ago was it, that Seulgi was looking at an article where it was her and Joohyun’s faces next to each other instead?

It’s either pettiness that has Seulgi hitting the negative reaction button to the article, or the shot of flavored soju that Byulyi pushes into her hand. Regardless, Seulgi closes the article decisively and downs the shot with more eagerness than usual.

Next to her, Hyojung laughs.

“You didn’t even wait for us!”

Seulgi shrugs sheepishly and holds her shot glass out to be refilled. This time, she waits for the others to raise their glasses as well, tossing her shot back at the same time the rest do. With her promotions officially done, Hyojung had called her out to celebrate with Byulyi and Naeun. They haven’t been drinking long, but Seulgi can appreciate how easily the three of them manage to distract Seulgi long enough to forget about the article and the weird taste it left in her mouth.

But not even they can stop Seulgi from reaching for her phone again, staring at the article on Naver once more with her lips pursed.

“Hey, no phones!”

Hyojung is pouting at her, Naeun nodding in agreement across from her. Byulyi only raises a pointed brow as she raises her glass to her lips, and Seulgi rolls her eyes.

“Tonight is for celebrating friendship and getting drunk,” Hyojung reminds her, shoving another shot of soju towards Seulgi. “You can’t be on your phone when you’re celebrating friendship and getting drunk!”

“I thought tonight was for celebrating me?” Seulgi teases, but takes the shot without resistance after putting her phone away.

“Details,” Hyojung scoffs.

“Actually, you’re right,” Byulyi starts, leaning forward interestedly. “Tonight is all about you, and in the spirit of that, why don’t you tell us what’s got you all glum?”

Seulgi flushes, trying to force a neutral expression instinctively. She falls back into her seat, shrinking slightly at the curious expressions on her friends’ faces.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Naeun narrows her eyes at her. “You’re an awful liar, unnie.”

“I’m not lying,” Seulgi insists, though the heat she feels creeping up her ears certainly says otherwise. All three of them shoot her a pointed stare, and Seulgi pouts, pulling her hoodie up further around her as a shield. “It’s nothing, seriously! I was just reading something.”

“Were you looking up negative comments again?” Hyojung asks with a frown. “You know nothing good ever comes out of that.”

“Yeah, unnie,” Naeun agrees. “You always tell me to ignore that stuff.”

“You’re right,” Seulgi says just to end the conversation and shift it towards anything other than her. “I promise. My phone is officially off for the rest of the night.”

Byulyi pours everyone another shot and they all cheer, moving onto more lighthearted topics. It’s easy enough to get pulled into talks of music and comebacks and whatever gossip is currently circulating their field. Naeun’s worried about rumors of their company debuting a new boy group, Byulyi’s considering her options as her contract nears its end, Hyojung’s recently started seeing a rookie actor. It’s nice to catch up with the lives of her friends and forget about her own troubles, if only for a little while.

“It’s just weird, like he’s nice and all, but actors are kind of stuck up honestly,” Hyojung says between sips of _somaek_.

Byulyi snorts. “End it with him then!”

“But he’s nice to _me_.”

Seulgi shakes her head, amused. She’d offer up her own thoughts on the matter, but the most relevant experience she has involves Joohyun and she doesn’t want to say anything about that. They’ve never really discussed it, but Seulgi’s always assumed that whatever this thing is between them, Joohyun didn’t want anyone else to know about it.

“What about you, unnie?” Naeun suddenly asks, turning towards Seulgi. “What’s been going on with you?”

Seulgi shrugs, finishing the last of her own drink, and pushes the button on the table to call the waiter to order another.

“Nothing really. We’re going to release a new album soon, but that’s about it.”

“Not seeing anyone new?” Byulyi questions.

Seulgi shifts uneasily in her seat, suddenly feeling hot.

“N-No.”

“She’s lying again!” Naeun points out triumphantly, and Seulgi blushes.

The waiter comes then, dropping off more bottles of soju, and Seulgi takes the brief respite to try and gather herself. Even as someone who makes a living from being looked at all the time, she still gets nervous when under the scrutiny of people she’s close to.

“I’m serious,” Seulgi tries again. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Are you talking to someone then?” Byulyi asks.

Automatically, Seulgi thinks of phone conversations before performances and texts that carry through the whole day. Even now, she can remember the last text she sent to Joohyun—an update saying that she’d be out with friends the rest of the night so she might not respond quickly. Joohyun had said it was fine and told her to have fun. Seulgi smiles just at the memory of it, and whether it’s because of that or the alcohol already in her system, Seulgi can’t stop herself.

“Yeah,” she admits unthinkingly. Her eyes widen and she clarifies hurriedly, “But we’re just friends!”

The outburst is a little too loud and a little too clumsy to be believed so easily. Seulgi feels her cheeks redden even more at everyone’s look of skepticism.

“Okay, well, I hope whatever _friend_ it is that you’re talking to is nice,” Hyojung says eventually, pouring more shots of soju for the table. This one kicks as it goes down, and Seulgi bites back a grimace, barely suppressing a cough.

“She is,” she mumbles unintentionally before clamping her mouth shut. It’s not quick enough and immediately three sets of eyes are turned towards her eagerly.

“Oh, is she?” Byulyi asks. “Does your nice friend have a name?”

“No,” Seulgi mutters, trying to drown herself in her hoodie to escape this conversation.

It doesn’t work because she can hear Naeun ask, “Are you sure you and your nice friend aren’t dating, unnie?”

Seulgi shakes her head, a little too harshly that it makes her head spin. She groans, both from the feeling and the sudden inquisition she’s found herself in.

“N-No, I already told you I’m not seeing anyone!”

Hyojung frowns at her. “Why not? Have you not made a move?”

“I—what?”

“Here,” Byulyi interrupts, handing her another shot. They all cheer when they take it, and Seulgi can feel the sting as it slides down her throat and all the way to her stomach. Harshly dropping her glass back down to the table, Byulyi continues without preamble, “Maybe Seulgi hasn’t made a move because her nice friend isn’t interested?”

“Wait a minute that’s not—”

“Oh!” Naeun perks up. “So she is interested?”

“I—”

“Ah, okay. I get it.” Hyojung snaps her fingers. “Her nice friend is interested, but because Seulgi is bad at flirting she doesn’t think that _Seulgi_ is interested, so that’s why her nice friend hasn’t made a move yet, which is making _Seulgi_ unsure so that’s why Seulgi hasn’t made a move yet either.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Sounds likely.”

Everyone nods in agreement, and Seulgi frowns, unsure if she’s just too drunk to follow this conversation or if the conversation is somehow just happening without her.

“What is going on?” Seulgi groans. Hyojung pats her on the back sympathetically.

“You need to show your nice friend that you’re interested.”

Seulgi tilts her head, remembering all her texts and phone calls to Joohyun and the severe lack of sleep she put herself through during promotions just so she could spend a little bit of time with the other girl.

“But I….have?”

“Not enough.” Byulyi shakes her head. “Maybe you should buy her something.”

“Buy her something,” Seulgi repeats quietly.

“Yeah.” Naeun nods. “And text her a lot.”

“A lot?”

“Like all the time.”

“Okay,” Seulgi agrees, wondering seriously if she should be writing this down.

“Don’t worry,” Hyojung tells her, sliding another shot her way. “We’ll get you a girlfriend in no time.”

Hazy from all the soju in her system, Seulgi can’t stop herself from saying, “But what if she doesn’t want me enough for that?”

It silences everyone, and even in her drunken stupor, Seulgi’s aware enough to know that she might have just killed the mood. But it’s too late to take her words back, so Seulgi just smiles wanly, taking the incentive this time to pour everyone another round. They all raise their glasses again, eyes a little more somber at Seulgi’s soft inquiry.

“Then she doesn’t deserve you,” Byulyi finally answers before knocking back her shot, and everyone follows suit.

The soju burns as it goes down, but Seulgi doesn’t know if her stomach is in knots because of the alcohol or the gravity of Byulyi’s words.

It’s just too difficult for Seulgi to imagine any world where Joohyun isn’t deserving of her, and Seulgi wouldn’t still want her anyway.

* * *

_**Kang Seulgi** : [img attached]_

_**Kang Seulgi** : Look! I found you!_

The messages come just as Joohyun’s getting out of the shower. The picture is a little blurry, taken of Seulgi on the street next to a poster of a perfume ad Joohyun had shot a while back. She’s leaned next to it, eyes glowing from the flash of the camera, and she’s wearing a smirk as she points mischievously towards Joohyun’s face. Even through the photo Joohyun can tell Seulgi must not be sober, and she wonders briefly if Seulgi is okay enough to be outside like this.

Joohyun doesn’t normally allow herself the pleasure of getting drunk where anyone can see her, but Seulgi’s always operated under her own set of rules.

 _Having fun?_ She texts back, but doesn’t get an immediate response.

She towels at her hair before falling onto her bed tiredly. The towel settles over her eyes, but Joohyun leaves it, both lazy and unwilling to move it off. Her day wasn’t busy—her night even less so—but there’s a certain kind of exhaustion that’s seeped its way into her bones.

Loneliness, perhaps. That’s what Eunkyung would call it anyway.

Groaning, Joohyun rolls over to bury her face into her pillow. When did she become so pathetic that the most exciting part of her day comes from texts from an idol that always seems too busy for her?

The whole purpose of meeting Seulgi was to befriend her, but then Joohyun had to go and develop feelings for her anyway. Now, Joohyun thinks about her all the time and worries when she doesn’t hear from Seulgi enough during the day. Is it because Joohyun hasn’t had someone take up so much of her life like this in a while that she’s not used to it anymore? Or is it just because Joohyun’s always been a certain level of needy and she’s greedy for Seulgi’s attention?

Standing up decidedly, Joohyun exits her room. She won’t be that person that just sits and waits to hear from the girl she likes. She may not have many friends in Seoul, but she can still do things by herself. Taking a page from Seulgi’s book, Joohyun grabs a hat and a thick jacket before exiting her apartment. A walk outside might do her some good, and Seulgi’s always preaching about how nice it is to get out for some fresh air. Even if she’s alone, she can still enjoy her own company. She doesn’t need Seulgi for everything.

On her bed, forgotten in Joohyun’s haste to leave, her phone lights up with a new message.

* * *

_**Kang Seulgi** : It’s fun but I wish you were here_

_**Kang Seulgi** : I miss you_

_**Kang Seulgi** : Sorry, you’re probably sleeping. Goodnight, have sweet dreams :)_

* * *

“Like this?”

Seulgi steps back admiring her work. She hands the clumsily chopped onions over to Joohyun who accepts them with little more than a pained grimace, scraping them into the pan on the stove.

“I thought you said you took cooking classes?”

Seulgi shrugs sheepishly. “I did. Once.”

Joohyun rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t seem upset as she passes Seulgi some carrots.

“Think you can handle carrots?”

“Of course!” Seulgi agrees, even if she purses her lips at the sight of them. To her credit, Joohyun makes no comment on the size of the pieces as she adds them in as well, only briefly laughing when Seulgi admits tentatively that she doesn’t actually like them.

It’d felt different entering Joohyun’s apartment this time around. Joohyun had given Seulgi the code for the door, and putting it in herself seemed strangely intimate. Along with the memories from their secret tryst backstage a little more than a week ago, and the text conversations no longer laced with any form of subtlety since then, being alone with Joohyun now, in a safe space, carries a different kind of weight.

Now she finds herself here, perched across Joohyun’s kitchen table, lazily smiling at the girl in front of the stove.

Seulgi doesn’t so much help with the rest of the dish as she just hovers around, watching with interest as Joohyun mixes everything with a spatula in each hand. She teasingly nudges Joohyun’s side when some of the contents spill over the side of the pan and breezily accepts the chiding cluck of Joohyun’s tongue when Seulgi purposefully stands in her way so that Joohyun has to reach around her to get the olive oil.

Joohyun’s mentioned in passing that she’s decently comfortable in the kitchen, but she normally doesn’t have the time nor energy to really indulge in it. Even now with her drama filming done, Seulgi knows Joohyun’s still busy with various minor schedules. Breaks for people with careers like them usually just entail getting six hours of sleep instead of the regular three, with only a few haphazard schedules spread throughout the day instead of across the normal twelve hours. Seulgi, too, has still found herself immersed in dance practices and studio recordings despite officially ending promotions.

And yet, when Joohyun had asked if Seulgi had time to come over, Seulgi hadn’t hesitated in saying yes.

“Can you hand me a—” Joohyun stops, smiling thankfully when she finds Seulgi already behind her with a plate.

As they set the table, Seulgi’s hit by how normal it all is, helping Joohyun with dinner, carrying finished food to the table, sitting across from her as they eat, sharing anecdotes from their day between sips of their drinks. Even standing next to Joohyun at the sink, clumsily washing all their dishes, isn’t as annoying of a chore as it normally is—not when Seulgi risks flicking Joohyun with splashes of water, delighting in Joohyun’s affronted laugh as droplets cling to her eyelashes and roll down her cheeks.

It’s all painfully ordinary like it’s a routine they’ve built up steadily over years. A quiet comfortability that could only come from being aware of the other person and wanting them even nearer.

When they settle on the couch, sides pressed close together while Joohyun flips through Netflix in search of something to watch, Seulgi digs through the bag she brought.

“I have something for you,” Seulgi tells her, aiming for nonchalance but missing the mark and hitting straight on nervousness.

“Oh?” Joohyun perks up, abandoning the TV remote to stare curiously at Seulgi’s hands frozen inside of her bag.

“It’s nothing much. I just thought you might like to have your own supplies to practice with.”

It’s not a full sized sketchbook, but it’s large enough to fit snugly inside of a purse. The pencils are a brand Seulgi personally likes as well, good for a beginner. Seulgi watches anxiously as Joohyun holds both in her hands, thumbing the ends of the sketchbook with what Seulgi hopes is reverence.

Truthfully, the gift wasn’t her idea. She’d remembered Byulyi’s drunken advice from before and figured buying Joohyun a gift to further express her interest could hardly be seen as a bad thing. In a moment of desperation, Seulgi had texted Byulyi again to ask for gift ideas. Asking her members felt too weird and unbecoming, but Byulyi, an outsider with far more dating experience than Seulgi had, seemed like a safe bet.

 _Get her something meaningful_ , Byulyi had said since Seulgi refused to divulge any details on who it might be for.

So Seulgi had settled for this, running the idea past Byulyi one more time before purchasing—Byulyi only giving Seulgi a little bit of grief about it before okaying.

Byulyi’s suggestion seems to work as Joohyun looks at Seulgi again, eyes shining with an emotion Seulgi can’t quite identify but knows is positive.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Joohyun says, and Seulgi shrugs.

“I wanted to.”

Which is the truth. Even if it was at Byulyi’s urging, Seulgi had wanted to do something nice for Joohyun, something to show that she cares more about Joohyun than just hidden meetups in darkened hallways or private getaways late at night in the back of Seulgi’s car.

There is more to it, too. Seulgi wants Joohyun to know that in some, small way, Seulgi thinks of her and their time together and remembers all of it. That even in the couple of months they’ve known each other, Joohyun has cemented her place as a figure in Seulgi’s life, romantically or otherwise.

“Thank you, Seulgi,” Joohyun says, drawing Seulgi into a grateful hug.

It’s a pleasant feeling to have Joohyun in her arms. Seulgi’s never been an especially touchy individual, but she’s grown used to physical displays of affection after spending so many years in a group with members who’d rather show their love than talk about it. With that experience to fall back on, it doesn’t take much effort at all to wound her arms around Joohyun and hold her closely.

When Joohyun pulls away, her eyes are bright. She doesn’t move far, keeping their faces close together. Joohyun lifts a hand to Seulgi’s cheek, tracing carefully along Seulgi’s skin, and Seulgi swallows in anticipation.

But just as Joohyun’s leaning forward with hooded eyes, Seulgi remembers herself, and she stops Joohyun with a hand to her collarbone.

“Wait.”

Joohyun pauses, blinks, then retreats so quickly Seulgi’s left only with the lingering heat of Joohyun’s body.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what came over me.”

Seulgi’s eyes widen as she hastens to explain, “No, you don’t have to apologize! I just wanted to talk first.”

“What about?”

Joohyun’s looking at her warily, and Seulgi knows that Joohyun is aware of where this conversation is going. Seulgi’s nails dig painfully into her skin; the illusion of a peaceful night finally cracked.

“You said before we couldn’t do this. You said we worked together, and it was too risky.”

“I did.”

“But you also said I was worth it, and then you,” Seulgi pauses, heat rising to her cheeks as she remembers that moment backstage again, “and then you kissed me again.”

Joohyun blinks, inhaling sharply. “I…did.”

“So what are we doing here?”

Maybe Seulgi could be less blunt, but she doesn’t believe in putting up a front if she doesn’t have to. There’s a reason she isn’t an actress. Not like Joohyun.

“I…” Joohyun shakes her head, trailing off. “I don’t know.”

Tentatively, Seulgi reaches for her, sighing in relief when Joohyun lets her, her fingers unfurling like a blossoming flower beneath Seulgi’s.

“Are you still afraid?” Seulgi questions softly.

Joohyun’s eyes are wide when they meet Seulgi’s, that hardened steel usually present in her stare finally missing, replaced instead by a vulnerability Seulgi’s never seen from her before. Not even when Joohyun had looked Seulgi in the eye and revealed her biggest secret so bravely. Nor when she’d peered into Seulgi’s eyes with resignation and told her they couldn’t be more than this.

“I don’t know how to not be,” Joohyun finally answers after a pregnant moment.

“I can show you,” Seulgi tries. She tugs on Joohyun’s hand, pulling her forward until the distance between them is all but gone. “Let me show you.” She puts Joohyun’s hand right against her heart, so that she can feel the way it beats in rapid succession, a side effect from just having Joohyun near.

“Seulgi.”

Joohyun’s hand relaxes, soothed by the rhythmic beating like she knows it’s meant for her.

“Just feel me,” Seulgi promises.

Seulgi is gentle when she kisses Joohyun again, a quiet offering, a silent plea that this feeling that erupts when their lips meet doesn’t have to be all that they have. It can be more than that.

At the first swipe of her tongue against Joohyun’s lips, Joohyun gasps and Seulgi surges forward, unable to help herself anymore. But even though it’s Seulgi who pushes into Joohyun first, it’s Joohyun who tugs at Seulgi’s collar, angling Seulgi’s head until their mouths can slot together just right. Joohyun doesn’t seem afraid, holding Seulgi’s face in the palm of her hands and tilting her down so that she can meet Seulgi’s tongue with a bold swipe of her own.

Seulgi can feel just how much of herself Joohyun has been holding back all this time, wonders how much of this pent up frustration must have been building for Joohyun to throw caution to the wind, tangling her hands in Seulgi’s hair and tugging.

“Joohyun—”

Seulgi is breathless when they pull apart. Joohyun’s eyes are dark, her cheeks flushed. For a moment, Seulgi thinks she might pull away until she pushes insistently at the back of Seulgi’s neck, guiding Seulgi’s forehead back to hers. They breathe deeply in a familiar dance, in and out until Seulgi feels her heart rate settle into some semblance of normalcy.

“And now? Are you still afraid now?” Seulgi asks again.

This time, Joohyun shakes her head, nose brushing against Seulgi’s as she does.

“Then what do you want?”

Joohyun’s quiet for a long moment, and Seulgi gives her the time to think, content to wait with the warmth of Joohyun’s body against her.

Finally, Joohyun drags her hand away from Seulgi’s neck, following the curve of Seulgi’s shoulder until she runs the length of Seulgi’s arm and meets her hand. Gingerly, she leads it to the space above her chest, right where her heart is thumping wildly. As she answers, Seulgi realizes this is Joohyun’s true moment of bravery, finally giving into a desire she’s long since ignored, finally letting herself acknowledge something she’s been forced to hide away for so long.

“I want you.”

Seulgi moves forward again, finding Joohyun’s lips a little too desperately. It's a messy exchange, Seulgi’s overeagerness making their teeth knock together, and Joohyun breathes out an amused laugh, encouraging Seulgi to follow her lead instead. Joohyun kisses her slow and deep, not shy at all about how she wants Seulgi, and Seulgi can do nothing but follow, hoping that Joohyun can feel just how much Seulgi wants her in return.

As Joohyun brings Seulgi to her bedroom and pushes Seulgi down onto the mattress, Seulgi can’t help but stare up at her in wonder. Because Joohyun, haloed by the light of the moon with her pupils blown wide and her hair mussed from Seulgi’s own fingers, is like a dream come to life.

Joohyun covers Seulgi’s body with her own, letting Seulgi feel her in ways Seulgi was too afraid to even let herself imagine, and as she kisses her way down Joohyun’s body, chasing all of Joohyun’s quiet sounds of pleasure, Seulgi feels Joohyun grasp for her hand. Seulgi takes it, kissing Joohyun’s wrist, directly above her pulse.

“Just feel me,” she promises again.

And right there, under the moonlight, Joohyun finally lets Seulgi want her.

* * *

Seulgi’s breath is hot against her neck. Tucked underneath her chin, Joohyun cards her fingers through Seulgi’s hair, scratching lightly at the base of her skull. Her skin is sweaty where it presses against Joohyun’s, but Joohyun doesn’t mind, finding the intimacy in feeling Seulgi like this: whole and raw and bare.

Seulgi kisses at her collarbone—once then twice—sliding her foot along Joohyun’s shin as she splays her hand against the dip in Joohyun’s spine. Joohyun hums, indulgent as she noses at Seulgi’s temple.

“I have to go,” Seulgi whispers, finally interrupting the quiet moment.

It’s a little after midnight. Joohyun can just barely make out the moon from the corner of her bedroom window.

“Do you have to?” Joohyun’s not used to sounding so blatantly needy for another person, but she likes the comforting weight of Seulgi against her and letting her go now feels like it’s too soon.

Seulgi hums, thumbing at the hollow of Joohyun’s throat. “We have to be in the studio early in the morning. My members will worry if I’m not there when they wake up.”

It’s a foreign concern for Joohyun. She hasn’t known what it’s like to live with another person since she was still in her parents’ house. She can’t relate to the feeling of people wondering about her comings and goings, who care if Joohyun returns late at night or not at all. But Seulgi has a group to lead. Seulgi has people who rely on her, and who she relies on in return. For all their commonalities, Seulgi’s not like Joohyun at all.

“I guess I have to let you go then.” Joohyun keeps her voice light, appreciating when Seulgi rises to brush their lips together lightly.

“I wish I could stay.”

Joohyun holds her closer, dipping to suck a bruise into Seulgi’s neck.

“One day,” she promises heatedly before releasing her.

Joohyun watches as Seulgi moves about the room, gathering her clothes and putting them on, somehow more shy now that she's dressing instead of undressing. She giggles as Seulgi trips while sliding into her pants, curling her fingers fondly around the curve of Seulgi’s reddened ear, blowing on it gently because she likes the way it makes Seulgi squirm.

“I’ll see you soon,” Seulgi tells her softly, kissing Joohyun squarely on the mouth before finally leaving the room with light footsteps.

Joohyun watches her go from the bed, too afraid that seeing Seulgi off at the door might have her close to begging. The sight of Seulgi walking away after what they shared already has her chest lurching, she doesn’t need to see the door shut behind her for added finality.

She rolls over, holding the pillow Seulgi had laid on to her closely, seeking out the warmth Seulgi had left behind. Joohyun can’t help but wonder how it’s possible, even with the taste of Seulgi still on her tongue, with the marks of Seulgi’s passion still on her skin, with the scent of Seulgi still lingering on the sheets, for her to already miss someone this much.

* * *

_**Kang Seulgi** : Today while on a walk, I looked outside and saw the stars shining really brightly and it made me think of you_

_**Kang Seulgi** : I hope sometimes you see things and think of me too~_

_**Bae Joohyun** : Cheesy_

_**Bae Joohyun** : And I always think of you_

_**Kang Seulgi** : :)_

* * *

Seulgi watches with interest as Joohyun leans over, briefly pulling her mask down to smell some of the few remaining flowers lined along the pathway. Before she can second guess it, Seulgi raises her camera, carefully setting up the shot, and takes the picture. The sound of the camera shutter startles Joohyun into standing, and she stares at Seulgi in surprise.

“Sorry,” Seulgi says, smiling sheepishly. “You looked pretty there.”

Joohyun turns bashful even as she pushes at Seulgi’s arm lightly. But instantly her expression shifts, becoming pensive as she regards Seulgi with a pinch between her brows.

“You’re not going to post that one are you?”

Oh. Seulgi hadn’t even thought about it truthfully, but she knows how careful Joohyun likes to be about their time together. Even if Seulgi wishes she could post about Joohyun for all the world to see like any other normal couple might, Seulgi knows they’ll never be afforded such niceties.

“I’d have to develop the film first,” Seulgi jokes, but Joohyun only levels her with an even stare. Seulgi nudges her gently, placating. “But no I wasn’t planning on it. This one’s just for me.”

The answer relaxes Joohyun who continues their walk with a grateful nod.

They don’t normally go out during the day. It’s always easier to be noticed without the cover of darkness, but in a rare opportunity where they both had some time off, Seulgi was itching to get out with her camera. The weather was good today with the snow finally tapering off and the sun coming out. While initially reluctant, Joohyun had tentatively agreed after only a little bit of urging when Seulgi suggested going for a walk through nature.

The botanical garden is nice, large enough for them to get lost in if they really wanted, and with the weather still being as cold as it is, they can walk for long stretches of time without seeing anyone at all. It’s perfect for Seulgi, who can spend as much time as she wants, angling for the best shots with her camera without the pressure of other people surrounding her, and comfortable enough for Joohyun, who laughs a little bit more easily and walks a little bit more carefreely with each passing second that they find themselves alone.

Seulgi loves seeing Joohyun like this, so open and unrestrained, such a stark contrast to the usual way Joohyun’s always reigning herself in.

“I thought you wanted to shoot the scenery,” Joohyun accuses halfheartedly when she catches Seulgi taking another picture of her.

“But you’re a better subject than the scenery,” Seulgi answers without missing a beat, pulling the film advance lever and taking another shot immediately.

Joohyun blinks at her before narrowing her eyes. Seulgi just grins, moving aside so she can get another angle with better lighting.

“Okay, enough,” Joohyun laughs after she’s indulged Seulgi with a few different poses. “Here, let me take some of you.”

Seulgi raises a brow, but agrees, handing over her camera with only a little trepidation. Joohyun only fumbles with it for a moment, raising it so she can look through the viewfinder. Seulgi has to muffle a laugh, the sight of Joohyun’s face obscured by the camera as she awkwardly holds it more amusing than it should be.

“Do you even know how to use that?”

Joohyun lowers the camera with a determined frown.

“How hard can it be?”

Seulgi shrugs and gets into position. She lets Joohyun take as many pictures as she wants—this roll of film most likely wasted as Seulgi’s sure Joohyun hasn’t bothered to change the focus even once the entire time—but Seulgi doesn’t mind. Joohyun actually seems like she’s having fun, and that seems like such a rarity for the other woman, Seulgi would never be the one to put a stop to it if she could help it.

“Can you take some with my phone?” Seulgi requests, handing Joohyun the device. “I want to post some to instagram.” She adds in afterthought, “I won’t tag you in anything.”

“Is that something you’d want?” Joohyun asks as Seulgi quietly poses in front of a tall tree covered in snow.

“Hmm?”

“To post pictures with me,” Joohyun answers eventually, giving Seulgi her phone back after the impromptu photoshoot.

Seulgi tilts her head, considering.

“I’m sure fans would love it if we did,” Seulgi responds after a moment, “but it’s not that important to me. Besides, the kinds of photos I’d want to post with you would never be allowed.”

The last part is said with a blush. Seulgi tugs her beanie down, hoping Joohyun doesn’t notice, and fiddles with the shutter speed on her camera just for something to do.

“What kinds of pictures would that be?”

There’s a hint of a smirk in her voice, and Seulgi flushes further.

“N-Nothing. Hey, why don’t we walk over there? We haven’t gone that way yet.”

Joohyun takes her by the arm gently, holding Seulgi in place. She scratches slightly at the inside of Seulgi’s elbow—a faint feeling that Seulgi can only barely feel through her padded jacket.

“Seulgi.”

Seulgi blows out a sigh. She knows how Joohyun can get. It’d be asking for too much to expect Joohyun to just let this go, and Seulgi’s always been the type to give in where she can help it.

She admits shyly, “Just, you know, like couple photos and stuff.”

“Ah.”

Seulgi can feel the redness on her cheeks deepen.

“I’m not saying we have to or anything! Just that if we did and we could, I’d want to post those. Hypothetically.”

Joohyun nods, but her expression is still tense. Even the grip she has on Seulgi’s arm has tightened.

“I’m sorry,” Joohyun says eventually. “That that’s not something we can do.”

Chancing a look around to make sure they’re still alone on the side of the pathway, Seulgi places her hand over Joohyun’s where it rests on her arm. She squeezes, urging Joohyun to look at her, and when she does, Seulgi offers her a bright smile.

“It’s okay. Just being with you is enough for me.”

She means it too. Seulgi doesn’t need couple photos or public social media posts to show how much she likes Joohyun. Even if sharing Joohyun with the rest of the world sounds nice, Seulgi’s okay with this too. It’s hardly a burden to get to keep Joohyun all for herself. If anything, Seulgi just feels bad that not many have the privilege of knowing Joohyun the way Seulgi does.

It’s Joohyun’s turn to blush, a rare tinge of red dusting across her cheeks, but she turns away before Seulgi can admire it fully.

“Cheesy,” she mutters as Seulgi laughs.

Seulgi wants to kiss her, thinks maybe she might, but before she can consider it further, Joohyun suddenly drops Seulgi’s arm, stepping away from her quickly.

The crunch of footsteps along the snow enters Seulgi’s ears, and she looks up in time to see a small family passing them. They don’t take any notice of Seulgi and Joohyun, but Seulgi can still see Joohyun shift uneasily, inching further away until the family rounds the corner out of sight.

“Come on,” Joohyun murmurs. She tugs softly at Seulgi’s sleeve, but doesn’t grab onto it again even though Seulgi wishes she would. “Let’s go that way.”

Joohyun doesn’t wait for Seulgi to follow after her, and Seulgi makes no effort to move either. She just watches as Joohyun moves further along the pathway away from Seulgi, creating some needed distance despite the two of them being alone.

Without thinking, Seulgi raises her camera and captures Joohyun walking away.

* * *

Joohyun flexes her hands on the steering wheel. Her grip is tight, stronger probably than what is warranted, but she tenses the closer and closer she gets to her destination. Finally, she turns the last corner and speeds up, leaning forward anxiously.

“Yes!”

Her character crosses the finish line first, and Joohyun beams widely in victory. Beside her, Seulgi’s mouth is parted in shock.

“You said you’ve never played this before.”

“I haven’t,” Joohyun confirms.

“But you won again…”

“It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it.” Joohyun shrugs, setting the controller down on the couch next to them. “Want to play again?”

“Sure, but I’m going to make some more coffee first. Do you want a soda?”

“Yes, please.”

Seulgi rises with a stretch, smiling softly when Joohyun reaches for her hand and kisses the back of it just because. She makes her way to Joohyun’s kitchen, comfortable as she pokes through Joohyun’s cabinets. Joohyun can hear the sounds of Seulgi setting up the coffee maker Joohyun bought just for her and waits for the now familiar aroma to waft through her apartment.

On the TV, the screen flashes with replays of their last race in the game. Seulgi had brought over the game console earlier, saying that she wanted to see some of that competitive spirit in person that Joohyun’s always talked about. Joohyun had taken that challenge for what it was and hadn't lost a round since the very first one where she was still learning all the controls. She doesn’t think Seulgi was quite prepared for Joohyun to be as serious about it as she was.

“Cola for you,” Seulgi announces when she returns, handing Joohyun a soda can, “and coffee for me.”

She settles neatly into Joohyun’s side, their arms pressed together, and smiles warmly at Joohyun.

“Shall we play another round?”

She looks so soft like this—in a sweater she borrowed from Joohyun with her face free of makeup and her hair thrown messily into a bun. Seulgi isn’t as careful about her image as Joohyun is, so Joohyun knows this is a sight Seulgi’s shared with the world before, but still. Something about Seulgi feeling comfortable in Joohyun’s own home, wearing something Joohyun’s worn before and drinking out of a mug Joohyun’s drank from before. It feels overwhelming in the best of ways.

“Actually, let’s watch something instead,” Joohyun requests, and Seulgi makes no effort to resist as Joohyun takes her mug from her and places it on the table, sliding Seulgi’s hand into hers in its stead.

“What do you want to watch?” Seulgi asks, changing the channel on the TV. “Oh, hey! Your drama is on!”

Joohyun winces when she sees her face come on screen, the scene switching to show Minho, expressionless, opposite her. She grapples for the remote in Seulgi’s hands and forcibly switches the channel.

“Anything but that please.”

Seulgi laughs, nudging Joohyun fondly.

“Not a fan of seeing your and Minho’s chemistry together?”

Joohyun doesn’t bother hiding her scowl. “Not you too.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” Seulgi soothes her with a kiss to her cheek. Joohyun immediately relaxes at the feeling, still unused to such simple displays of affection. “I keep seeing articles about it.”

There’s a slight edge to Seulgi’s voice that Joohyun picks up on. It’s not overtly noticeable, but Joohyun’s learning how to read all of Seulgi’s more subtle expressions as she slowly grows more attuned to her. She doesn’t seem incredibly upset on the matter, though, so Joohyun lets it go, groaning instead.

“Don’t remind me. I’ve already heard them talking about making a sequel.”

“That could be fun.”

“Or boring.” Joohyun sighs, leaning her head on Seulgi’s shoulder. She feels Seulgi nose into her hair and smiles.

“You don’t want to act with him again?”

“More like I’d rather do something else with a little more substance,” Joohyun admits. Then, because she can’t help herself, adds, “And with more women.”

That’s just a far off dream at this point though. Even being this far into her career, Joohyun’s options are still rather limited. There aren’t many exciting roles available for actresses in the industry, and the few that do exist usually get picked up by those with the right connections. So Joohyun will just have to take what she can get, happy that these days her company lets her go to auditions at all instead of just placing her in things like they used to—even if they still get some final say in the end.

“Let’s not talk about work,” Joohyun urges when it seems like Seulgi has more to say. Right now is supposed to be about relaxing, not getting worked up about things outside her control. “Why don’t we put a movie on?”

“Okay,” Seulgi agrees easily, smiling when Joohyun kisses her shoulder appeasingly.

They settle for some American movie that Seulgi seems excited to show her. Joohyun only makes it through a quarter of it before she gets distracted by Seulgi’s enthusiastic grin and the eager way she reveals random tidbits about the lead actors. It’s a little too endearing to see Seulgi so passionate about something more in Joohyun’s field, and she can’t help herself when she reaches forward and tugs Seulgi’s lips towards her.

“What about the movie?” Seulgi mumbles when Joohyun pulls away to kiss down her neck.

Joohyun huffs out a laugh, biting gently at Seulgi’s skin before detaching completely. Seulgi’s eyes are dark, her chest rising and falling from breathlessness. Joohyun arches a brow, thumbing at Seulgi’s bottom lip.

“Do you really want to keep watching the movie?”

Seulgi doesn’t answer, just pulls Joohyun back towards her with impatient hands. Joohyun has to force herself not to get lost in Seulgi’s touch and the tender way she caresses Joohyun’s cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. Seulgi always feels so soft, none of the sharp edges Joohyun has that she uses to keep people away. Seulgi is warm and gentle and nothing like Joohyun at all.

Joohyun doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s always going to worry that one day Seulgi will get tired of being the cushion that catches Joohyun when she falls.

“You have practice soon,” Joohyun reminds Seulgi, peeling herself away with some difficulty to check the time.

Seulgi follows Joohyun’s eyes to the clock on the wall and sighs, throwing her head back on the arm rest. At some point, Joohyun had pushed Seulgi back until she was lying on the couch beneath her. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips swollen, and Joohyun can see the beginnings of a dark mark forming just beneath Seulgi’s collarbone. It’s a beautiful sight, and Joohyun has to fight back the urge to keep Seulgi here like this longer. Seulgi probably wouldn’t put up much of a resistance if she did, and that’s exactly why Joohyun moves off her to let Seulgi stand.

Between the two of them, Joohyun is supposed to be the one less inclined to such impulsiveness.

“Right, I should probably get going.” Seulgi rubs at her eyes cutely before gathering her things. She shrugs on her jacket but keeps Joohyun’s sweater on underneath, and Joohyun feels a wave of affection bloom bright and large at the sight. Seulgi kisses Joohyun’s temple when she’s finished, murmuring quietly, “I’ll talk to you later?”

Joohyun nods, and Seulgi leaves with soft footsteps out the door.

Joohyun doesn’t watch her go, something too heavy looming in her chest at the idea of seeing Seulgi leave her behind again.

* * *

“Whatcha got there?”

Seulgi holds her phone to her chest, leaning away from Yerim’s prying eyes.

“Nothing. I thought you were going out?”

“I am later,” Yerim answers. “Now seriously, what are you hiding?”

Yerim reaches for Seulgi’s phone again, curious now that Seulgi seems so secretive. Yerim, as mature of an adult that she’s grown into, still holds onto many of her childish annoying tendencies wherever Seulgi is concerned. Selugi can admit to having a soft spot for her—a byproduct from having known Yerim since she was young—and that’s probably why Yerim has no issue with trapping Seulgi into a headlock, respectable age hierarchy be damned.

“Why are you so strong?” Seulgi grunts, trying to elbow Yerim away from her with as little damage as possible. Not that Yerim extends the same courtesy as she yanks roughly at Seulgi’s arm.

“Why won’t you just show me?”

“Are you guys okay in here?”

They pause in their struggle, staring wide eyed at Seungwan who enters from the kitchen. Sooyoung follows behind not long after, taking a seat on the floor next to Seungwan, both of their hands holding onto matching bowls. The smell of ramyeon wafts enticingly into Seulgi’s nose, distracting Seulgi enough to afford Yerim the opportunity to steal Seulgi’s phone away.

“Hah!”

“Hey!”

Seulgi’s phone is locked anyway, but that doesn’t mean Yerim can’t see the message previews on her home screen. She watches anxiously as Yerim looks at her phone, only for the younger girl to scoff in annoyance, handing the device back disappointedly.

“It’s just Byulyi unnie. How boring.”

Seulgi sighs in relief, thankful it wasn’t Joohyun and that the last message Byulyi had sent her had been harmless enough not to raise suspicion, even if the subject they were currently discussing was Seulgi’s relationship.

“You shouldn’t look at other people’s phones, Yerim,” Seungwan chides, sounding a little too motherly for Yerim not to shove at her.

“I wouldn’t have to if our wonderful leader here would stop keeping things to herself.”

Seulgi frowns. “I’m not keeping things to myself.” Three pairs of eyes shoot her a disbelieving look, and Seulgi blushes. “Okay, well. I don’t keep _everything_ to myself. I tell you all most things.” She tries to anyway. Certain things require discrepancy. Things like Joohyun and the tentative budding of their new relationship.

“You don’t have to tell us everything,” Seungwan comments between slurps of ramyeon noodles.

Sooyoung nods agreement. “Yeah, we know you like your privacy.”

Seulgi grins triumphantly at Yerim, who only rolls her eyes at her.

“Forgive me for wondering about who’s got you sneaking around late at night. We’re in the middle of comeback preparations, and you still find a way to go out almost every day. Honestly, I haven’t seen you like this since you were going out with that one girl. What was her name again?”

“Eunae?” Sooyoung supplies helpfully. Seulgi shoots her a look of betrayal that Sooyoung completely ignores, smirking into her bowl as she finishes the last of her soup.

“Yes, that one!”

Seulgi’s blush intensifies. That relationship had been short lived, barely even worth mentioning, but Seulgi had been smitten to the point of the others noticing, especially since it similarly occurred during a time of album preparation. While she’s been on dates with people since then, she usually likes to save it for breaks in activity. It takes a special kind of person for Seulgi to throw herself off the deep end like this.

“It’s not like that,” Seulgi tries, but it falls on deaf ears.

“Yeah, it’s worse than that.” Yerim arches a brow, daring Seulgi to deny it, and Seulgi shrinks, feeling even less like she’s the oldest in this conversation.

“Give her a break.” Seungwan comes to Seulgi’s defense, always the voice of reason. “If Seulgi wants to keep her relationship private that’s her business.”

“Thank you, Seungwan.”

“Even though she _is_ being disgustingly obvious about it.”

“Hey!”

“Whatever,” Yerim mutters. “She makes you nicer during practice, so you better be treating her right.”

“I’m always nice during practice.” Seulgi pouts, offended. She’s always considered herself to be a fair leader, guiding through empathy rather than an iron fist. Some might call her a pushover, Seulgi says it’s being kind. She tilts her head, adding in afterthought, “And I’m a great girlfriend.”

“Uh huh.”

“Why do you sound unconvinced?”

“No reason,” Yerim sings, ignoring Seulgi’s glare as she stands. She calls over her shoulder as she leaves the room, “Introduce her sometime, though, yeah? I’d love to meet the girl who’s turned you into such a lovesick fool.”

Seulgi scratches at her head, the idea of Joohyun meeting her members sounding strange and very far away. Joohyun’s barely even comfortable going out alone with her, Seulgi can’t imagine the idea of bringing her members into the mix. Not anytime soon, anyway.

On her lap, Seulgi’s phone chimes with a new message.

_**Joohyun♡** : I miss you._

The words bring a smile to Seulgi’s lips—whole and unbidden—and she itches to type a response, something overly sweet that Joohyun would cringe at and Yerim would surely make fun of her for. Until a cough rouses her.

Opposite her, Seungwan and Sooyoung are giving her twin looks of amusement. Seungwan raises a brow.

“Would you like us to go?”

Seulgi flushes a deep red, shoving her phone into the front of her hoodie. “No, that’s not necessary.”

“Well, I’m gonna go. I have a date to get ready for, and unlike Seulgi unnie, I don’t mind announcing it.” Sooyoung stands, taking her and Seungwan’s empty bowls. She pats Seungwan on the head lovingly, and nods towards Seulgi in grave disappointment. “Good luck with all of _that_.”

Slighted, Seulgi crosses her arms, huffing as Sooyoung leaves and Seungwan moves onto the couch next to her.

“You can text her back if you’d like,” Seungwan offers. “I won’t say anything.”

Seungwan’s good for her word. Of all the members, she gives Seulgi the least trouble. Maybe it’s because they’re the same age, or maybe it’s because Yerim and Sooyoung dish it out on Seungwan just as good, but for all intents and purposes, Seungwan’s always felt like Seulgi’s greatest ally.

“It’s fine. I can talk to her later,” Seulgi decides, even though she can feel the weight of her phone calling out to her like a technologically obsessed teenager.

“So how’s it going? Really.” Seungwan asks, aware that Seulgi will probably answer now that they’re alone.

Seulgi shrugs. “Good. It’s still new.”

“It’s Bae Joohyun, right?” At Seulgi’s wide eyed response, Seungwan pats her soothingly on the back. “You were pretty obvious at the Golden Disc Awards, but don’t worry, Sooyoung and Yerim weren’t paying attention.”

“You can’t say anything,” Seulgi pleads. She knows Joohyun isn’t out the way Seulgi is, and the last thing she wants is for Joohyun to think Seulgi betrayed her confidence just to gossip about their relationship with her member.

“I won’t.”

“Promise me,” Seulgi requests. Seungwan’s brows furrow at the severity of Seulgi’s tone, and Seulgi sighs. “Please. She’s not—” Seulgi cuts herself off, unsure if just revealing that information is already too much.

Seungwan gets it nonetheless, eyes widening in realization, and nods in understanding.

“I won’t say anything, I promise.”

Seulgi smiles at her gratefully, thankful that out of everyone, it’s Seungwan who figured it out. Not that Seulgi distrusts any of her members. She’s confident that if it were anyone else who pieced together this information, they’d react similarly. But regardless, Seungwan is one of her closest friends—member or otherwise—and Seulgi is comfortable with Seungwan knowing.

“So,” Seungwan starts again. “Are you really not going to tell me anything more?”

“What else is there to tell?” Seulgi responds shyly.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you can explain how you managed to make a popular actress fall for you?”

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding! I know you’re a catch.” Seungwan laughs, raising her hands in surrender when Seulgi swats at her. “But seriously. Everything’s fine right? She’s treating you properly?”

“Of course! She’s great!” Seulgi’s quick to reply, but nips at her lip, a little too worryingly for Seungwan to be able to ignore.

“But?”

Seulgi sighs. It’s a double-edged sword to have someone who knows her as well as Seungwan does in the same group as her. While it makes being a leader much more easy, it also makes things like hiding her burdens away near impossible no matter how much she tries.

“It’s nothing. Just…” It’s something she’s already been going back and forth with Byulyi for the last few days. Seulgi already feels guilty enough revealing such details to Byulyi—even without Byulyi knowing Joohyun’s name—but the idea of getting a fresh perspective on it with Seungwan might shed some extra light. “I don’t know. When we’re together it’s good, but sometimes it feels like she’s still holding back with me.”

“You said she’s not out yet,” Seungwan answers diplomatically. “It’s probably hard for her.”

“I know it is, and I appreciate that she’s even willing to try with me, all things considering.”

“Then?”

Seulgi falls back into the couch, shifting her eyes to the ceiling.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just worried that eventually she’ll realize I’m not worth it and walk away.”

“You’ll just have to keep reminding her that you are.” Seungwan rubs Seulgi’s arm soothingly. “But be careful with her, Seulgi. Girls like her—who are used to being scared—are more likely to run away to protect themselves. They won’t care about who they hurt in the process. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“I’ll be careful, Seungwan. I-I really like her. A lot. “

“I know you do,” Seungwan says fondly, patting Seulgi’s head like a child. “But don’t let that be an excuse to let her hurt you, okay?”

“I won’t.”

 _She won’t_ , is what Seulgi wants to say, but smartly chooses not to. Too many parts of her life contain uncertainties, and as much as Seulgi likes her, as much as she wishes it wasn’t like this, she can’t be entirely sure that Joohyun isn’t one of them.

* * *

Joohyun watches in mild amusement as Seulgi pours herself another shot of soju. It’s not often Joohyun lets herself entertain alcohol, especially in public. She’s always relied too heavily on her self control to let something like a quick drink after work mess up everything she’s so carefully worked for so far.

But Seulgi had looked stressed, the bags under her eyes telling Joohyun more than Seulgi’s flippant responses had when Joohyun commented on them, so when Seulgi had tentatively suggested ordering a bottle of soju with their meal, Joohyun didn’t have the heart to say no. Watching the enthusiasm with which Seulgi is downing and pouring the shots, though, Joohyun thinks perhaps she should have.

“Who knew you were such a big drinker,” Joohyun comments, cheek to her palm as she gazes at Seulgi from underneath her hat.

There’s a flush to Seulgi’s cheeks, and her eyes are slightly hazy, unfocused as she squints back at Joohyun.

“I’m not really,” Seulgi answers, biting stubbornly at her lip. Joohyun wants to laugh and tell her that she can tell, but she refrains, admiring how Seulgi’s brows pinch together thoughtfully. “But I’m getting better! Everyone’s said so.”

“I see.” Joohyun smiles. She looks around to make sure there’s no one around them before quietly taking the remaining shot from Seulgi’s grip, purposefully letting their fingers brush together for a beat too long. “Here, let me have a turn.”

It’s a subtle burn down her throat, made easier by the way Seulgi watches her with her breath held and her lips parted. It’s only Joohyun’s second shot of the night. Seulgi had kindly offered to finish the rest of the bottle when Joohyun expressed her dislike for public drinking, but she thinks maybe she should have had more, if the dark look in Seulgi’s eyes says anything.

Their food has long since been finished, but they lingered at the table anyway, enjoying the ambience of the tiny Chinese restaurant and its low lighting. Joohyun preferred places like this, a compromise for her as a homebody since the trendy cafés Seulgi usually likes to frequent are too popular for Joohyun to be comfortable with. Here, it’s empty and dark enough for Joohyun to not mind when Seulgi’s foot finds hers underneath the table, tapping inconspicuously in reminder of Seulgi’s unassuming presence.

“Ready to go?” Joohyun asks, when Seulgi begins to sway forward, brushing her fingertips just so against Joohyun’s where they rest on the table.

Seulgi nods, and sits patiently when Joohyun tells her she’ll handle the bill. Seulgi isn’t drunk enough that she can’t walk, but she is drunk enough that Joohyun grabs her by the arm, holding her before she can even think about stepping into the driver’s seat.

“You’re not driving,” Joohyun states, holding her hand out for the keys in silent demand.

They’d parked somewhere further down the road, where there aren’t any other cars, but Joohyun still looks around cautiously anyway. She finds no one, but unease pricks at her the longer they stand around.

Seulgi frowns, staring forlornly between her car and Joohyun.

“But you don’t like driving?” Joohyun’s pause has Seulgi smiling toothily. “I can sober up. Let’s just sit first.”

Joohyun takes the keys from her anyway—just to be petty—but acquiesces as Seulgi guides her the rest of the way through the empty parking lot and into the backseat.

Alone now, Seulgi turns the radio on before leaning back into the seat. Joohyun smiles as the band they both like filters through the speakers, knowing Seulgi must have put it on purposefully. Gently, she caresses Seulgi’s rosy cheek with the back of her hand.

“I shouldn’t have let you drink so much,” she murmurs, watching as Seulgi’s eyes flutter closed.

Seulgi is warm beneath her, her skin smooth to the touch. With her eyes closed and her mouth slightly parted, Joohyun can freely admire her, and she realizes that up until now, she’d forgotten just how young Seulgi truly is.

“You’re not responsible for me,” Seulgi answers though her tone holds no malice. “I should have stopped myself knowing I drove here. I’m not even that drunk.” She sighs then, opening her eyes and catching Joohyun’s wrist, trapping Joohyun’s hand against her face so that she can lean into it like a cat seeking warmth. “I’m just tired.”

“You should rest more. I know you don’t get enough sleep when we’re together.”

“I’m all right.”

“Seulgi,” Joohyun chides, but Seulgi just shakes her head, biting lightly at Joohyun’s palm.

“We always get really busy right before a comeback. It can get really stressful,” Seulgi confides. She tugs Joohyun towards her, until she can slot herself between Joohyun’s neck and shoulder. As she continues, Joohyun can feel her huffs of breath along her skin, and she shivers involuntarily. “But when I’m with you, I don’t feel stressed. I like spending time with you, even if I miss out on some sleep because of it. I always feel better afterwards.”

Joohyun sighs, nosing at Seulgi’s hair and breathing her in deeply. Seulgi’s always so honest. She can speak her mind with a kind of ease Joohyun could never achieve. Joohyun doesn’t know how she does it, how she can afford to be frank in an industry that so often demands ambiguity.

Wanting to return some of that transparency, Joohyun admits slowly, “I feel better when I see you too.” She can feel the curve of Seulgi’s smile against her neck and it encourages her to continue, “but we don’t have to keep going out like this. We can stay in and rest too. I don’t mind.”

When Seulgi pulls back, Joohyun notices the slight downturn of Seulgi’s lips.

“Do you,” Seulgi pauses, pushing away further. Joohyun can see how her brows are furrowed, eyes shifted to her lap to avoid Joohyun’s gaze. She looks worried, and Joohyun can do nothing but squeeze her hands reassuringly. “Do you not like going out with me?”

“What?” Joohyun frowns, wondering how Seulgi came to that conclusion or if this is just the alcohol’s drunken logic. “Why would you ask that?”

Seulgi shrugs. “I don’t know. I know you’re not really comfortable with all of this.” She gestures around them vaguely. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to come out with me just because I asked. You can tell me if you want to do something else.”

Joohyun exhales deeply. She wondered when this was going to come up, if ever. Seulgi has been so kind about all of Joohyun’s initial reluctance, Joohyun almost assumed Seulgi would never want to bring it up again. She should have known that was only wishful thinking.

“I like when you take me places, Seulgi. I told you I don’t get out much, so it’s been nice getting to do these things with you, but I—” Seulgi, who had been slowly lighting up with Joohyun’s words, tenses suddenly again at Joohyun’s hesitance. “I won’t lie that it’s still hard for me. I want so badly to be able to give you what you want from me, but it’s just. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. There’s still a lot of things I have to learn this time around.”

Seulgi’s already shaking her head emphatically before Joohyun’s even finished, leaning towards Joohyun earnestly.

“I just want you,” Seulgi tells her seriously. “I don’t want anything else.”

Joohyun goes slack at Seulgi’s words, that initial burst of defensiveness that had been bubbling within her leaving.

She holds Seulgi’s face in her hands, tracing the dark circles underneath her eyes with the pads of her thumbs.

“I just want you too.”

It’s still a deliriously addicting feeling to kiss Seulgi. Even after the many times she’s felt Seulgi’s lips move against her own by now, Joohyun doesn’t tire from it. Seulgi’s always gentle, too, never forceful with how she meets all of Joohyun’s eager movements. Usually, it’s Joohyun who feels like the one who wants to move too fast, impatient as she scratches through Seulgi’s hair and kisses down the length of her neck.

Of course it’s as Seulgi’s panting hotly into her ear, and her hands are inching up Seulgi’s shirt that Joohyun’s phone dings. Groaning, Joohyun reluctantly peels herself away from Seulgi, knowing that there’s only a handful of people who would contact Joohyun at this time of night.

_**Hwang Eunkyung** : Don’t forget your photoshoot in the morning. Also, I sent a new script over. The company likes this one. Audition is in the afternoon. Get some sleep!_

Joohyun reads the text with a pinch between her brows. _So much for a break_ , she thinks bitterly, firing off a simple _okay_ to let Eunkyung know she’s read it and understood.

“Everything all right?”

Seulgi’s eying her with genuine concern, and Joohyun softens instantly at the sight.

“It’s nothing, just my manager reminding me of some schedules.” Joohyun rolls her eyes, throwing her phone somewhere in the front seat. “She told me to go to sleep.”

Seulgi nudges her gently. "That’s nice of her. You two seem close."

"We're not," Joohyun answers, a little too biting than is warranted.

Seulgi's brows shoot up. "Oh, I just thought. She’s always looking out for you, and she seems to really care about you, so."

"She's my manager, she has to care about me."

Seulgi frowns, tugging softly at the fingers Joohyun didn’t even realize she’d been clenching. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like you don't have anyone."

Joohyun freezes immediately. She’s never done well when she feels attacked, and even if it isn’t Seulgi’s intention, she’s unwittingly poked at a sore spot.

“Because I don’t, Seulgi,” Joohyun snaps, pulling her hands away from Seulgi and back into her lap. “I don’t have a group to worry about me like you do. My friends aren’t celebrities who live in the same city as me. I have a manager and I have staff and I have coworkers who only care about how pretty I look next to them. That’s it.”

Seulgi’s eyes narrow, more serious than Joohyun’s ever seen her.

“That’s not true.”

Joohyun scoffs. “How would you know?”

Seulgi tugs at Joohyun’s arm until Joohyun’s forced to look at her. When she does, she finds Seulgi staring back at her with an emotion Joohyun’s too afraid to identify. She cups Joohyun’s cheek with her palm, and belatedly, Joohyun realizes that Seulgi’s eyes are glistening not from the effects of the alcohol but because she’s on the verge of tears. When she speaks, it’s with a promise, and Joohyun feels her heart stutter into a different kind of rhythm.

“You have me.”

Joohyun doesn’t cry in front of other people, not if it isn’t acting, but it’s hard not to feel her heart twinge painfully at the tearful desperation in Seulgi’s tone. Her own eyes burning from the tears she won’t let herself shed, Joohyun shuts her eyes, afraid that she won’t be able to voice her fears while looking Seulgi in the eye.

“But I won’t always.”

She feels the press of Seulgi’s forehead to hers, Seulgi’s breath against her mouth, like she’s trying to force Joohyun’s lungs to take her in so that Joohyun can keep a part of her inside.

“You have me as long as you want me,” Seulgi whispers. “Isn’t that enough?”

_No, it isn’t._

“It is for now.”

Seulgi seems to accept the answer, kissing Joohyun in promise. It reeks of melancholy until Joohyun fists the collar of Seulgi’s shirt, anchoring her so that Joohyun can push up and forward, straddling Seulgi’s lap easily. She shouldn’t be doing this—not here of all places—but she can’t bring herself to reason her way out of this one. She wants to show Seulgi it’s enough. She needs to show Seulgi it _has_ to be enough.

It has to be enough, Joohyun tries to say with bold kisses down the hollow of Seulgi’s throat. It has to be enough, Joohyun thinks determinedly as she scrapes blunt nails against the firmness of Seulgi’s stomach until Seulgi is arching into her restlessly. It has to be enough, Joohyun wishes fervently, feeling Seulgi clench around impatient fingers, chasing all of Seulgi’s moans with a greedy swipe of her tongue.

It has to be, or what else would Joohyun be left with?

* * *

_Hey, so there’s this concert—_

_Hi! So I was wondering if you wanted to—_

_Joohyun! Hi! I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go—_

Seulgi sighs, phone dropping to her lap. She can kiss Joohyun backstage at an award show, make love to her in Joohyun’s own apartment, and let Joohyun take her in the backseat of her own car, but she can’t even ask her to go with her to go see a band they both like.

It shouldn’t be this difficult. Seulgi’s asked Joohyun out plenty of times by now, but there’s something about this time. The official nature of it all, like going out somewhere that isn’t just a quick meal or a walk or a drive in the car changes things. Or maybe it’s just because Seulgi knows a concert equals a crowd and a crowd equals Joohyun likely to reject her. And while Seulgi may be strong, a rejection from Joohyun would still sting more than she’d like to admit.

Groaning, Seulgi leans back into her seat, covering her eyes with her arm.

“Everything okay?”

Her manager eyes her strangely, holding out a vitamin drink for her as he enters the van. She takes it gratefully, her energy dwindling from the lack of sleep her manager thought was noticeable enough to warrant a convenience store pit stop. Her schedules aren’t as intense as they usually are, but Seulgi’s still been forced into one all-nighter too many over the last few days as their comeback draws nearer.

“Yeah, it’s nothing,” she waves off. She looks back at her phone as they pull back onto the road and bites at her lip. “Hey, after our comeback do you think we’ll be really busy?”

He eyes her strangely before shaking his head.

“Depends on how well it goes. Probably not any busier than normal, though. Why?”

Seulgi shrugs, trying to be casual as she turns towards the window to stare at the passing buildings.

“No reason. This band I like is having a concert, and I wanted to go.”

“Oh? What concert? Who’s the artist? Do you want me to get in touch with them for tickets? I can make some calls—”

“Oppa,” Seulgi whines. “It’s fine. I’m not even sure if I’m going yet.”

He frowns. “Who’s the artist?”

“It’s just a band. They’re kind of indie; you won’t know them.”

“I see.” He nods. Seulgi almost wants to laugh at the tense expression on his face, but smartly refrains. “Well, let me know if you change your mind. I can get in touch for you.”

“I will. Thanks.”

Seulgi smiles. Her manager always likes to err on the side of caution, but after being with Seulgi for the entirety of her seven year career so far, he’s stepped back on his coddling. Where once he might have felt like an overbearing dad, now he just reminds Seulgi of a protective older brother—there when she needs him but far enough away that she doesn’t feel stifled by his presence.

“You should nap,” he tells her. “Filming today might be long.”

Seulgi nods, glancing at her phone once more before thinking better of it. She’ll just ask Joohyun when she sees her later, it’s more romantic to do it in person anyway, and Seulgi’s nothing if not a firm believer in the power of romance.

The short nap is largely unsatisfying and Seulgi has to stifle a yawn as she enters and is immediately brought to get her hair re-styled and her clothes changed. She wonders if Joohyun is already here as her hair is combed and straightened, another stylist wandering over to fix Seulgi’s eyeliner, and debates texting her. Before she can though, Joohyun’s raucous laughter filters in through the walls, and Seulgi smiles at the sound of it, always charmed to hear the evidence of Joohyun’s happiness.

“Hey,” she greets, finding Joohyun already dressed and ready on set.

Joohyun looks comfortable in her sweater and skirt. Her hair is down, styled carefully to fall in waves around her shoulders, and Seulgi can’t help but marvel for just a brief moment.

“Hey, yourself.” She eyes Seulgi carefully, Seulgi squirming when Joohyun’s eyes linger just a bit too long on her exposed collarbones. “You look nice.”

“Not as nice as you,” Seulgi promises, delighting in the blush it earns her. Around them, the staff is still busy preparing. The camera director is still fixing the rig for his camera, while the lighting director is staring thoughtfully at the overhead lights. Finding the opportunity in this chaos, Seulgi leans towards Joohyun. “While we’re still free, can I ask you something?”

Joohyun looks at Seulgi quizzically, but nods. “Sure.”

Confronted with the very real possibility of asking has Seulgi hesitating, rethinking her strategy of deciding to do this now rather than later.

“Hey,” Joohyun calls, tapping Seulgi on the waist briefly. She smiles surely, quelling some of Seulgi’s unease. “You know you can ask me whatever.”

Squaring her shoulders, Seulgi nods decisively. Even if Joohyun says no, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. Seulgi’s already been rejected by her before, how much could one more hurt?

“So you know that band we both like—”

“Joohyun.” It’s Joohyun’s manager, her expression dark as she approaches them. Seulgi can see Joohyun tense at the sight of her, and Seulgi has to resist the urge to reach out and soothe her. “I need to speak to you.”

Joohyun offers Seulgi an apologetic smile, brushing Seulgi’s arm briefly as she passes.

Seulgi follows them as they go, feeling strangely nervous as she watches them converse in low tones off to the side. Joohyun’s brows pinch together as her manager speaks to her, mouth close to Joohyun’s ear in a hushed whisper as she hands Joohyun her phone. Instantly, Seulgi sees Joohyun’s expression darken when she stares down at the screen. The sight has unease tickling hotly in Seulgi’s stomach, made worse by Joohyun meeting Seulgi’s gaze only to turn away quickly.

They only speak for a moment more before Joohyun’s turning away, walking back to Seulgi with measured steps. Her face is neutral now, and Seulgi’s never resented Joohyun being an actress more than she does now because she can’t read Joohyun at all.

Seulgi wants to ask about it, but before she can, the director calls for them to start. Joohyun brightens automatically when he approaches, and it’s all Seulgi can do but follow her lead. She turns off all the noise in her head and focuses on her job. She’s an idol. She hasn’t been working at this for over a decade to not be able to shut everything off in the name of being a professional.

It’s one of the easier shoots Seulgi’s ever done if she’s being honest. The concept is simple enough, and even though Seulgi feels anything but at ease when she looks at Joohyun, there’s nothing difficult about walking towards Joohyun and purposefully brushing against her shoulder. She stares into Joohyun’s eyes, not even needing the director’s instruction to meet them with intensity, and Joohyun matches her stare accordingly. They only need a couple of takes before they’re finished and they move onto Seulgi’s solo shots, but it certainly doesn’t feel like enough with how Seulgi already misses Joohyun’s eyes on her.

Seulgi doesn’t even have time to pull Joohyun aside and talk to her, Joohyun already stalking off back to her dressing room as soon as the director says she’s no longer needed for the moment. Seulgi can’t even look at her walk away, quickly getting distracted as the director details his directions to her.

Seulgi listens to it all carefully, even though she can feel her mind is far away from the moment, but it goes smoothly nonetheless, and Seulgi’s able to finish quickly.

As soon as it’s over, and Joohyun’s called to return, Seulgi feels her shoulders fall, a sinking feeling weighing her down at the hard set of Joohyun’s jaw and the empty glint in her eye.

“Are you okay?” Seulgi whispers once Joohyun is near enough, but Joohyun just shakes her head.

“I’m fine.”

She doesn’t offer anything more, and Seulgi doesn’t try again. The director comes to them to instruct them of what he wants, the kinds of emotions he wants them to convey, and how the camera will move around them. They’re only showing off the brand’s latest shoe, and this part doesn’t require much, just simple posing and walking next to each other. Even with Joohyun tense beside her, Seulgi has to admit that she finds it impressive how easily she’s able to fake happiness.

“You two go really well together,” the director notes, nodding to himself as they all monitor what they just filmed. “You have great chemistry.”

Normally, Seulgi might preen at the compliment, but beside her Joohyun is frozen, nothing unyielding in her expression. Seulgi bites at her lip.

“Thank you,” she offers quietly.

“This came out really well,” he continues, seemingly unaware of the tension rising between the two stars. “We’ll take a break, and then we’ll do Joohyun’s parts.”

Joohyun’s the first to walk off with barely a bow in his direction, and Seulgi follows hurriedly, chasing after Joohyun for reasons she’s still unsure of.

“Joohyun,” she calls, though it goes expectedly ignored. “Joohyun!”

Joohyun’s dressing room is thankfully empty, and Seulgi doesn’t think as she steps inside and shuts the door. Joohyun’s shoulders are hunched as she stands in the center of the room, and for the first time since they’ve started whatever it is they’ve started, Seulgi is afraid to reach for her.

“Joohyun?”

Joohyun is silent as she moves for her bag on one of the tables. She pulls her phone out, typing on it without a glance in Seulgi’s direction, and Seulgi wants to scream. She wants to shake Joohyun by the shoulders and ask her what’s got her like this. She wants to ask why Joohyun is afraid to even look at her.

“They know,” is all Joohyun says, handing her phone over to Seulgi with a vacant look in her eye.

There’s pictures of them. Not very many but enough. They hardly even tell a story from the looks of it. Just two girls out together, sharing a quick meal. Seulgi recognizes the hats they’re both wearing, the jacket she has on, and knows this was from the other night at the Chinese restaurant. The last is a picture of them both, exiting the restaurant with their shoulders pressed together, blurry but undeniably them.

“These are fantaken,” Seulgi says, willing her fingers not to shake as she hands Joohyun her phone back. “This isn’t a news site.”

Joohyun shrugs. “They’re everywhere.”

“But it’s not—” Seulgi cuts off, breathing deeply to calm herself. She needs to be rational because clearly Joohyun isn’t at the moment. “It’s just some fans who probably saw us and recognized us. It’s not a big deal.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Seulgi knows it as soon as it leaves her mouth, but she can’t take it back nor can she stop the furious way Joohyun whips her head towards her, eyes alight with more than just bitter resignation.

“Not a big deal? Maybe not for you. Today it’s fans, tomorrow it’s Dispatch, and who knows what position they’ll find us in then. God, Seulgi,” Joohyun hisses, “what if those fans followed us back to the car? Where we—”

She doesn’t need to say it. Seulgi remembers exactly what happened in the car, and where once the memory might have made her blush in want, now it just makes her bow her head in shame.

“Do you know what happens then?” Joohyun continues, voice harsh enough to make Seulgi feel like she’s being scolded. “When they send compromising photos to my company, and my company calls me in to tell me they won’t protect me? I’ll be done, Seulgi.” She scoffs, crossing her arms. “But sure, it’s not a big deal.”

Seulgi purses her lips. She knows Joohyun is upset. She knows that this is years worth of pent up frustration at their industry and the position Joohyun has found herself in again speaking. It doesn’t have anything to do with Seulgi or Joohyun’s feelings for her. But even knowing that, it’s hard not to feel that sting of hurt and the way it threatens to build around the corners of her eyes.

“Dispatch wouldn’t reveal photos like that,” Seulgi tries. “They know what it would do, and even if they tried to, my company would block it. They’d protect us.”

“You mean they’d protect _you_.”

Seulgi shakes her head, determined to make Joohyun listen to her. “ _Us_. We’re in this together.”

Joohyun won’t meet her eyes, but Seulgi takes tentative steps towards her anyway. Joohyun doesn’t move when Seulgi reaches for her hand. Her skin is cold and clammy, and Seulgi feels desperately like she’s losing someone who’s right in front of her.

“Aren’t we?” Seulgi asks, voice beginning to break.

Joohyun slips away from her.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun whispers, stepping back. She’s not crying, her voice doesn’t shake, and Seulgi knows immediately what Joohyun is about to do. “I’m sorry.”

Seulgi’s nails dig into her palm, a painful reminder that this isn’t just a nightmare she’ll wake up from.

“Is this you choosing then?”

It’s foolish to ask something she already knows the answer to, but maybe Seulgi is a masochist because she needs this. She needs to hear it from Joohyun’s own mouth.

Joohyun’s lips part then close. The first time in this conversation, Seulgi’s seen her look uncertain.

“I told you that it was too risky since we worked together.” Joohyun shakes her head, speaking more to herself now than she is to Seulgi. “I knew it, but I still thought—” She sighs deeply, palming her forehead tiredly. “I should have known better. I was reckless; I’m sorry. It’s my fault. In the car, at the Golden Disc Awards, I shouldn’t have—I should have known better.”

“Please. Just answer me.”

Joohyun’s eyes are bright, fierce with some kind of determination like she’s preparing for a battle even though she’s already beaten Seulgi down to her weakest state.

“I won’t do what she did to me, Seulgi. I won’t turn everyone against you.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Seulgi’s voice finally cracks. She can feel her eyes burning from the tears gathering there, and she knows she’s doing a horrible job of holding them back because Joohyun’s expression finally crumbles. Seulgi gives her a bitter smile. “That wasn’t even my question.”

Joohyun reaches for her, but Seulgi turns away, knowing that if she stayed she’d only break from the look in Joohyun’s eyes. She doesn’t want to know that it’s hurting Joohyun as much as it’s hurting her. For once, Seulgi doesn’t want to have to be understanding of the situation. She’s heartbroken, and she wants to feel it.

As she leaves Joohyun’s waiting room, tears spilling onto her heated cheeks, Seulgi can’t help but wonder if this is how Joohyun must have felt all those years ago, when the actress she liked decided she wasn’t worth it anymore.

* * *

Joohyun’s still frozen in the middle of the room when Eunkyung enters. She feels numb, like every nerve in her body decided to shut off after Seulgi’s tearful departure. Joohyun made her cry, and the worst part is knowing that this probably wouldn’t be the last time. How good could they really be for each other if all Joohyun does is hurt her?

“Was that Seulgi I saw in here?” It’s not really a question so much as it is an accusation. Joohyun can barely find it in her to give into the upset in Eunkyung’s tone.

“Yeah.”

Eunkyung exhales loudly. “I thought I told you to be careful.”

At that, Joohyun finally blinks into focus. Eunkyung’s face is stiff with thinly veiled disappointment, and Joohyun can’t help it. She’s hurt and she’s angry and she needs to take it out on someone because she can’t keep directing it all at herself.

“I was.”

“Then explain to me what’s happening here.”

Joohyun clenches her fists to the point of pain, but she can barely feel it, too numb towards anything that isn’t her heart beating painstakingly for someone she doesn’t feel she deserves to have come back.

“I already explained to you. We went out to eat, some fans probably saw us, and then—”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Joohyun bites at her lip, no longer able to keep herself from snapping.

“Then what did you mean? And tell it to me directly for once because I’m really starting to get tired of all your back and forth.”

“My what?” Eunkyung scoffs. “I told you from the beginning that I was behind you on this as long as you were careful, and this”—she points down to her phone—“this isn’t careful. And now Seulgi is walking out of your dressing room _in tears_ where anyone else could have seen her, so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m beginning to feel like I should rescind some of that trust I gave to you. Clearly, you can’t handle it.”

“I can handle it,” Joohyun grits out. “I _am_ handling it.”

“Sure you are.”

“Then tell me what to do, damn it!” Joohyun demands, voice rising into a desperate yell. It shocks Eunkyung enough into a stunned silence, but Joohyun pays no mind, barreling on now that she’s no longer able to contain any of that lingering anger she’s been holding onto all these years. “Because I don’t know anymore. I wasn’t careful, and I got my heart broken. I’m careful, and I still feel my heart breaking, so tell me. What am I supposed to do because I’m tired of believing that I have to be alone for this to work. I’m tired of having to choose between everything else and my career because I’m starting to think I haven’t been making the right choice. Not when it hurts this much.”

“Joohyun, I—”

“Forget it,” Joohyun snaps. She rubs at her cheek, feeling something tickling there, and it’s only when her hand comes away wet that Joohyun realizes she’s crying. The first in a long time she’s let herself do so in front of someone without a camera around to capture it.

“Joohyun, that’s not what I…”

Joohyun turns away from Eunkyung, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue even though the tears continue to fall anyway. It just smears her makeup, leaving dark smudges along the curve of her cheek. Frustrated, Joohyun throws the tissue away, fingers curling tightly as she shuts her eyes and tries to regulate her breathing. She still has to finish filming; she can’t be affected like this now.

“Did you really think you had to be alone?” Eunkyung asks after a long, pregnant moment, so quiet that Joohyun has to strain to hear it.

Joohyun’s eyes snap towards her, but Eunkyung’s head is bowed, vulnerable and shaken. Joohyun’s never seen her like this, and she can’t help but feel like it’s all wrong. The only person that was supposed to be hurt from her choices was Joohyun. Seulgi too, but that was just collateral damage wasn’t it?

It’s not supposed to be like this.

“Eunkyung…”

A quiet knock interrupts whatever Joohyun was about to say. Haewon and Kyungri poke their heads in hesitantly, entering only when Joohyun gives them a short nod. They look between the two of them briefly, but in an uncanny show of restraint, neither comment.

“Filming will resume soon,” Haewon tells her, gentle as she guides Joohyun into the makeup chair. She smiles warmly at Joohyun, careful as she thumbs away the last of Joohyun’s tears still clinging to her eyelashes. Behind her, Kyungri squeezes soothingly at Joohyun’s shoulders. “Let’s get you fixed up, hmm?”

They reapply Joohyun’s makeup and fix the wayward strands of Joohyun’s hair, never asking about what happened and doing their best to redirect Joohyun’s attention with their casual conversation. Some time during it all, Eunkyung slips out of the room, but no one mentions it and Joohyun wills herself not to care.

They’d be fine. Eunkyung is just her manager anyway.

When they’re done, Joohyun looks completely normal, and not like she’d just had the worst breakdown of her career. Joohyun can do nothing but thank them, grateful that she wouldn’t have to return to set with remnants of her broken heart on display for all to see. For Seulgi to see.

Not that it matters.

When she arrives on set, Seulgi is nowhere to be found. Even as the director calls for everyone to get ready, Seulgi is still distinctly missing. It’s not like her. Joohyun knows for a fact that Seulgi prides herself on her professionalism more than anything. No matter the circumstance, she wouldn’t just disappear like this without saying something.

“Excuse me,” Joohyun calls to one of the production assistants. The PA looks a little starstruck to be talking to Joohyun directly, and Joohyun uses that to her advantage, smiling charmingly at her. “I was just wondering where Seulgi is?”

“Kang Seulgi?” she repeats slowly like she’s unsure she should be allowed to say the name at all. “She left a little while ago.”

Joohyun’s brows furrows. “She left?”

The PA swallows noticeably, no doubt taken aback by the sudden shift in Joohyun’s tone. Joohyun just fakes a grin to calm her, and she does, smiling nervously back at Joohyun.

“Yeah, all her parts were done for the day, so she left. She was only going to stay for possible re-shoots, but they said that could be done another day if needed. Did you need something from her?”

She doesn’t ask it assumingly, but Joohyun just shakes her head, no longer able to keep up this charade now that this knowledge has just been dropped on her.

“No,” she says, voice losing all of its pretend enthusiasm as the fight all but leaves.

She did this to herself after all. Who is she to be upset by Seulgi wanting to be the one to walk away now?

“I don’t need anything from her.”

**Author's Note:**

> title from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c21Uw6Pc4c) song
> 
> twitter: @holcene


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